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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To consider going back to work because life as a SAHM WITH 3 under 3 is too hard?

72 replies

NoMoreWineForMeThen · 11/01/2013 18:31

I'm considering returning to work part time, 3 days per wk. We would be no better off financially as the additional income would be absorbed by child care costs.

I'm finding life pretty challenging with 2yo DD and 8mo DTS. I feel that going back to work PT would help but feel guilting about putting the children into nursery (or whatever form of child care we decide upon) when it's not strictly necessary. It's such a long day for little ones and the boys would only be 1yo which is still so very young really.

However, juggling children, home and work is challenging as stressful in other ways.

AIBU? Is it worth working PT to keep myself sane, keep a little independence, keep my CV going, cover ourselves for unforeseen events such as DH redundancy etc (God forbid), etc?

OP posts:

rubyslippers · 11/01/2013 18:32

Your last paragraph is full of excellent reasons to do it

HoHoHoNoYouDont · 11/01/2013 18:33

I think it's a sensible idea. Give it a try and if it doesn't work then you can always give up the job.

PickledInAPearTree · 11/01/2013 18:33

To me working three days is just right.

You need to find what works for you, I think it sounds like you would enjoy it.

Ds loves nursery, and gets a lot from it..

LadyMargolotta · 11/01/2013 18:33

There is no reason to feel guilty about using childcare. All of my children have been in part time child care and I think they have all benefitted from it - helping with potty training for example, as well as the social aspect.

It is definitely a good idea to work part time if you can find a suitable job. The main problem will be tiredness, especially if they wake up at nighttime, and if they fall ill.

NumericalMum · 11/01/2013 18:34

YANBU!!!!!! 3 under 3 I take my hat off to you!

meadow2 · 11/01/2013 18:35

Sounds like you want to do it so dont feel guilty.As a poster above mentioned the hardest part will be the tiredness as long as your not bothered about that then go for it.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 11/01/2013 18:39

YANBU at all!

I was never a sahm but I was desperate to get back to work when I had ds2 just to have some time to myself and a break from the relentless demands of 2 under 2.

I went back 2 nights a week when ds2 was one 3 months old! I got lotsbofmcomments about leaving him so young, but he was with DH, it was nights, so I didnt miss alot of waking time and frankly I was sinking into pnd Going back to work saved me!

Squeegle · 11/01/2013 18:40

I did it with just 2. I love my children, but found it really challenging with them every day.

8 years on I am so glad I did. It would have been so difficult to get back into a good job with all that time out (work in marketing and things have changed a lot since 2004)

Yama · 11/01/2013 18:44

I honestly don't think you should feel guilty about returning to work.

TeWiSavesTheDay · 11/01/2013 18:46

Seriously, if you want to - do it!

Nellysknickers · 11/01/2013 18:50

YANBU. 3 under 3? That's amazing. Do it. I have a 7yr old and 2yr old, I work 2 days a week and love it. You can make it work for you.

zlist · 11/01/2013 18:51

My SIL did this - had a two year old and then twins came along. It actually cost her money to work (they are pretty wealthy though - I think they had a nanny and one au pair as well as occasional help e.g. night nannies etc). Her children as pre-schoolers were very hard work. They are not primary schoo age/just going to high school - life it much calmer, they are lovely children, she works a lot less now so that she is there for them after-school. I think it was the right decision for her and their family.

Dawndonna · 11/01/2013 18:52

I had a son of eighteen months and twins. By the time the twins were six months, I'd gone back part time. I needed to!

Do what you feel is best for you, and good luck!

SamSmalaidh · 11/01/2013 18:53

I would, definitely.

At 12 months your twins will be starting to get something out of nursery, and will still have more days at home than not.

Could you and your DH stagger your working hours though so one drops off late and the other picks up early, just so it isn't quite such a long day?

SamSmalaidh · 11/01/2013 18:55

My MIL only had one child, but when he was 1 she got a part time job in a shop, and paid all her wages to a babysitter to look after him. She said it was the only thing that kept her sane. DH has turned out alright

LemonBreeland · 11/01/2013 18:57

It sounds like you want to do it, and there are benefits to it. I think a nanny may be the cheapest option for that many and their ages. It would also mean not such a long day for your dts as you wpuldn't need to drag them out of the house.

ceeveebee · 11/01/2013 18:57

I went back 3 days a week when my DTs were 10 months old - I don't have any other DC and I find work easier than SAHM! We got a nanny which I highly recommend if possible - round here it's actually cheaper than paying for two nursery places- but the fact I don't have to dress and feed them before I leave for work is a fantastic bonus!

Iggly · 11/01/2013 18:59

YANBU

Can you get a nanny? One who's only a few years experiences but say with a nursery background would be cheaper and possibly cheaper than nursery.

BillyBollyBrandy · 11/01/2013 19:01

I went back when I had 2 under 2,

3 days a week. Bloody marvellous.

I appreciate the dc's when I am with them, earn cash, talk to adults and keep my career going.

They get to play with other children and learn some independance.

Everyone's a winner.

janey68 · 11/01/2013 19:03

YANBU- plenty of women choose to work even though they don't need to financially. There are numerous other benefits to working.
The only thing I'd advise is that as you're coming from it from a position of finding life at home really hard work, make sure you have support systems in place (cleaner if possible, get shopping delivered, ensure your other half is really pulling their weight) Because all those jobs don't disappear... As a WOHM you are having to fit in pretty much everything you already do plus work! But speaking as someone who has never been a SAHM other than maternity leaves, I would really recommend WOHM, it can be so refreshing to have another dimension to your life and a different shape to your week

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 11/01/2013 19:04

I think it's a good idea.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 11/01/2013 19:05

But i'd go for a nanny.

scottishmummy · 11/01/2013 19:07

if you want to return do so,better than being unfulfilled stressed housewife

PolkadotCircus · 11/01/2013 19:12

Go for it,I had 3 under 15 months, a similar set up to you,hard doesn't even begin to describe it.

Ditto re the nanny.

You might be able to share one.My sister paid a fortune in agency fees but got a fab nanny. Having a nanny means no morning rush and she can do things like lunch bags etc that you've not managed to do. Also when ill she could often still work and the kids could be in their own home.

dreamingofsun · 11/01/2013 19:14

go for it if you think it will be better for you and your family. If you think it might just be easier and thats you main reason, then i'd say think again. as someone else says here - you will still end up with all the jobs you were doing as a SAHM and doing paid employment as well - so its not an easy option. I went back FT, but people who did PT found they weren't treated very seriously (in managment) at work - what sort of role would it be? Being on maternity leave was a holiday in comparison (I too have 3 kids)

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