To consider going back to work because life as a SAHM WITH 3 under 3 is too hard?

[NoMoreWineForMeThen]

I'm considering returning to work part time, 3 days per wk. We would be no better off financially as the additional income would be absorbed by child care costs.

I'm finding life pretty challenging with 2yo DD and 8mo DTS. I feel that going back to work PT would help but feel guilting about putting the children into nursery (or whatever form of child care we decide upon) when it's not strictly necessary. It's such a long day for little ones and the boys would only be 1yo which is still so very young really.

However, juggling children, home and work is challenging as stressful in other ways.

AIBU? Is it worth working PT to keep myself sane, keep a little independence, keep my CV going, cover ourselves for unforeseen events such as DH redundancy etc (God forbid), etc?

Agree to some degree with stetsonsarecool. you've go to love the job you're going to.
I went back thinking the grass was greener, convinced I was ready to leave the v hard work small children and I was so sad. I really surprised myself. I gave up the job, and each month the kids got older, it got much easier.

As for returning to work, didn't cause me any problems, people seem to think once you leave work for a couple of years you're fecked. Not true at all for me. What's 5 years off when there's another 30+ years til retirement?

I honestly expected replies telling me I was being selfish. It is a comfort to know that I'm not the only one that feels/felt this way. I adore my children and in fairness, they are as good as gold. Its just that 3 of them all day every day is so difficult.

Totally take on board the comments about the other jobs that dont go away and DH mucking in. I'll be honest and say that the split with DH is unlikely to ever be 50/50 but he's a good 'un and does help much more than some. I dont think we can afford a cleaning in addition to childcare but I can try to ease our lives as much as possible elsewhere by sorting internet grocery shopping and the like.

Currently my thoughts are that I should give work a go and if I'm making a huge mistake then I can always leave and we are no worse off than we are now!

I really like the idea of a nanny and will look into that option in detail. My only concern is that a nanny might find it as difficult to get out and about as I do?? Do I have enough time to organise a nanny for a return to work in May?

eggs11 simply have no idea why most post appeared rude to you but I apologise if I've offended you somehow.

It's refreshing that noone has said "your children will be better off with you at home", i was waiting for it as I scanned through the thread!

OP I applaud you for managing twins and a toddler, going to work will most certainly be a rest for you, I'm sure. I've got a 1 and 3 yo and much as I adore them I could not be at home 5 days a week with them. I often wonder that if they had different personalities (they are both full on climbing on-the-move non-napping whirlwinds!) maybe I could, but who knows?

I don't really like my job, sadly, and I'm looking for a new one. But despite this three days a week out of the house helps enormously. And on work mornings DH and I get the DC's ready together and we do manage to get out on time (I do drop offs and pick ups). On at home days, however, it takes me bloody hours to get out of the house.

And get a cleaner!

Honestly I think, taking the benefits to you out of the equation, the children will benefit massively.

DS has loved nursery and I feel it has made him confident and settled. I would do it just for them.

i had 3 under 3 and have recently added another one to the bunch my eldest now 5 youngest 7 weeks but anyway,

yes yes yes go for it, being at home for 3 years knocked my confidence so much going to work was the best thing i could of done. being a mum is really hard work and needing a brake is not a bad thing and what better than to go to work and keep your mind occupied. i went back to work when my d/p left his job now he stays at home with the kids so i have no idea about nannies ect.

Ok, I have joined just to contribute to this tread.
I consider myself a SAHM but I do work one day a week and I do love it. One of the reasons I do it is to avoid a gap in my CV, but I still think it will be tough to go back full-time eventually. So it is worth thinking about. But on the other hand I do also think it is important to be at home with young children, if possible.

I think what has been said before is all valid, and I would agree with the general consensus that nursery fees for 3 will bankrupt you, and a nanny will be better. I also would be slow to leave one year olds in nursery but that is just my opinion.
Another way of looking at things though is do you just need a break from being with the 3 of them at home? What is your support network like? Are there any grandparents around to take the twins for an afternoon etc?
Another option is to put your DD into nursery for even one or two days? I know some may think this is an indulgence if you are at home, but my 3 year old goes to montessori 3 days so I can spend some good time with my 9 month old. I accept I am lucky to be able to do this.

I do think your 2 year old daughter would get more from it than your twins. You could always start out like this to give yourself some breathing room, see how she settles and then look to getting back part-time. Maybe you could get a childminder for the twins, and pick up from nursery?

Remember though that you are doing a fantastic job with your three, and you are entitled to some kind of break.
Good luck!

