To ask your opinion? Re Children and seating.

[MeganScarlett]

My mum lives by herself in a smallish flat, and for her birthday always has the family over for tea and cake. My mum has four children and each of them has between 2-3 children and now some of them have their own children. So although we're not a large family it can get quite crowded when everyone is there.

The tea and cakes is always served in the dining room which is where all the adults sit and the younger children usually play in the living room. The youngest are between 4-9.

My niece and nephew were sat at the dining room table, they are both aged 17 and 15 and were the first to arrive with my sister. When others started arriving it was made clear by some that they should give up their seats for the adults and be made to sit in the living room with the younger children. I'm in my early 20s and made to feel sometimes that I am not adult enough to be sat with the older adults.

Should they have given up their seats for the older adults?

I'm really of the opinion that they shouldn't have, but others in the family would clearly disagree.

TSC if they're shoved in another room with kids and the adults don't speak to the, what do you expect.

At family gatherings, in my family at least, the children will speak with all relatives and engage and make conversation. It would be unacceptable for them to sit there on their DS and ignore people. That would be bad manners.

If there were not enough seats, clearly elderly people and those who need them should get them. Your scenario is different to the OPs and it's the latter of these which I thought we were discussing.

Just out of curiousity, if you weren't offered a seat, would you tell a child to move?

This was always the way I was brought up - you always gave your seat up for older relatives.
It's just a matter of respect.

I would never make my kids stand up on a bus, just because another adult needed a seat?

Seriously, who (other than you TSC) does this?

Why why why should a child stand so a random stranger can sit down?

Surely on a lurching, moving bus, a child should be seated?

i have two events a year where we have a scenario like the OP's

christmas eve at my nana's. small bungalo all her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. none of the children on dses or phones or anything, people move from room to room. ages range from 85 (nana) to a few months old. there will be people sitting on the floor of all ages and people sitting on chairs of all ages. we find the children seem to gravitate towards each other and will happily play games in the hallway but no-one sends them there and there are some who prefer to be in the living room/kitchen and will be sitting on seats. i've never seen anyone ask a child to move so an adult can sit down. some offer and i've never seen it accepted, even my nana will tell us not to be so silly.

I would not expect the teens to leave the room but I would definitely expect them to give up their seat to someone of the next generation up from them . I would always offer to give up my seat to my mother or father to in laws , it's just good manners .

My children would have automatically stood up to offer their seats to adults. My nieces and nephews do the same.

In fact, they are now all in their twenties and still offer the older generation a seat. I was brought up the same way.

I have no issues because of it and nor do they. Their turn will come when they will be offered seats from the younger generation.

how old are you bamboo? i'm 26

I can't remember who on this thread said that their DC are the same as any adult. No, they're not. You may say that they have rights. With them come responsibilities. You can't have one without the other. For example, our DC always sit in the back of the car if there are two adults in the car. I sit in the back of the car often if DM comes along and DH is driving. It's only polite. When we went on holiday to France, however, it was different as the front two passengers had to drive and map read.

We also have a big family, a bit like the OP's. In this situation I do think that the 15 and 17 yo should have given up their seats to their aunts/uncles who are of a different generation to them. it is only polite.

My DC, like TSC's, would give up their seat to another adult, without prompting now. I'm very pleased to see that.

Thanks boo

I'm nearly 38 - clearly so much older and more deserving and you'd better show me some respect and all that.

What the actual fuck?

Rights with responsibilities.

So people who are less able to be responsible have less rights?

Are you sure you want to go down this road?

why is it polite though ILJJ?

I don't think people are quite understanding the situation.

There were seats available in an adjourning room however adults that arrived later than the teenagers wanted the seats the teenagers had even though there was plenty of seating in a different room.

No one would have been stood up or sat on the floor.

I don't think it's polite if I walked into a room expected my niece to give up her seat who had been sitting there from the start because I didn't want to sit on a different chair.

What about the respect and manners of the older generation?

of course, it's only polite after all bamboo. can you pass me down a cushion to sit on please?

No, boo you don't deserve one whilst playing on your DS. Go and sit at the kids table and shut it

It's just the manners that I was brought up with. There are such things as common courtesy and it is one of those imo. I was once one of the younger people and gave up my chair to those of the older generation and the up and coming generation give up their chairs to the generation older than them. It's just a bit of thinking of others and not just of yourselves.

And yes, DamnBamboo, I do think those who have fewer responsibilities do have fewer rights in most situations. I do say most, not all.

but they all pick their noses and then wiggle their fingers about in the biscuit tin!

ILJJ what situations are exempt from that? genuinely interested in where you draw lines and where you would allow equal status and where you wont if responsibilities are what you use to aportion rights.

That is one of the most ridiculous, ignorant posts I've ever read on here ILJJ.

It really is and there is so much wrong with that way of thinking.

Thank god we have laws in place to protect the rights of those people with less responsibilities.

I agree TheSecondComing.

No wonder theres a need for ASBOs. Seriously. Kids today are being brought up to feel the world owes them something and that their rights are more important than others rights. Its pure lack of respect. And from this thread I can see why.

surely it works in reverse though aswell tsc. why shouldn't a person of your age have the manners to offer a younger person a seat? what has age alone got to do with why someone deserves a seat?

"that their rights are more important than others rights."

er, that's the whole point we are trying to make! it is you that thinks one person should have more rights than an other. we are saying that they are equals and should have the same rights. it's the people expecting seats because they are older that are thinking they are owed something.

I'd give my seat up on public transport for someone. Or my child would sit on my knee.

I would never make my child stand up on public transport whilst I was seated. That's fucking bizarre to me.

Maybe I just don't see my child as a second class citizen.

Please look up the definition of respect and tell me why children automatically have to 'have it' for anyone older than them?

Please also tell me why any of this is synonymous with children thinking the world owes them something, simply because they shouldn't have to give up their seat to an able-bodied person who doesn't actually need it?

Please also tell me why a child's rights are less important than others rights?