AIBU to think this is a bonkers way of potty training?

[anothershittynickname]

So, my SIL is attempting to toilet train her DS by only putting him on the potty / toilet when he asks to go for a wee / poo!

They are encouraging him to tell them when he needs to go.

HOWEVER, they are keeping him in nappies the whole time and saving his big boy pants for when he is using the toilet / potty more!

Am I missing something? I just can't understand how they think this is going to work :-/

I did the same. We spent a few months with the pull-up pants and using the potty / toilet. Once I had some time off work over Xmas we blitzed potty training and they went into pants when each dc was just over 3.

Keeping them in pull-ups all that time was a much more civilised way of doing it. No wet clothes or mad dashes to the toilet and much less stressful for me.

Is it one of these thing that our parents generation would try to get done as soon as possible, like weaning?

Surely it can be quite stressful and wet clothes isn't fun for anyone - why not keep em in pull-ups til they've got the hang of it?

I did it the same way as your SIL is doing it, my DD's were fully out of day time nappies at just over 2. I didn't have lots of accidents,they are now adults.

Different strategies work for different children, for every milestone/development.

He has obviously learned the feeling of needing to go without the need for wet pants, some children will not like being wet to the extent that they will delay going.

Just because you have four children doesn't mean that you know more than her what suits her child.

It seems to have worked for us (day 13 of no nappies today). She's had two accidents at nursery (and one wee and one poo in a nappy after she asked to have one on) but none with us at all. (Of the 13 days she's spent 8 with us and evenings.)

She'd have been very upset to have accidents.

I was sure you were going to say they are bonkers because they plan to use this

Nappies and pull-ups are different though. With pull-ups they can start practising pulling them down like they would with undies/knickers. Plus I thought pull-ups also feel wetter against their skin than nappies if they've weed in them so can recognise that feeling.

So she's being a bit daft if she's using actual nappies rather than pull-ups. I also think pull-ups make a psychological step up for them - no longer baby equipment but special big boy/girl gear!!

The danger of keeping nappies on all the time is also apparent if you have a child who is inclined to be a bit "lazy" : "I'm busy setting my train set up so I'll just do it in my nappy." Have seen some children do things like that.

With my two, after a few aborted attempts at potty training DS which ended after 2-3 days of me having to constantly clean up wee and poo from the floor, he went back into nappies, until he asked to go by himself.

Ds asked at 2 years 8 months, and off he went, and never had a single accident, he was in nappies for maybe a week or so after, just in case, but he would remove them to go.

We waited again with DD who was 3 and a half before she was ready and asked to go, again the same thing, kept her in nappies for a week or so, to be on the safe side, but she went fine, and pulled them down like knickers.

Never had an accident at all with either of them after they were ready and asked themselves, and they were both dry at night 6 weeks after day time dryness.

Easiest thing in the world that was, and I had been dreading it. DD was a bit older then I would have liked, but we could have forced it, and said she was potty trained, or been "training" for months with daily accidents, which seemed silly, so we waited till she wanted to do it.

I left ds1 out of nappies. He wee'd everywhere. For a year because I had this stupid notion that once you started you shouldn't stop.
Ds2, ds3 and ds4 weren't trained till they said "I'm doing a wee-wee" and they were all over three.

Well I only take my DS to the loo when he says he needs a wee or poo. I occasionally ask him if he needs to go (before we go in the car) but the rest of the time he just tells me.

I wouldn't like it if someone kept hassling me about the loo.

He isn't in nappies (apart from at night) but he knows when he needs to go even when in a nappy.

He was trained at 2.3 and we had about 2 accidents and he's been fine ever since.

So not all that bonkers at all and probably a lot less bother than taking him to the loo every half hour.

Not bonkers it worked for my second child. Once he got good at going then I removed nappies and put him in cloth trainers that weren't waterproof on the outside.

That's pretty much how I do it to start off with expect I use pull ups and I have potty trained quite a few kids.

You're right that the child probably won't become fully potty trained until they move into pants because they do usually need to feel the wetness. BUT potty training is not a race and there is nothing wrong with a slow introduction to the idea of going to the potty which is what your SIL is doing. It should make things easier when she moves the child to pants. Plus she might get lucky and get a child who gets the idea even with a nappy on and with will save a lot of stress and washing :)

My CM insisted on the traditional route for DS1, poor little bugger. I took her/ HV/ every other persons advice.
DS1 is still not reliable at 7. He has ASD, but we didn't know that then. NT DS2, I did what your SIL is doing. DS2 clean and dry by choice by 2.5

I started like this to give dd a feel for using the potty then took off the nappy when she was 3. Don't see what the problem is, and tbh, I'm sure they don't want to have a wet/pooey baby during the winter. Potty training with pants is easier in the summer.

I'm doing this atm with dd3, its not what I did with my other 3 dc but it all depends on the child. There isn't a one size fits all way to potty train a child.

get your judgy pants off! plenty of people do it like that, what makes you think you are so special and know best???

people do what works best for them...

Oh FFS milf go give your head a shake!!

I don't have any judgy pants on I ASKED A QUESTION because it was a way "I" couldn't comprehend - I have said a word to my SIL!!

Thank you to all those who have explained this way civily to me, I actually learnt something, especial the poster who likend it to BLW!

Maybe I posted in the wrong part of the forum or maybe I shouldn't have used the word "bonkers" (which btw was meant as in "I don't get it" not "she's an idiot" but seriously for those who posted only to say "you don't know everything", "you're a shit SIL", "mind your own" etc etc really need to find something more constructive and fullfiing to do [hmmm]