Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

....in thinking the cost of weddings is becoming beyond todays young people

322 replies

concernedrose · 16/01/2013 00:26

DS is planning on getting married next year. He and fiance both have good jobs but are paying off student loans, and pay £850 a month in rent for a tiny one bedroomed flat. They also are trying to save for a mortgage. So imagine their (and our) horror at the price of weddings. It seems that to be able to do everything for under £10,000 is virtually impossible in the area we live in. And they have accepted they wont be able to have a honeymoon immediatly after the wedding. This seems a vast sum of money to me, but even calling in favours from friends and relatives, (ie cake making, invitation making, flower arranging) it looks like this is what it is going to cost. Oh well, anyone for beans on toast!!!

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 16/01/2013 11:25

I did favours, but had 5 little cakes/sweets in the box. Saved on getting a wedding cake as well - 2 birds with one stone, as it were. I can't bear the wastage of wedding cake!

squoosh · 16/01/2013 11:29

A friend of mine went to a wedding once where Lionel Richie was the wedding singer.

From start to finish it sounded like the must vulgar, ostentatious, over the top display of extreme wealth that I've ever heard of.

Would love to have gone! Wink

TroublesomeEx · 16/01/2013 11:29

There are certainly statutory costs involved e.g. the licence and the registrar/vicar but beyond that pretty much everything you spend is discretionary.

fridgepants · 16/01/2013 11:34

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the user's request.

sooperdooper · 16/01/2013 11:35

But some many people get pulled into the forumlaic style wedding - the three tiered cake, the ubiquitous strapless wedding dress that costs a fortune and looks like every other bride's dress for the last five years, the bland hotel meal, the loud raucous band, the chair coverings, etc etc etc.

So many weddings I've been to blur into one like this! Boring boring boring!!

Most people seem almost scared to do anything different - best wedding I ever went to was in a tipi field with the local burry house providing the food and everyone brought their own booze, it was fab

We went abroad, said people could come for a holiday if they wanted, or not come, up to them. Had a chilled out holiday in the sun, got married in the middle, paid for everyone to have a nice meal, done. I'd have just gone to the registary office but DH wasn't keen so it was a compromise, we spent about £5k but that included our 2 week all inclusive holiday

We didn't have a cake, cars, favours, chair covers and my dress cost £200

You don't have to spend a fortune to get married, but it is possible to spend a fortune on a wedding - not the same thing

SpicyPear · 16/01/2013 11:36

YABVU to come on here bitching about the cost of weddings when you they are having a whole day event at a Surrey hotel. There are many options for doing it more cheaply, and if you just don't want to that's fine, but don't moan about it. I have no time at all for my friends who spent thousands on their weddings and are griping about not being able to buy property. If they want to piss their deposit away on a wedding it's up to them!

OwlLady · 16/01/2013 11:37

of course you can do it all for under 10k, it just means it wont be what they want or envisaged

weddings are bloody waste of money imo

OwlLady · 16/01/2013 11:37

disclaimer, I don't care what anyone else does or spends it's up to them!

squoosh · 16/01/2013 11:37

I'm quite fond of a loud and raucous band.

The bland hotel and the bland meal, not so much.

Flobbadobs · 16/01/2013 11:39

We had bowls of jellybeans on the tables instead of favours!
YABU, your wedding is one day. Of course i's nice to have everything looking sparkly and lovely and have all the trimmings but it's not necessary. Find a friend with a nice car or a good camera, look at other options for everything, be different!

THERhubarb · 16/01/2013 11:40

YABU
And so are they.
It's all about managing expectations. Weddings can be done on a budget and can certainly be done under £10k but these days it seems that the happy couple are not willing to compromise. Your ds could also be hinting about the expense in order to get you to cough up.

Here's how to do a wedding on a budget:

Get hitched midweek. Midweek prices are almost half the weekend prices and let's face it, if people wanted to attend the wedding they would take a day off work to do so. Those who would only go at the weekend are not worth having, thus saving you more money on guests! Go for a Thursday so that people can have a long weekend. Even a Friday is cheaper than the weekend.

Haggle. If you are booking a hotel/reception at an off-peak time then don't be afraid to haggle to get the price down even more. They'd rather have the booking than risk not having anything at all on that date.

Hire the photographer for the service only and encourage friends to take as many photos as possible.

Get your wedding bouquet from the supermarket. Just invest in some pretty ribbon and some extra dark foilage to decorate round the edges.

Make your own wedding stationery with embossed card, a colour printer, some ribbon and some sequins.

Make your own wedding favours by filling organza bags with sugared almonds as a traditional gift.

