To consider going back to work because life as a SAHM WITH 3 under 3 is too hard?

[NoMoreWineForMeThen]

I'm considering returning to work part time, 3 days per wk. We would be no better off financially as the additional income would be absorbed by child care costs.

I'm finding life pretty challenging with 2yo DD and 8mo DTS. I feel that going back to work PT would help but feel guilting about putting the children into nursery (or whatever form of child care we decide upon) when it's not strictly necessary. It's such a long day for little ones and the boys would only be 1yo which is still so very young really.

However, juggling children, home and work is challenging as stressful in other ways.

AIBU? Is it worth working PT to keep myself sane, keep a little independence, keep my CV going, cover ourselves for unforeseen events such as DH redundancy etc (God forbid), etc?

There are 2 years between my DS and I went back to work pt when my eldest was 4 months and my youngest 5 months, maternity leave itself was far too long IMO, although my salary was completely swallowed up for two years by the fees!
Nursery did neither of them any harm, both now confident sociable children. I actually enjoyed the time more that I did spend with them.
No regrets at all.

Go for it. :)

I think what you've written is quite rude. Yes being at home with 3 kids is hard, but being at work with 3 kids is even harder!!! Imagine all the chores you do now, plus a working week.

Ya nub. If you can find childcare that you're happy it's and think it'll suit you then go for it!

No brainier. You get a lunchbreak at work fgs. Imagine. A lunch break.

Rude how????

eggs11 there is nothing rude with what she has said. It depends very much on the job. Some jobs are a lot less stressfull then being at home with three children.

Also remember then if the children are in a creche, then the house will not get as untidy.

Also if both parents are working, then a cleaner is more then justified.

yes and a chance to use the toilet without being followed by three little children.

I only have 1 under 3 and it sent me back to work full time

Your reasons for going back are good ones, but if you decide to go back, remember that you have to want to be there, otherwise you'll just be miserable wishing you were at home with your kids - and that will make your employers miserable too, which will make you resent being there even more, you can see where I'm going with this.

I say that from experience when I first went back to work (to the job I'd had pre-DD) - I hated being there because I wasn't ready to go back yet. They could tell, and it ended up being crap for all parties. I thought I would be better giving up work and being a SAHM. I now have a new job, further from home, and I couldn't feel differently about working.

You are bonkers. Do you know how hard it will be to get them ready for nursery and yourself ready for work, and then still have all the chores to come back to

YANBU at all! If you want to work, work. Besides getting your sanity back and the joy of peeing without anyone bothering you, you will also be progressing your career, which has longer-term benefits. You might not make any money now, but you will increase your future earning potential.

BUT: look carefully at commute times etc etc. Organising a working life can be even more stressful than toddler wrangling. I'm lucky to work 10 mins from home so it's a doddle. But even when I worked a bit further away, it was okay because I put DD in a nursery close to work, so I didn't have to spend my whole commute stressing about getting back in time to pick her up. So I would suggest looking at childcare close to work, rather than close to home. Unless you get an aupair or nanny.

Don't feel guilty about childcare! Just pick a good setting and your DC will be happy as larry. Mine both thrived in nursery. Much better toys/crafts/messy play than at home and loads of friends to play with all day. What's not to like!?!

I couldn't be a SAHM. Hats off to those who do. But OP, I feel your pain!!

eggs - of course being at work with 3 kids is easier (minus the logistic issues). There's aren't 3 small whirlwinds in the house systematically destroying the place all day, no lunch plates/pots/cups etc cluttering up the kitchen etc etc. The chores drop to practically zero on days everyone is out of the house. And how on earth do you read the OP's post as rude?

I'd also like to add hot coffee.

Personally I found being at home with my twins far harder than being at work.

Mine are school age now but we were very lucky with our nurseries when they were younger. The key is finding childcare you're happy with.

And I agree with PP, your last paragraph is spot on.

Those of you who say working is really hard... have you tried it? I found staying at home was so much harder since the house was inevitably trashed all day and the domestic workload was probably triple what it is when we're out all day.

