to be absolutely staggered by my friend's total utter selfishness and re-considering our friendship?!

[EmmyMaz]

Friend X's brother has a terminal illness and has not got long to live. Friend X is doing lots of fundraising / campaigning to raise awareness of this illness. I said I would support Friend X with his efforts.

I therefore (very politely) asked a few of my closest friends (including friend Y) if they would be willing to do a couple of very very small things to assist with the awareness-raising campaign. What I asked them to do is something that will literally take 5 or 10 minutes of their time and will not cost them anything financially. I have not asked for their money, just 5 or 10 minutes of their time.

Friend Y responded to me in an email saying "I do not have time for this". When I read her response I was absolutely stunned, I cannot believe she could be so selfish not to spare ten minutes of her time to help a really really important cause and also to help me, her friend.

Also, it is worth adding that Friend Y is not a very busy person, she only works part time and has lots of support with her DD from her Mum who looks after her, so I know for a fact she does have the time! She is always getting her nails done and getting her fake tan done so she is hardly too busy to spare 5 minutes for a really important cause.

I won't bore you with the details, but over the last few years I have spent hours upon hours of my time helping Friend Y with various things. I cannot believe her selfishness and quite frankly do not feel like speaking to her at the moment.

She is normally quite a sweet and kind person (although can be a bit self-absorbed in some ways) and has been there for me though some difficult times, so I am totally shocked by this.

AIBU to be really angered by this and actually to be re-considering our friendship?

Hully.

Does friend X know friend Y?

Even if not - the point of friends is to be supportive, no?

Anyway, sorry op, it's all about the balloons apparently.

I'm orf, my blood pressure can't take any more.

Maybe it was the way you asked her OP , perhaps she feels at your beck and call or senses that you " expect" certain things of her since you helped her before. I'd be happy to help a friend with something like this, but if they asked me in a way that I knew I couldn't refuse I'd likely feel that they were demanding of me and dig my heels in.

I can't stand the worthyness of people when somehting bad happens to them or someone they know. Like they hadn't realised bad things happen to other people before.

Maybe she is more aware than you and has always been supporting causes to raise people's awareness and doesn't feel she has to do this one just becuase you have had an epiphany over this particular terminal illness.

I am with Fenton here. If the response was really as blunt as that with no explanation, and is out of character for her, I would try to find out more and make sure she is ok.

Otherwise, I think she is being rude and even if she didn't want to do what you asked, should have recognised it was important to you and responded in a more considered way.

But it really could be about the balloons hully

Like I said, I would decline to release balloons...I would be more open to a request for my time to do something wothwhile or for money. I don't do token sentimentality

I agree ethel

It is about the response to a request

Not what the request was

Last post on this I SWEAR

I think people are looking at this from very different perspectives.

There are people who think that the OP's friend should have done what she asked purely because she asked and it would be supportive. Which I understand.

But then there are others (me included) who think that the friend probably only said "no" because she'd made a value judgement about what she'd been asked to do.

There are many things I would be prepared to do to raise awareness, and I have done so. Things that have taken up much more of my time, or taken a greater effort.

But I would never release a balloon and consider it such a trite and pointless effort that I wouldn't really give too much thought to the excuse I made because I wouldn't consider that the person who had asked me would have put so much stock in to it.

I doubt the friend was thinking about whether it was going to let down the OP or how it would look to her, or how important it might feel to her. And yes, I'm speculating, but I doubt there are many people who would just outright refuse to help someone in this situation (especially if they had needed support themselves at some point) but she was saying she didn't have time for a balloon release. And frankly, neither would I.

AND...I don't think it makes me obnoxious My friends get lots of support from me in many other ways, practical and emotional

releasing a balloon ain't helping a dying friend - or the disease he is dying of -in any way. It's just pandering to the needs of someone who probably has the best of intentions but hasn't really thought things through.

Exactly Nancy.

I agree folk

Hully -- because what's more likely, based on what we've read from the OP?

A) The OP politely, and with no guilt tripping whatsoever about this very important cause, asked the friend to do something that would literally only take 10 minutes and could be done at any time, and this heretofore very sweet good friend with oodles of spare time said nothing more than 'I don't have time for this'

OR

B) The OP asked the friend to do something that would in fact take more than ten minutes, perhaps on a specific day when the friend has commitments, and it's something that the friend really does not think is a good idea anyway, but rather than say so directly she says, 'Sorry, I'm afraid I don't have time to do this'

I think B) is probably more like what happened, but apologies if I'm wrong.

I agree nancy

I don't care

I've lost the will to live

None of that is the point

THE POINT IS THE FRIEND WAS RUDE

Now I really am going

I would feel a twat releasing a balloon for someone I didn't know, so I may reply I was too busy as didn't want to point out it was a rubbish idea.

The friend wasn't rude so just made an excuse not to do it.
Fair enough

But what about the BALLOONS?

But this is only a speculative issue

Op feels she has asked something reasonable

Friend responds in a not terribly nice fashion

Op can still talk to friend surely and establish why?

If I said to Hully "what's the weather like your way?"

And she responded

"Go fuck yourself Honey"

I could either say "Sorry Hully have I upset in some way?"

Or I could start a thread about it asking every bugger else why Hully just
told me to fuck off.

One would probably solve the issue
One would probably run to 17 pages of sniping and speculation

Did you ask her in a way that was personal to her or could it have looked like forwarded spam? I would react very differently to a personal request that affected a friend than to some worthy-doing-the-rounds appeal about someone I didn't know in any way, sad though it is. I would count someone my friend knew loosely as a link, btw, just that she might not realise you did.

I agree dreaming I think the OP may have edited the friends email response and was fairly vague about what the balon release entailed.

Balloon releases are generally an event where everyone comes together and let's them off all at once as part of an event. I doubt very much the op said I will buy ou a balloon fill it w itch helium and bring it round to you so you can let it go.

It wasn't a lot to ask and, even if the friend couldn't see the point of it, she could have just gone along with it anyway to keep a friend who had helped her out a lot happy.
If she really felt uncomfortable doing it there are nicer ways of declining than saying 'I don't have the time for this'. Rude and blunt.

hully read the op again, it was the fact that her friend wouldn't spend 5 minutes of her time to help and the op thought that was selfish, not the way she replied!