To not understand why anyone cares if other mothers choose to feed their babies breastmilk or formula.

[honeytea]

I am a new mum and have only recently come across the breastfeeding/formula feeding debate.

I breastfeed my DS because it is free and he is growing well and it is easy I don't think we would leave the house if i had to think about bringing steralised bottles and milk with me

I like other people's babies but I can't say I have an opinion on how other women feed their babies, so long as the baby is fed it is really nothing to do with me.

Why do some people care so much about what a baby eats? There are so many things in the world to get angry about, starving children, children with freezing homes, abuse horrid horrid things but so many people seem to get het up about well loved children drinking formula.

Am I missing something?

Feeding appears to be about as close a debate to religion as any other. When ur way works it becomes ur god and it seems people will argue /bore others to death with it. I am sure guns would be used on occaision.

Finally money, vast sums of £ are involved. Just yawn and move on. Winds the evangelicals up no end :)

Ha ha! Just read your comment about disowning your breasts. You're entertaining if nothing else starlight. X

I think views like starlights actually hurt the breast feeding message

Well it's hurting my ribs that's for sure

I've trained as a peer supporter and attended a weekly breastfeeding cafe at a surestart centre in a disadvanted area. I've read widely on the subject (but my interest is more oxytocin if I'm honest). I've had to move a lot in the last year however for personal reasons so have stopped that (And also no longer live in a disadvantaged area) but have joined the local homebirth support group where we offer visits postnatally to women who have had less access to hcps due to having had a homebirth.

Yup you're exactly right.

Having been a reception teacher I can tell you that when you go into the homes of 4 year olds you instantly see that zero conversation as a family,consistent crap food high in fat,salt and sugar,too little fruit and veg,too few books,too many screens,too little exercise,not enough educational toys,not enough interaction,not enough time, too little boundaries etc,etc are what has an effect on the progress and health of your average rec child and his future prospects not 6 months of a food that is probably 10 x healthier than your average toddler snack.

Sooooo if mums want to judge and preen do so on some of the above too or how about taking the sane route of simply keeping things in perspective in all your parenting choices along the looooong 18 year road of childhood.

I FF because the idea of bF makes me feel physically sick. Just seeing the word turns my stomach an my palms get sweaty. Of I see a BF mum, I throw up. God knows why I react this way, but I do.

Frankly, I'm sure my daughter appreciates the fact that I FF her rather than have panic attacks and throw up on her while I attempted to BF.

Is breast feeding more beneficial to babies? Yes. Is FF going to damage my child? No.

My daughter is ten months old and is healthy and happy, as am I. If I was pressured into BF I probably would have had a nervous breakdown and been absolutely no good at all to my daughter.

Live and let live.

Polkadot that has to be one of the best posts I've read in a long time.

I second that worraliberty! Put that in your pipe & smoke it starlight! X

"planned to FF from the second she conceived",

This is fair enough. Our culture makes bfing very difficult indeed. If people make that choice then I honestly don't blame them and admire their positive action.

I'm sad to see women who want and intend to bf, find it impossible, not due to their bodies, but due to internal conflict from our unsupportive culture, misinformation, unrealistic expectations, interalised judgements, lack of visibility of bfing as the norm and blatently bad advice, who feel they have to justify their decision to stop and get defensive, calling bfing advocates 'militant' as an attempt to aleiviate their own guilt at something they absolutely should NOT feel guilty about, but do, because of stupid 'messages' about bfing being best thrown about in a society that is just not set up to make it possible for many.

Individuals should not be feeling guilty and taking personal responsibility for societies failings.

Starlight you posted some weird and wonderful views earlier about bf = world peace (basically) which made me laugh and then your last post was quite sensible!

Are you the same person starlight? You seem to have taken a very different line to your earlier messages. X

I'm the same person. My line is the same.