I went back to work when my twins were 8 months old. They never suffered, and I never felt guilty. I am not cut out to be a SAHM!

I then had another baby, so was in the same position as you, 3 under 3, and went back to work. DH is now a SAHD as he was made redundant. I do miss things sometimes, but in general, it works for us as a family.

I find it a LOT less stressful than being at home! I have never had any guilt about it either.

I think I may need a glass of I get very annoyed by some comments that come out on all of these threads - to whomever posted them on this thread, it's not personal :)

• WOHMs do not do 'everything a SAHM does' and go to work. They don't entertain the children, they don't change nappies all day, they don't feed the children, clean up after the children etc. someone else does that while they go to work! Yes there are certain jobs that still need doing (shopping, housework etc) but they should be shared if there are two parents.

• You cannot say 'nursery/childminder/SAHM/eating raw potatoes' didn't do my child any harm. You cannot possibly know that. Lots of things that affect us as children don't show until we are adults and until we are in other relationships or have children. You Just Cannot Know how your decisions will affect your children long term. (Most) people just 'do their best' and that's good enough - but don't make false claims.

OP - a toddler and 8mo twins are a handful no matter how chilled they are and if they are 'spirited' then you certainly have your hands full. Do whatever you think is best for everyone, certainly you being happy or not will have a HUGE impact on your family life, so it is one of the biggest considerations. If you were to go back now and then decide it was too soon/too much or whatever, would work be able to get someone in or something, or would you be committed to being back? Are there other options you could consider, such as two half days and you not working? Going out in the evenings? Or just handing them over to DH at the weekends for a few hours. I'm not saying you shouldn't go back to work, but if you aren't sure if it's the right thing, could you find other ways to get a bit of a break without going back to work?

Off to open the and remove my grumpy pants

Also, those saying that the OP will still need to do all the domestic work - surely when you both work, both parents share all the domestic work equally?

I think you woul find it easier (and cheaper) to have a nanny.plus have you considered what iwill happen when they are ill?

Yes, Annie, I thought that too! Surely DH will pull his weight? If two parents work FT then it's imperative IMO. From someone who has done both SAHM and WOHM, i much prefer to work and find it far less stressful.

I think YA absolutely NBU! Mine are 3 years apart, but I went back when each was 9/10 months and put them in nursery. The joy of going for a wee on my own, having a hot cup of tea, speaking with adults for a bit still hasn't lost its novelty factor, and my youngest is nearly starting school.

Go for it!

I didn't have the option but often wondered the same as you. I convinced myself that it was easier because we didn't have anywhere to go in the first few months - my oldest only started nursery when my youngest was 8months old so we muddled through somehow.
I do really enjoy the weeks off nursery where we don't have to leave the house in a flurry of noise at 8am but it does make a huge difference to have one or two out the house.

The only reason I managed is because I didn't have twins (hats off to you!) and my older 2 played very well together, and they all slept well.

What about a childminder or nursery now to look after them one or two days or half days a week at the moment to give you a break? If it means that you are a happier mummy when they are back home then it's worth it, and nothing to feel guilty about.

There are lots of way to raise children and still have them turn out absolutely fine. I work four days a week and have two under four, I can't deny that it's tiring but I still find it much less stressful, as long as Dh and I work as a team. I must admit that at first I felt awful that I wasn't the one doing everything with/for my Dc, but then realised how much they got out of their time away with me. As others have said, the key is finding childcare you are happy with.

Children turn out fine if you work. Children turn out fine if you stay home. The important thing is to make sure the care they get is the best you can manage, whether they get it from you or someone else. Do what suits YOU. No need for guilt. Dad's don't feel it. Neither should you if you're doing your best. And I would imagine we all are. You and your needs/wants/desires do not count for less than those of anyone else in your family. More women would do well to remember that. Everyone should be making compromises and getting their needs met in equal parts.

Our nanny does all our laundry and cooks for DC and often for us too. When I get back from work all dishes are done, all toys tidied away and house looks spotless. My life is infinitely easier now I work part time then it was when I was at home.

Plenty of working days I don't get a lunch break, or drink hot coffee
Plenty I do, on the other hand!