Ask the bridesmaids to contribute towards their own outfits. Many supermarkets such as Tesco have a range of bridesmaid outfits that can be worn again as party dresses.

Wedding cakes are expensive so get a cake stand and fill it up with lots of delicious little cupcakes.

A wedding buffet is cheaper than a sit-down meal.

Use helium balloons as table decorations.

It's more than possible to bring the cost of a wedding right down but of course it does require a little more effort and creative thinking. Your ds and his girlfriend may prefer to just cough up the money (or moan about it so you will) rather than have a budget wedding.

fridgepants · 16/01/2013 11:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the user's request.

squoosh · 16/01/2013 11:45

I think asking bridesmaids to contribute towards their dresses is a bit too cheap. I'd rather not have a bridesmaid than ask one to pay for her own dress.

NickECave · 16/01/2013 11:45

We got married in 2000 at a civil venue. We couldn't afford to have the reception there as well as the ceremony so looked at pubs local to the venue. Found a lovely one which said they could accommodate us and gave a rough estimate which was highish but OK. 1 month later the final quote came through with an extra £1K added. When we queried this it became clear that this was basically a "wedding tax". If we'd just wanted the pub for an ordinary party we wouldn't have been asked to pay it. Never ever ever tell the venue it's for a wedding.

THERhubarb · 16/01/2013 11:50

Squoosh - if it's to buy a dress that they will then get to keep and wear again then it's fair enough.

I had just one Maid of Honour at my wedding and she wore her own outfit in the colours she wanted to wear.

If my dd was asked to be bridesmaid I would automatically offer to pay or contribute towards the dress. Why should they buy dresses for their bridesmaids and then get each of them a gift just for walking down the aisle behind them! Value for money - not!

BiddyPop · 16/01/2013 11:58

I know that we got reasonably plain (navy with gold print) cards as invites, and made the OOS booklets ourselves using pc, work photocopier, a ream of nice cream paper (less than £10) and a pack of navy card (another

squoosh · 16/01/2013 11:58

The bridesmaid is doing the bride a favour.

I've been asked to be a bridesmaid a number of times, happy to do it, the dress however has never been one that I've worn again.

As I say I'd go without a bridesmaid rather than ask someone to pay for their own dress. Just sounds awfully tight. If someone said 'Do you want to be a bridesmaid and how about wearing that nice red dress you have?', that's a different matter. I'd be completely fine with that.

Jins · 16/01/2013 12:00

I agree squoosh. If you want a bridesmaid you pay for the dress

Hullygully · 16/01/2013 12:05

Really?

I think it is an HONOUR and a PRIVILEGE to attend the bride and you should be delighted to pay.

Jins · 16/01/2013 12:07

Could you not fit a dress or two into your 50K budget for your DSs imaginary wedding last year Hully?

Chunderella · 16/01/2013 12:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

THERhubarb · 16/01/2013 12:11

Err, then call me tight and slap me with a dead kipper.

Most bridesmaids dresses are now so modern that they can double up as party dresses so they can actually be worn again and again.

Perhaps having had a budget wedding myself I know how much these things can mount up so I would not hesitate to offer to pay for all or part of the cost of a dress.

If the bride wants you to look pretty and fit in with her colour scheme or wear a hideous number that you would be happy to burn after the ceremony then fair enough if she wants to pay for that. But I would have no shame in asking any bridesmaids to contribute towards their own dresses.

Yes I am a tight-arse. Grin

OwlLady · 16/01/2013 12:12

my mum made my bridesmaid her outfit
we also had the party back at her a couple of weeks later after the wedding
and we had a couple of nights ina guest house in this country as a honeymoon

how working class

HazleNutt · 16/01/2013 12:12

Of course you don't need 10K to get married and have a lovely wedding. We didn't save on anything we actually got, just ignored all the "must-haves". Wedding car, wedding ribbons, keepsakes, fancy invitations and place cards, wedding candles, 10 bridesmaids in matching dresses, tons of second-cousin-twice-removed guests whom you havent' seen for 20 years and won't see again - those and many other things are totally optional, but they add up.

Jins · 16/01/2013 12:20

It's not tight exactly THERhubarb but if someone asked me to be a bridesmaid and then expected me to pay for my dress I'd decline. It's just not that important to me and I've got plenty of things I can wear to a wedding.

If on the other hand I had a dd that was desperate to be a bridesmaid and a contribution was expected then I'd stump up for it.

It is something that is becoming acceptable. It was definitely not the thing when I was younger

Swipe left for the next trending thread