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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sharing news of a new sibling with your DC

15 replies

TripleRock · 14/01/2013 18:19

How did you do so. How long did you wait?

Is there any advice you could give me, DD is 2.2

Did you tell other relatives first or was your DC the first to know? I would prefer the latter but that would mean keeping shtum from close relatives for a little while longer than might be realistic.

OP posts:

amazingmumof6 · 14/01/2013 18:45

if you are not ready to make it public, do it on a need to know bases - if you feel sick/exhausted and you need help it's best to explain to those who help you - but ask them to keep it a secret till you tell DD!

I normally tell grandparents and some close friends first, as they are the ones whose help I tend to need with school runs etc when I'm sick (which I'm, a lot, every time).
they very good at not outing me, trusted circle of few!
then kids, then the world

people generally wait till 12 week scan, just in case something goes wrong, but when we had a MC (5th pregnancy) I was actually glad that people had known, I had a lot of support and I didn't have to suffer in silence/secret.
it was good that my boys knew what happened as well, made it a real bonding thing actually (they were just the sweetest...)

I didn't make pregnancy public with DS5 until after my 1st scan though - but I had an early one at 9 weeks so told kids straightaway!

DD - again I told everyone around 8 weeks, as soon as I was sure.

I wouldn't worry about the relatives, wait to tell DD - and make it special, I'd suggest having a bath together and eat some ice cream at the same time, she'll remember it forever!!

applepieinthesky · 14/01/2013 18:49

I would wait until 12 weeks then tell DC first.

A friend of mine just had a miscarriage a few days before her 12 week scan. She had already told her daughter who is now heartbroken.

Pseudo341 · 14/01/2013 18:52

I'd definitely wait until after the 12 week scan before telling DD. Having had to deal with disappointed relatives when I had a miscarriage last year I was very relieved not to have to also try to explain in to my 2YO aswell. Kept the next pregnancy quiet until after mc so as not to get everyone's hopes up again. If we have any luck with the next try I'll be leaving it as long as possible before telling DD, 20 week scan if I can manage it, definitely 12 weeks a least, 6 months is a very long time for a 2YO to wait.

Panzee · 14/01/2013 18:52

My son is 3 and I told him when I was about 30 weeks. We dropped lots of hints first to get him used to the idea. I thought he was a bit young to be told earlier, endless questions of when baby will get here can wear thin! :)

twinklesparkles · 14/01/2013 18:53

Told ds(5) soon as, about 5 weeks? ? But he didn't get it. I'm 28 weeks now and he still doesn't get it, he knows much more now that the bump is here and he can see it.

But I still don't think he truely understands there's a baby in there that's coming out in april. He talks a lot about his baby sister and always wants to buy pink stuff for her.. Every now and again he asks where she is, and I recently took him to a baby shop and he came out crying because he thought he was getting his sister from the baby shop :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Told our parents same day :)

GordonsAlive · 14/01/2013 18:58

We were going to tell dd on her birthday, when I would have been around 15 weeks.

However, as she is incredibly nosy, she ear-wigged at Christmas and found out. Not that she told us she knew, she told her teacher when she was back at school who then said congratulations to DP when he picked her up. That led to a confused few days as we tried to work out what she knew and how .

She did get to come to the 12 week scan though because of that!

Her baby brother is now 6 months old!

chubbychipmonk · 14/01/2013 18:59

My son was 2 and a half when I told him & we told him just after the 12 week scan. Showed him the picture & explained what it was (is it a frog mummy??!') and where it was but that it was only tiny so would need to grow before it was ready to come out. He was so sweet, stuck his head down my jumper 'I can't see it mummy' , then put his eye up to my belly button, 'I can see its toes!'

After that he kind of forgot about it but now that I have a big bump (32 weeks) he mentions it more, is moving bedrooms & is getting excited for the baby coming. I'm glad I told him early because I feel it's given him time to get his head round it . Somedays out the blue he'll say 'I can't wait for my baby to come' and then times he won't mention it for days.

It's a lovely their especially when he's kissing my tummy to kiss the baby night night.

Now I just have to deal with the explanation of 'how' the baby gets out but that's a different thread entirely!!

KobayashiMaru · 14/01/2013 19:00

yabu

Renatica · 14/01/2013 19:00

We told DD at 12 weeks... for the next 30 she kept saying 'Is the baby coming today?' 'No, DD.' 'Tomorrow?' 'No, DD.'

It's a long time to wait for little ones! I'd wait as long as possible.

Original poster

TripleRock · 14/01/2013 20:54

Thanks for the responses.

Applepieinthesky that is my worst nightmare

I'd love the idea of waiting until after the 20 week scan, but as we want DD to hopefully be the first to know I think that might be a tall order.

I did randomly tell a stranger today

OP posts:

MrsKeithRichards · 14/01/2013 21:02

Congratulations!

We told ds at the same time we told everyone else close like parents, siblings and a few friends at 8 weeks we held of making it more general (ie school mums, aunties etc) until about 12 weeks.

We had planned to tell ds who was 5 at the time, a bit later but felt bad telling other relatives and not him. He understood then why I was tired and not on the trampoline with him. We didn't make a bit fuss otherwise it would have been a long 9 months!

squeakytoy · 14/01/2013 21:04

Your DD is way too young to remember that she was the first to know though, so its really not something that you should worry about.

RubyrooUK · 14/01/2013 21:13

We told DS (who is now 2.5) at about 25 weeks. I'm now 31 weeks.

To be honest, it has just confused him a bit. Sometimes he will say he doesn't want a baby out of nowhere and sometimes like yesterday when we finally bought some baby clothes, he will ask where the baby is......

For me, it wasn't so important he knew first before others (if he was older, yes). I can't say that it was a particularly special occasion telling him (as he mainly wanted to watch Peppa Pig) so I'm glad it wasn't a big thing for us. I am hoping the moment DS1 meets DS2 will be the special one!

I think it's quite hard dealing with the idea of a future sibling at 2 years old when it doesn't turn up immediately. So for me it wasn't logical to save the news for DS first of all.

(Also having had miscarriages, I wouldn't tell a child earlier than 12 weeks. My friend told her 6 year old at 8 weeks, sadly lost the baby shortly afterwards and he still asks about the little brother he never had. I am not sure I could deal with that.)

amazingmumof6 · 14/01/2013 22:58

squeaky what an unloving thing to say!

even if she won't remember it's lovely for the parents to tell her first in RL, and it will become another little story in their family history!

and actually how do you know what she will remember?
my oldest was almost 2 when DS2 was born, and he remembers meeting baby bro for the first time...

and I'm sure he understood about baby in my belly, when I was pregnant I used to watch programs about birth and every time a new born baby cried on telly he'd run to me kiss my belly and say "baby!"

BadRoly · 14/01/2013 23:07

I don't remember telling dc1 about dc2 but there was only 21mths between them.

We told dc1&2 (then just 3 and almost 5) about dc3 probably at about 4mths - certainly before 20week scan because we were going on holiday with grandparents, one of whom was not known for keeping their mouth closed

I really can't remember when we told them about dc4 (then 2ish, 5ish and 7ish) I think after 20 week scan as it all got a bit traumatic after the 12 week scan but that's a whole other story

They certainly weren't the first to know each time. In fact they were probably amongst the last, partly because 9mths is a really really REALLY long time when you are so very young and I didn't need 6mths of "is it coming yet?". (Think birthday/Christmas)

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