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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Flatmates from hell

55 replies

mochiboom · 17/01/2013 10:24

Okay so I'm not actually a mum at all, but my mum introduced me to this site and you all seem to give really good advice.

I'm a student, in my first year of uni, and now I know everyone says they have flatmate from hell, but mine really are a special lot.

Basically they have a love of going out a lot, and when they do, they always, always trash the flat. And I don't mean just chucking stuff on the floor, but we've had all of the furniture literally piled up, half out the windows, on top of the extractor fan etc

Plus recently, as part of an ongoing feud with another flat, we have been egged I think about three times; it's all over the windows and it managed to get inside on the carpets and ceilings. It's like concrete and we can't get it off. There's a risk of us being fined as well due to the damage.

Plus they're just so inconsiderate. One never ever does his washing up, and in fact left his dirty plates by the sink before he went home for Christmas; they leave takeaway trays and boxes everywhere and they make so much noise when they come back from a night out I was suffering from sleep deprivation by the end of last semester.

Now I'm still at home because I don't have to be back for another week, but I've just been told by another flatmate, who is back, that they went out for a birthday and the flat is beyond ruined. The fire extinguisher's missing from the kitchen, another flat that they invited over tried to break down her door last night to use her bathroom and the kitchen is a tip.

Normally I'd go and complain, but the problem is, is that I still have to live with them for another two semesters, and I couldn't bear the frigid atmosphere in the flat if they found out I'd complained. They have a personal vendetta against one of the other flatmates for some unknown reason. They are so cruel to her and I'm terrified it'll happen to me.

We have previously confronted them about this before, and they do seem genuinely remorseful at the time, and I do like them. But the fact of the matter remains; they are constantly inconsiderate, disrespectful and just downright rude.

I'm not being unreasonable to just ask for a bit of peace am I? I though university was meant to be fun, not hell.

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 17/01/2013 10:27

I would move out. I couldnt live like that.

KenLeeeeeee · 17/01/2013 10:31

Go and speak to your tutor & ask to move to a different halls of residence. You do not have to tolerate this. I had a similar problem with my room mate at university & ended up dropping out because of it. I wish instead that I had had the guts to complain about her & move rooms.

ZacharyQuack · 17/01/2013 10:31

I'd move out. Life's too short to spend it with arseholes.

Jins · 17/01/2013 10:31

Can you ask to be moved to different accommodation?

aderynlas · 17/01/2013 10:33

Is there someone at uni who you can talk to about this. It sounds terrible and you shouldnt be having to live like this op. Good luck.

Original poster

mochiboom · 17/01/2013 10:33

I'm not sure, I think so. The problem is is that I do have friends in the flat who I'm moving out with, and at the risk of sounding silly, I don't want to leave them behind.

Of course if we could move out as a group then things would be different, but I think I'll take your advice and speak to my accommodation tutor.

OP posts:

emsyj · 17/01/2013 10:35

Go and see the student housing officer (there will be someone at your uni who is responsible for this stuff, possibly based at the student union - our student union had an officer in a little office on certain days of the week that you could go and see). Tell them how it is and that you can't do your work and focus on your course as a result.

Is it a big city uni or a small town one? I went to Durham and accommodation there was at a major premium, but when I had to move from the dreadful place I was in during my final year, college allowed me to take a guest room for normal live-in rates. They did the same for a friend of mine who was balloted out (not allocated a room in college) during 3rd year. There will be somewhere you can be moved to, but you need to locate the right person to help you. If the first person you approach says they can't do anything, go to someone else. And so on, until you hit the right person to deal with it.

Universities do not want this sort of issue to be the reason for you to drop out. Drop-out rates are important to them and your pastoral care should also be a priority. You can sort this out, but it may be difficult and stressful for a few weeks. Have you told your parents? Can they come with you to the town to help you speak to people about moving? Having myself moved between accommodation, I remember how stressful it was (no parental support at that time either) but it was worth it.

Jins · 17/01/2013 10:35

I think you need to talk to the tutor asap in case you get caught up with fines for damage to be honest. You don't need to complain as such but if there's a note on file somewhere it will help

emsyj · 17/01/2013 10:36

Just seen your most recent post - can't you and your friends from the flat all go and collectively complain and get the troublemakers moved??

AlienReflux · 17/01/2013 10:36

Move out, and take the poor cow they're picking on with you.

confusteling · 17/01/2013 10:38

I'd speak to the accomodation office or similar and ask for advice - these things are usually done confidentially. They usually keep a record of incidents which helps if there are further issues in the future. Some unis offer flat mediation services where trained staff work with flatmates to sort things out; we were offered this once.

Do you have the option of leaving halls after this next semester (presumably you'll be moving into 2nd year this summer?) - private flats or even private halls are usually better, you get more choice of who you live with which helps.

