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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder if all only children are spoilt?

89 replies

MissScarletintheLibrary · 13/01/2013 14:34

Out of all people I would consider to be a friend and someone I spend time with I only have one friend who is an only child.

I love my friend but she does always seem to want her own way. Such as I organised a meal and cinema night, when I got there she had changed the film we were seeing and the restaurant.

We had a night in on New Year and I said lets play this game, and she replied "oh but I wanted to play this game instead, we can play that other one later." Which of course didn't happen.

A few friends have seen her do this and just remark that it's probably because she is an only child and used to getting her own way which does make sense.

However like I said I only know one person who is an only child so I can't generalise.

OP posts:

manicbmc · 13/01/2013 15:14

It's nothing to do with being an only child. She is very rude and selfish.

How about just openly pointing out her rudeness next time she does it?

Tuppence2 · 13/01/2013 15:15

I am an only child, as is DD and neither of us is or was spoilt!
Doesn't everyone like to get their own way sometimes? I'd say I'm relatively a generous person, but there are times when I just want to do what I want to and sod anyone else
I know so many more youngest children who are spoilt, but I would never generalise to say all youngest children are spoilt and it winds me up (even now I'm 26) when people find out I'm (technically) an only child, and they say "must've been nice, bet you were spoilt rotten", etc!

MissPricklePants · 13/01/2013 15:17

how rude to generalise OP. I am not an only but DD is (and will remain an only) and she is apparently more mature than her peers and more thoughtful according to her keyworker. I don't see this as been linked to her been an only, but down to who she is as part of her personality!

Taffeta · 13/01/2013 15:17

I find younger/youngest children more accommodating. Elder children more controlling, and sometimes more entitled. IME, in general.

CanIRingTheBell · 13/01/2013 15:19

Only child issue aside, why the heck do you let this woman boss you around like this? I'd ditch her as a friend!!

Taffeta · 13/01/2013 15:19

But of course it's all rubbish and generalisation. People are individuals.

MrsLouisTheroux · 13/01/2013 15:20

Nothing to do with being an only child. She's just wants her own way.
I know quite a few children without siblings and children with. Amongst them all, some are demanding and controlling, others easy going. There is no pattern to it, it's down to personality.

zlist · 13/01/2013 15:26

Being selfish and being an only child have only a weak connection at best. I think it is more down to personality and parenting.

After school one afternoon I was sitting on a bench with two other mums whilst our children played in the park next to the school. We were having a good chat when another child, younger than our children but still at the same school, started displaying poor bahaviour - again. Mum of three commented that it was because he was an only child and had been overindulged, completely forgetting that she was chatting with two mothers of only children! I laughed and pointed this out to her (I do really like her and we all put our foot in it at times!) to which she replied that our children weren't like only children so she forgot!

Anyway, the point I am making is that it is easy not to register things that don't confirm the stereotypes that we hold, and only notice situations/incidents/people that do.

AltinkumATEalltheTurkey · 13/01/2013 16:25

OP states clearly that she can't generalise won't only knowing one person, she has asked for the opinions of others, now I can see that the mentality of some posters are rude and downright thick!! Read the OP without jumping on the obcentity route, etc...

It's a simple question being asked, no need for any if the stoopid replies.

OP I know a few only children and some are, and some aren't like this, I think its purely down to the individual and they way they were parented.

EnjoyResponsibly · 13/01/2013 16:32

I'm not an only child, but I will quite happily manipulate negotiate ways in which all concerned are doing what I want to do.

You snooze, you lose.

Your quesrion wuth regards to onlies is generalistic. Your OP could equally be re-worked to say "are people with siblings completely spineless and not willing to stand up to people changing plans on them"

CanIRingTheBell · 13/01/2013 16:34

I just can't get over the fact that you just let her change your plans like that. She sounds totally awful. Did you tell her that you wanted to see the film you'd originally planned or did you just go along with it?

andtheycalleditbunnylove · 13/01/2013 16:35

no. mine had a very hard life. i was very strict.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 13/01/2013 16:44

YABU... All kinds of people can be selfish and whether they have siblings or not is largely irrelevant.

ChristmasJubilee · 13/01/2013 16:51

Ds3 is the youngest of 3 with a large gap. He likes to be the centre of attention, probably because he usually is and he has difficulty sharing his toys, because he doesn't usually have to. That said, he has no problem at school and shares perfectly well there. I sometimes think he is more like his friends who are only children but it is also just his personality. He doesn't get off with any nonsense.

parttimer79 · 13/01/2013 16:53

I'm an only - people frequently describe me as reasonable and accommodating. They just don't know how good I am at sneakily getting me own way .

oh and YANBU to wonder but YABU to assume this is the case from a sample of one!

eslteacher · 13/01/2013 16:54

I'm an only child, and I have always felt a strong need to please other people, be liked and go along with what others want. To the point where I hate being the one to make a decision about what to do with friends, where to go etc...I much prefer to go along with what someone else has decided!

In terms of being spoiled in other more material ways, I don't think I was particularly spoilt in terms of the type/amount of stuff I was given (though always got a lot of Xmas and birthday presents) but I did get lots of advantages like tons of extracurricular activities, clubs etc. Probably if my parents had had more children I wouldn't have been able to do as much music/dance/drama stuff as I did.

Tee2072 · 13/01/2013 16:55

Yes, yes, because my son is an only he will be a self centre, entitled, pain in the ass.

Or, you know, not.

And don't say 'but that's why I'm asking'.

You assume that your friend is like this because she's an only. Not because she's 30 or has black hair or blue eyes. But because she's an only.

So you are extrapolating from one person to reach your positively offensive attitude.

FamiliesShareGerms · 13/01/2013 16:57

No, not all only children are spoilt

LifeofPo · 13/01/2013 17:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sydlexic · 13/01/2013 17:10

I do think only children are more used to getting their own way. It stands to reason that they do not have to share with siblings or negotiate for parental attention. There is no sibling rivalry.

That doesn't mean they will turn out to be a bad person.

MrsMelons · 13/01/2013 17:15

I think it is quite generalised as I think most adults know the correct way to behave regardless of whether they are only children, they just choose to be self-centered and selfish.

I know some only children and some of them (not all) have trouble sharing and compromising as on a daily basis at home they can do as they please ie watch any programme they want, play the games they want.

Children with siblings aren't any different but they HAVE to share and compromise, doesn't mean they don't like it but in general they do play better with other children than my niece who is an only child as she insists they play the games she wants.

She is getting much better as she gets older.

EggRules · 13/01/2013 17:22

Saying only children are spolit is like saying children with siblings are neglected.

Your adult friend sounds like she gets her own way. This is because YOU/others allow it.

brighteyedandbushytailed · 13/01/2013 17:23

I never understood the sharing thing when I was a(n only) child. Partly, of course, because I simply wasn't exposed to it as much as children with siblings. Also, because as an only child I think you spend a lot more time viewing the adult world and getting pissed off by the perceived double standard. I remember seething when my mum told me that I had to share my much loved Meccanno set with a cousin and thinking "you don't share your things, why should I share mine?"

Pinkflipflop · 13/01/2013 17:27

Why are you looking to attribute your friend's behaviour to her being an only child? If she had siblings and behaved like this, what would you attribute it to? She just likes her own way. Do you seriously not know people who like their own way who are not only children?

Sparklingbrook · 13/01/2013 17:32

DSs have 2 friends that are only children. One is spoilt rotten and the other is very much not spoilt. The thing they do have in common is that they seem older than their years and speak like adults to me.

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