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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take ds out of nursery? Really bloody had it today. This is part 2 of previous thread

53 replies

WaynettaSlobsLover · 14/01/2013 19:39

You might remember my thread the other day about ds not settling at nursery and the staff making me stay to settle him and the nurserys policy about not caring for kids who haven't settled. Well today I took him and he did the crying and stuff but then went into a room with his keyworker to play, so I left and went to get on with things. Then an hour later I got a phone call: " can you pick up ds now because keyworker says he's had enough." Pretty pissed off so had to go down there in the pissing rain and pick him up. (I don't drive as I mentioned before, but I'm learning) keyworker, lovely as she is, just said "oh well it got a bit much for him and a bit noisy so that was it. We will keep persevering and maybe do an hour tomorrow". As if I have absolutely no plans myself or errands to run, but can easily stay with him to carry on unsuccessfully settling him, toddler in tow that I keep having to pick up and check on despite being pregnant and knackered. I've really had it today and tbh want to pull him out of there.

OP posts:

RedHelenB · 14/01/2013 19:41

Pull him out then & see if he will settle better elsewhere. Have you looked at childminders at all?

Fairylea · 14/01/2013 19:45

He doesn't sound very happy there. I'd pull him out and find an alternative.

Original poster

WaynettaSlobsLover · 14/01/2013 19:48

No I wouldn't get a childminder as I'm a sahm and a writer so do have the time to look after him myself. He isn't happy there and keeps asking to go home. It's a lovely nursery but policy is so unrealistic.

OP posts:

HDee · 14/01/2013 19:49

We had a similar situation with an Ofsted Outstanding nursery. It was ridiculous.

The reason my twins were in nursery was so that I could work, if I could collect an hour or two early every day, I wouldn't have booked them in until 6. They didn't start until 12.30 but the latest they ever stayed was until 4.45 as we got a pone call every day. The reasons varied, but ultimately saying one or the other was upset and could we collect. Whenever we got to them, 15/20 minutes later they were happy as Larry and not a sign of a tear.

In our case, perhaps it was just a co-incidence that ours were often the last babies left, but I don't think so.

We removed them, partly due to this, partly due to other huge issues we had with them and they now go somewhere a million times better.

cakebar · 14/01/2013 19:53

Is it actually a nursery or a pre-school? Nursery's seem to be better at settling them than pre-schools. I think all seems a bit optional for pre-schools as more SAHMs use them. Also, how old is he? I have come across pre-schools allowing kids aged 2 years 6 months in but actually being about children that young being there and suggesting parents try again when the child is 3.

If it is a 0-4 nursery then they sound quite rubbish.

Meglet · 14/01/2013 19:54

How weird, and bloody annoying.

It's a nurserys job to settle children, some take longer than others but they can't expect you to be at their beck and call every day. They sound a bit useless.

JustFabulous · 14/01/2013 19:55

Just take him out. You are lucky that you don't have to send him so why bother? I haven't seen your other thread but it sounds like he isn't ready to be left nor that the staff are particularly caring.

I was livid after I was told my dd was no better months after starting than she had been on day one. I had been told she was fine when I picked her up each day. I removed her immeidately.

thebody · 14/01/2013 19:57

Not sure why you use a nursery but wouldn't consider a childminder.?

When I ran my cm business I defiantly ran a far more professional one than your nursery.

Of course it's the business of child care professionals to help settle a child. They must be really lazy or crap or both.

My mindees settled very quickly and were very very happy. They told me so.

Get a cm.

SminkoPinko · 14/01/2013 19:58

How long has he been there?

Original poster

WaynettaSlobsLover · 14/01/2013 20:00

It's a 0-4 nursery and then the kids go straight to school the following sept. it is a case of me being at their beck and call, which is so effing irritating!! I never get any writing done, I already walk 25 mins there every day and because of the shitty bus route, walk uphill with ds and heavy toddler in buggy to get home , rushing before it gets dark. I thought it was their bloody job to settle them and so many people I speak to about this day it just lets the child know anytime they start crying and making a scene, mummy will come running. I did speak to the keyworkers about all this the other day but clearly I haven't been listened to. Am now sitting here trying to convince dh to let me remove him.

