to be absolutely staggered by my friend's total utter selfishness and re-considering our friendship?!

[EmmyMaz]

Friend X's brother has a terminal illness and has not got long to live. Friend X is doing lots of fundraising / campaigning to raise awareness of this illness. I said I would support Friend X with his efforts.

I therefore (very politely) asked a few of my closest friends (including friend Y) if they would be willing to do a couple of very very small things to assist with the awareness-raising campaign. What I asked them to do is something that will literally take 5 or 10 minutes of their time and will not cost them anything financially. I have not asked for their money, just 5 or 10 minutes of their time.

Friend Y responded to me in an email saying "I do not have time for this". When I read her response I was absolutely stunned, I cannot believe she could be so selfish not to spare ten minutes of her time to help a really really important cause and also to help me, her friend.

Also, it is worth adding that Friend Y is not a very busy person, she only works part time and has lots of support with her DD from her Mum who looks after her, so I know for a fact she does have the time! She is always getting her nails done and getting her fake tan done so she is hardly too busy to spare 5 minutes for a really important cause.

I won't bore you with the details, but over the last few years I have spent hours upon hours of my time helping Friend Y with various things. I cannot believe her selfishness and quite frankly do not feel like speaking to her at the moment.

She is normally quite a sweet and kind person (although can be a bit self-absorbed in some ways) and has been there for me though some difficult times, so I am totally shocked by this.

AIBU to be really angered by this and actually to be re-considering our friendship?

OP Yanbu.

I do think that sometimes on MN people really take delight in deliberately missing the point!

I don't think it was rude, per se. What reason would have been acceptable? "I'm sorry, I won't be doing that. It's pointless"?

The fact is, the OP wanted her to do it and no reason/excuse would have been satisfactory because the truth is no one is so busy that they can't spare 5 minutes (if that really is all it would have taken).

What would be ruder.

OP sends email asking friend to do something she doesn't want to do.

1. Friend responds that she doesn't have time.

2. Friend responds telling OP that the event she is putting time and effort into organising is a bad idea and goes on for a few paragraphs detailing why.

I think the friend chose the lesser of two evils. There is no nice way to decline the request.

This is mad. How can anyone possibly know why the OP's friend responded like she did? I mean supposing the only issue the friend had was that she thought releasing balloons is a bad idea - who in their right mind would respond simply "I don't have time for this", a response which is guaranteed to upset the OP and makes the friend look mean?

The OP is not being unreasonable being upset by that blunt response but would be unreasonable to re-evaluate the friendship without finding out why she responded that way by ASKING HER FRIEND not polling complete strangers (which, by the way, I am not suggesting the OP was doing - people have just chosen to make wild guesses as to the friend's motives for some reason).

SPOT ON Honey

People round these parts have very strange notions about what constitutes a friend IMO

there's another thread about OP not wanting to give 'friend's a lift to an exercise class, even though she drives past her door on the way; because she had the audacity to ask for the favour and doesn't display enough gratitude

The 'rudeness' of these people Palestine into complete insignificance when compared with bitching on an internet forum to the world at large! Seriously if you can't talk to each other about these issues, you ain't friends in the first place

Everlong, it is a friends friends brother....if it was OPs brother, it would be different

But if the balloon ended up landing in a tree, or in a lake or in the middle of the road, exactly whose awareness would be raised?

If I saw a balloon land in the garden I'd just throw it away without even reading/realising there was a message. If I passed one in the street/park/wherever I'd ignore it or pick it up and throw it away. I wouldn't read a soggy attached message, if it were even legible by that point.

And if I did read it, I'd still throw it away and it wouldn't have achieved anything.

There's no way I'd respond to something I read tied to a balloon.

But perhaps I'm just odd that way

Palestine

YABU. It's your cause. Your friend's brother.

And perhaps she doesn't like baloon releases - I don't/

YANBU, shes meant to be your friend, I would be really upset, she was rude and I would keep my distance from her for a while.

Balloons, Palestine...whatever next

pales

Jayzus Khall don't bring Palestine into this

I suppose I just don't really get why it's 'helping' anyone.

YABU

You have asked her to do something for someone she doesn't know, which sounds completely pointless (how does releasing a balloon do anything except create litter and possibly kill animals?) I would have said no too!

But this particular issue aside, if she is often unhelpful, she is probably a "taker." You can remain friends, but stop helping her with things as you will not be repaid.

I would be sad at that response too. Whether the gesture of releasing balloons is something she does or doesn't agree with she should have responded more sensitively. I can't imagjne any of my friends being so dismissive. Not sure if I would end the friendship, it would depend on how she behaved generally.

I don't think I would release a balloon for somebody I didn't know.

Cats see, that's what I thought

These things are always presented as it will only take 10 minutes

They never do.

Perhaps she's ran out of helium? My tank is currently empty.

She could have taken more time to write a decent response, what ever her actual reasons for not helping out, don't throw away the friendship over this though.

It must be tedious and exhausting to have your friendships so precariously balanced....

My friends brother has multiple special needs and she does a lot of fundraising/ raising awareness stuff.

Although I support her and have attended events etc, I certainly wouldn't expect my friends that don't know her or him to join in.

And I personally find it very odd when random people, ie not friends or family, join in things like balloon releases. To me it seems insincere.