Go for it! I had 18 months off after my 5th dc. Towards the end of it I was counting down the days to get back to work

Go for it! I had 18 months off after my 5th dc. Towards the end of it I was counting down the days to get back to work

Not at all! I think anything that helps with a mum's stress is worth it. Happy mum, happy children.

if you go ahead with this, suggest the following:

1. getting a cleaner. otherwise you will end up working all the time.
2. discuss and get agreement with your husband so he's aware that he will have to muck in by doing x,y,z. otherwise you may end up doing it yourself or nagging him all the time
3. if you have a nanny or childminder think about what you will do when they are sick, or want a holiday at a different time to you and put something in place so its not so stressful when it happens
4. accept that on the 3 days you work you will probably be doing everything as quickly as you can. some people may get lunch breaks at work but mine are filled with meetings, doing work so i don't have to stay late, or catching up on family jobs, eg food shopping
5. shop online for food
6. get a slow cooker

everyone is different - its finding whats good for you and your family. i loved my maternity leave - was like a holiday in comparison to paid employment.

YANBU at all especially re keeping CV up to date

good luck with the job hunting :)

YANBU - Mine were the other way round. I had 2 year old twins when my baby was born. You must make a decision based on what's best for you and your family.

Make your decision and don't feel guilty!

The only thing I would say is that it does get easier so if you are considering staying at home maybe think about getting some additional help in the short term to make it more enjoyable if you possibly can.

My twins are now 4 and at school and I still get days when I long to be back at work but will wait until the youngest is at school too. No judgement on anyone else's choices but although it was hard I wanted to be the main caregiver until they went to school.

LPLP in reality we couldn't afford to put DD into nursery once my maternity pay ceases. Well, we could for a few months but not long term.

dreamingofsun online shopping and a cleaner are things that I need to sort regardless of whether I go back to work or not. I can almost hear my carpets begging to be vacuumed and we have slow cooker that's never been used!

Bizzarly, DH is finding these discussions rather stressful. I have no idea why yet. Perhaps he had just got his head around the fact I was staying at home with all that entails, only for me to change my mind.

With regard to nanny holidays, I'd guess DH and I would have to split some of our holidays to cover?

I agree with you to some extent about maternity leave feeling like a holiday. My first round of mat leave after having DD felt exactly like that but this time it's very different indeed .

Go for it! I found my sanity again going back to work, which, in turn, made me a better and more patient mum. Win for all.

If you decide to go for it it might be good to do it soon as DTS at 8 mths may settle more easily than as they get towards a year (in my experience working in nurseries) when more aware of separation when you drop them off.

Also you could possibly start them at nursery say one day a week to get them used to it even if not going back just yet ? If you could afford to ?

Sounds like it could be a good option for you to work P/T. Good luck !

do you have any relatives locally? many grandparents enjoy looking after grandkids - one set of ours jumps at the chance and have done sick cover etc or stay for a week if i have to work away (my husband is normally away). might be worth sounding them out in advance?

there's a nanny thread on here. if you go down this route - which is what we had in the main, ensure you have a job description. we had one nanny who expected us to pay petrol for her to get to work, for example. also i suggest checking references before you offer a job - we interviewed people who sounded great but in reality couldn't have coped with our hectic house

You are probably at the hardest bit. Go with your gut, what ever that tells you.

you have to do what is best for your family so if that means saving your sanity you going to work for a few days so be it. I think its more important your happy as well. i waited til my youngest was in full time school & the twins were settled in playschool (only 2 school yrs between ds1 and dt's but ds1 was 6 when he started as sept baby) before i went back to work as i was happy to stay at home until then, i now do more hrs than i started with but still only work 2 days as im their only parent at home (hubs is armed forces so not really reliable for childcare ) i cant cope dont want to work more hours with more than that as i like to shop be around a few days a week where im not committed to be somewhere. If your feeling the need for some seperation then take it, the last thing you want to do is resent being at home with them. IMHO being away from mum/dad helps them build up a bit of independance & they mix with other children so teaches them social skills too if its not a huge financial burden on your family id go for it .

I'm so glad that I started this tread. I feel reassured and relieved.

Dreamingofsun DH's parents are overseas and mine work full time themselves so no help there as such.

JugglingFromHereToThere The boys are BF currently so I'd need a little time to get them onto a bottle/cup before we could do any days at nursery. Although I like the thought of a nanny as an alternative to nursery and think it would work well for us.

I would Definatley look at a nanny. For example a child in London will be approx £60 a day each at nursery (£180 a day) based on 8am-6pm. A nanny approx £13gross ( £10net) £130 a day based on 8am-6pm. Leaving you £50 a day to play around with for either a cleaner/ extra nanny hours or savings. A nanny will also cook and sort out/ clear up after children. And will mean no rushing around to get them out as will come and sort breakfast/ getting dressed onwards.
They should also have no problem getting around with a toddler and x2 babys. A double buggy and reins/ buggy board should make it easy enough for them. And a car to use if needed.

It's never unreasonable to want to work! All your reasons are good ones although there is a lot of juggling involved (I think you appreciate that though - and there is probably less juggling when the children are very young). Definitely worth a go!

Do it times a million!