Rooble · 17/01/2013 10:39

Same here. I would leave the flat. Do you know anyone who's dropped out whose room might be empty and available?

I would also complain (if they do start another vendetta then you have the other bullied individual in your flat for moral support). When you have to pay for the damage at the end of the year (and you WILL have to), if you have not mentioned the issue earlier, then the university authority/landlord has no way of knowing who is culpable and will hold the whole household to account.

Re: the dirty dishes. It is fairly effective to take the dirty dishes from the kitchen and leave them in the person's bed. (Or was in my day!).

But really. Try and find somewhere else.

Good luck!

Original poster

mochiboom · 17/01/2013 10:40

emsyj This is great advice, thank you very much. It's Sheffield, so quite a big city, but I heard they do have spare accommodation so there's hope that I can move out. Sorry to hear you had a hard time at Durham, but pleased to hear it all got sorted in the end :)

It's a shame, I didn't want to have to resort to this, but it'll only get worse once it gets warmer in the North and they can stay out longer. I'll contact my Accommodation Mentor and see if something can be done.

Thank you again :)

OP posts:

CatelynStark · 17/01/2013 10:41

My daughter is in a similar position to you. I advised her to speak to her personal tutor who said that if it happened again, to tell her and that she'd report the offender to their tutor. The vandal may well be asked to leave uni accommodation as they're breaking the terms of their contract.

I appreciate that this is tricky but there's no reason why you should put up with this. If you don't report, you are at risk of losing your deposit and might also be asked to leave, if the accommodation office don't know that you're not involved with the damage.

I'm sure that your uni will be supportive - they won't accept this dreadful behaviour!

Original poster

mochiboom · 17/01/2013 10:41

Oh and it's seven against four, with us and my friends being the four, so it'll probably have to be us that move out, rather than them.

OP posts:

BabeRuthless · 17/01/2013 10:41

Are you in halls or a privately rented flat?

mrsL1984 · 17/01/2013 10:42

Disgusting behaviour!!! These people are meant to be adults!!!! Move out and inform landlord they may o spot chech on property!!!

Original poster

mochiboom · 17/01/2013 10:42

BabeRuthless in halls.

OP posts:

CaptChaos · 17/01/2013 10:43

You (and the other person who's life is being made intolerable) need to go and see your housing officer and tell them that you need to be moved. Tell them exactly what you have said here and that you will not be held financially responsible for their childishness. You can't continue like this. University is supposed to be a fun time, but you are there to work, if these neanderthals are preventing you from doing that then you have to act to help yourself.

emsyj · 17/01/2013 10:43

If it's university owned accommodation then they may well take a dim view of these students' behaviour and ask them to find their own private accommodation within the city... Best of luck, all 4 of you go together and speak to someone. Come back with an update!

Original poster

mochiboom · 17/01/2013 10:44

Thank you so much for all the advice, I really appreciate the help.
I'll let you know how it goes.

OP posts:

BabeRuthless · 17/01/2013 10:46

You've defiantly got some recourse then. Not only are they ruining your first year but they're going to screw you over with regards to any damage done to the flat. Take some photos to show your accommodation office so they understand what you're having to put up with. Even though they might be nice at times it's unacceptable for them to behave in this way. I hope you get everything sorted out

PartTimeModel · 17/01/2013 10:51

The problem is is that I do have friends in the flat who I'm moving out with, and at the risk of sounding silly, I don't want to leave them behind.

Sounds like this is a very big flatshare. It's a case of "you can't please everyone so you have to please yourself". I think you either need to get together with the flatmates who are your friends and take control of the flat, kicking the aholes out if this is possible, or move out either with or without your friends.

I don't see how you can continue to live like this. Is there also a possibility that you may be jointly liable for damage done to the flat?

Note - I am now an oldie, but I have flatshared for 25 years. IME there will always be someone who doesn't wash up/clean. That is a manageable problem if you otherwise get on with the person. Living with this level of chaos & madness is neither fixable (by you) or conducive to long term good co-living.

Original poster

mochiboom · 17/01/2013 10:55

PartTimeModel

It is, I was quite surprised when I found out just how many of us were going to be in one flat!

There's a very real possibility. One of the terms on our contract was that if the perpetrator of the damage doesn't come forward it will be split between the tenants, regardless if they were involved in it or not.

Plus we could lose our deposit, which I refuse to have happen when I have done nothing to contribute to the state of the flat.

OP posts:

TheCraicDealer · 17/01/2013 10:56

but it'll only get worse once it gets warmer in the North and they can stay out longer

Jeez, like you're talking about a bunch of animals there! Nutters. I take it it's one of those flats in halls where there are about 10 rooms and a communal kitchen/living area?

At least if you complain to the university/managing agent there's a higher chance you won't be charged for the damage.

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