I care not a jot if mothers make an informed decision to FF, BF, wean early, baby led wean etc etc. I care a lot when mothers (and fathers too) are not helped to make that informed decision, whether that's from companies pushing formula as the best option (yes, you, Nestle) or from over zealous bf advocates spreading scare stories that formula will poison your baby.

Starlight - if part of that was aimed at me then i shall reply. I called her militant because she was and i have a decent grasp if the English language. Not to alleviate any guilt. I do not feel guilty. Do not try to force that feeling onto me.

I've had an absolute bollocking on this forum in the past for admitting that I FF from the get go, even though I also said the reason for doing so was because of my disability. Some people get great pleasure out of puffing themselves up by unnecessarily pushing others down.

It wasn't to you. It was a general response to people who say that bfing advocates make them feel guilty.

or that they believe they are trying to.

... and congratulations on the birth of your little boy HoneyTea.

I BFed. I did it because that is what I was used to. All my siblings were BFed my DB had BF and FF because he was a greedy wee shite. One of my cousins ended up being FF because of food allergies, but on the whole I BF because I come from a BF family.

I BFed because of the benefits to me. My Dsis had problems. Her DD didn't take to it and DSis suffered PND. When her DD was a few days old, my mum went out, bought some formula and gave the child a bottle. This made things so much better for my sis and her DD. No judgement. No guilt.

The low rates if BFing here do make me a little sad, but IMO it absolutely comes down to personal choice. I think that BF advocates do a disservice to BFing by preaching and condemning. I think if we are to improve the BFing rates here we need to normalize it, give support to new mums and graciously accept that it is not for everyone. Not preach, attack or adopt the notion that women should martyr themselves and their bodies for the good of baby and that those who don't don't care about their DCs.

StarlightMcKenzie Fri 11-Jan-13 09:49:02
"I'm evangelical.

In countries where there are high incidences of bfing, there are smaller gaps between the rich and poor, there are higher taxes, better health, social care and education services. More community spirit and better maternity rights and support.

Why?

Oxytocin spreads a desire for social cohesion, love of your neighbour, empathy and a desire to work as a team as opposed to competitively and individually."

Do we actually have any evidence that the social democrat politicians who introduced the Scandinavian welfare state were breastfed?
(being almost exclusively male, they can hardly have benefitted from the oxytocins of breastfeeding themselves)

Or are oxytocins spread in the manner of passive smoking so you can catch it by standing next to someone?

There are so many people who don't feed their children at all. Why should we judge anyone who is feeding their child with either breastmilk or formula? the answer is we shouldn't. I breastfed too and I don't think it's any of my business what other people choose to do as long as they are feeding and looking after their children. Oh and giving them LOVE. LOve is the most important thing of all

Nice Euro-centric blinkers you've got there Starlight.

Apparently Rwanda has the highest breastfeeding rate in the world. And we all know nothing terrible ever happened there.

Totally agree with squeakytoy!

I bf my son and my mil and sil thought they were entitled to an opinion on everything.

Even worse, my silly girl of a sil's opinion was formed around my utter bitch of a mil's made up version of how my breastfeeding was going!

This is totally not like me to behave in this way, and I probably won't out loud, but I can't wait to use the phrase "that's my opinion and am yes am, not I am entitled to it" on my sil!!

Sadly I have found since having my son last year that the people, family and friends, around me have divided into two groups...the group who actually care about me, dh and our ds and the group who only pretend but in actual fact only care about themselves and their wants instead of our needs

• I'm evangelical.

In countries where there are high incidences of bfing, there are smaller gaps between the rich and poor, there are higher taxes, better health, social care and education services. More community spirit and better maternity rights and support.

Why?

Oxytocin spreads a desire for social cohesion, love of your neighbour, empathy and a desire to work as a team as opposed to competitively and individually.

So I care very much that bfing rates are increased.*

This is total crap! I live in Sweden that has one of the world's highest bf rates and there is no community spirit here, my neighbors don't even smile at me. I have never met such closed people. The good thing is I don't have to worry about strangers touching my baby when we are out, they don't even look at him.