OP posts:

Original poster

WaynettaSlobsLover · 14/01/2013 20:02

He's been there around 6 months with no problem. Just after Xmas and after we all got a bit ill thats when he started playing up. I won't get a cm because like I stated above, as a sahm and writer I have time to look after him myself. I send him to nursery purely because of the free 15 hours thing as well as the fact I thought he would enjoy it.

OP posts:

thebody · 14/01/2013 20:05

Accredited cms can offer the free 15 hours same as a nursery.

SminkoPinko · 14/01/2013 20:08

6 months????! I thought you were going to say a few weeks. They sound useless in the extreme! Can you tell them you are so pissed off that you are considering moving him?

charlottehere · 14/01/2013 20:09

I vote take him out. DS may expect the same if he doesn't settle at school.

sparkle101 · 14/01/2013 20:09

How weird, I was on your last thread and wondered only today how you were getting on. What would they do if you hadn't gone to get dc. What would they have done if you were at work? It sounds like they use your sahm to their benefit.

I would look for someone or somewhere else. Someone you are happy with and can deal with them not settling, after all it's just a phase but this response from them won't help your cause.

surroundedbyblondes · 14/01/2013 20:14

Follow your instincts. We took DD1 out of a nursery she wasn't happy at and we found somewhere so much better. She was a lot younger than your DC, but I knew things weren't quite right. We never regretted the move.
A year or so after that we had to move house and started looking for a new place for DD1. One nursery where we got a place just felt wrong when we went to visit. We decided to look for other places and keep DD1 home in the meantime. (with luck a great place came up fsirly quickly) . We recently met a family with a DD same age who started there who was horribly bullied snd staff did nothing. Trust what you feel, even if the immediate effect might be tough to manage.

SashaSashays · 14/01/2013 20:15

Take him out and send him somewhere else. I've used various nurseries with the DC over the years and never heard such nonsense. I personally wouldn't have agree to collect in that situation. It's their job to settle him, you're leaving him there so you can do other things. I could never of left work because DC weren't enjoying nursery!

Original poster

WaynettaSlobsLover · 14/01/2013 20:16

Thanks for all advice. Will follow instinct I think. This policy just seems so ridiculous in its approach. TheBody. Thanks for letting me know, I didn't know CMs could do the free 15 hours! Will def look into that :)

OP posts:

MollyMurphy · 14/01/2013 20:17

That is bizarre...obviously people who work wouldn't be able to just leave and go get them. That is why you are paying them? They should know and expect that there is going to be a setting period when a child first starts daycare and then beyond on rough days. That is their job, no? I couldn't have such unreliable childcare -I'd get fired...and I sure as hell wouldn't want to pay them full price. I've never heard of such a thing. I'd keep looking around.

catgirl1976 · 14/01/2013 20:18

That sounds a bit odd

I would have thought you staying to settle him would have the opposite effect

I would try somewher else

JustFabulous · 14/01/2013 20:18

If your dh won't "let" you remove your son then he is being out of order.

Original poster

WaynettaSlobsLover · 14/01/2013 20:26

Dh thinks the interaction is good for ds. Then again if I did get a CM or do play dates, he would still get that interaction anyway. He said not bother taking him in tomorrow and we will make a decision about what to do. Think I'm going to just let them know that their policy is shite.

OP posts:

thebody · 14/01/2013 20:27

Good luck op. situation is just crazy. Moms access child care and expect reliability and security and the setting to show some sense.

Shelby2010 · 14/01/2013 20:30

I wonder if their attitude is the same for children who are being paid for (above the 15 hrs) as opposed to those who they perceive are just using the free hours because they are there. Can't see them keeping many working mums if they call them up every time the child throws a strop.

Original poster

WaynettaSlobsLover · 14/01/2013 20:35

Thanks guys xx and yes I've wondered what their attitude to working mums is as well. Should find one and ask her !

OP posts:

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