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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it's unfair that DH moans about me not doing enough tidying...

95 replies

Haughtyculture · 15/01/2013 13:43

...when he makes all the mess?

I have PND and DH is always having a go at me for not tidying and doing enough housework and has threatened to leave me. I do do housework but I struggle at the moment.

Today DH has left 3 pairs of shoes laying around. A dog lead on the hall floor. Clothes all over the bedroom. a filthy cooker top where he got beans all over it last night. A filthy grill pan. A glass on the living room floor. Plus numerous other sundry items everywhere.

He says as I tidy up after the DCs it shouldn't be any trouble to clean up after him too.

I am really struggling at the moment. He says it makes him cross to come home from work to mess. Yet he makes this mess.

OP posts:
Andro · 15/01/2013 13:47

I'd expect (but not tolerate) that type behaviour and comments from a rebellious teenager, but not from my DH...he needs to grow up.

YANBU.

NoobytheWaspSlayer · 15/01/2013 13:47

He is an abusive tosser. What a knobend. He complains that you don't clean up his mess quick enough.... jesus what a twat.

I'm guessing you know he's a wanker already though?

valiumredhead · 15/01/2013 13:49

What andro said.

I would buy a basket or use a box and swoop all his crap that he leaves around into it, so he can see ho U he is being.

backwardpossom · 15/01/2013 13:49

DH is always having a go at me for not tidying and doing enough housework and has threatened to leave me

FFS do men like this actually exist? What a prick. Tell him to f*ck off.

valiumredhead · 15/01/2013 13:50

Oh I missed the fact he threatened to leave you! Shock

I would be making plans of my own tbh Sad

Original poster
Haughtyculture · 15/01/2013 13:50

I find it hard as although I'm unwell he won't do anything at all. He won't help get the kids uniforms ready for school, he wont' do any food shopping, he'll do a bit of cooking but won't clean up afterwards. I wish things could be more of a joint effort.

OP posts:
SanityClause · 15/01/2013 13:52

He's threatened to leave you? Call his bluff!

Binkyridesagain · 15/01/2013 13:52

My response would be to hand him a packed bag and to tell him to not let the door hit him on the way out.
He's a tosser!

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 15/01/2013 13:52

Point out that since the mess is his, if he leaves, you won't need to do any tidying any more. then say "bye then" and leave the room.

hellsbellsmelons · 15/01/2013 13:53

I would put all of his stuff in a pile just outside the front door for when he returns from work.
And when he asks what it is I would politely tell him that it's the mess he left all over the house and ask if he thinks it's reasonable for him to expect you to deal with all his mess as well as the childrens as he is a capable adult.
He needs a wake up call and seeing it all in one place and what is there might just give him the kick he needs to understand what sort of mess he leaves.
You also need to remind him that you have PND and that his attitude is not helping. Print out some information from the intenet on it and make him read through it so he can try to understand what you are going through!
You need to write a list. Men like lists and they like to see things in writing, makes it all more real to them.
Write down what you need to say to him in bullet point form and sit down with him and talk through it and discuss each item.
Hopefully things will improve soon but you cannot have him threatening to leave, that's unfair. Tell him so!!!!
Good luck.

FiercePanda · 15/01/2013 13:53

You're unwell. You need his help, love and support, not his mess and criticism. You pick up after the DCs because they're children - he's an adult and can clean up his own mess. Take back some power and tell him he either shapes up or he's out on his ear. You're his wife, not his servant.

backwardpossom · 15/01/2013 13:54

AIBU to wonder how much your PND would improve if he did actually leave... I'm really Angry on your behalf. Take care OP.

LadyBeagleEyes · 15/01/2013 13:55

I'd just call his bluff and let him leave TBH.

Original poster
Haughtyculture · 15/01/2013 13:56

I feel slightly envious when I see families where mum and dad are both striving to achieve the same thing. He makes me feel like I am asking far too much of him

OP posts:
Dahlen · 15/01/2013 13:56

The number of women whose PND magically disappears along with the tosser they've been living with is amazing.

YorkshireDeb · 15/01/2013 13:58

The mess bit sounds a bit like my fella - although he's never threatened to leave me if I don't tidy it. I think mine's pushing it a bit being so messy & not tidying up after himself but if he started making threats like that I'd have to draw the line. X

Original poster
Haughtyculture · 15/01/2013 14:01

He came home from work one night a few weeks ago and decided to sort out his wardrobe for some reason. So I did tea, cleaned up, bathed the kids , all the bits that needed doing. he then had a go at me as he'd got home from work and had had to do some housework. But he'd chosen to do it, I hadn't even mentioned his wardrobe, although it was a state.

He then threw out about 2 bin bags worth of stuff but left it all in the hall downstairs until I bagged it up and took it to the charity shops. And I got moaned at each day when the heap of clothes was still there.

OP posts:
scarletforya · 15/01/2013 14:01

He says as I tidy up after the DCs it shouldn't be any trouble to clean up after him too

Throw it right back at him, IF IT'S NO TROUBLE THEN DO IT YOURSELF

Cheeky fuck.

WilsonFrickett · 15/01/2013 14:02

Jesus.
Get some support.
Get some plans in place.
And get this useless man-child out of your life.

hellsbellsmelons · 15/01/2013 14:04

Well from what you have said you need to get stronger in yourself and tell him when you think he is being out of order.
He tells you soon enough so why not the other way around?
You are NOT his servant or his mother - you are in a partnership and he should be helping you through this time.
It sounds as though he has no respect for you and that is something that needs fixing immediately!

Original poster
Haughtyculture · 15/01/2013 14:06

If I tell him he's being out of order he just says he'll leave

OP posts:
PureQuintessence · 15/01/2013 14:08

No wonder you have PND if you have to tolerate such shitty behaviour. You are better off without him.

valiumredhead · 15/01/2013 14:08

Oh call his bluff. Why would you want to be with such an awful man?! Shock

I bet you start feeling a LOT better once you have left!

shotofexpresso · 15/01/2013 14:10

Oh my god, I would call his bluff like others have said.

I was in a similar situation, I left for a week things did improve. do you have anywhere you could go for a week?

KumquatMae · 15/01/2013 14:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.