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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand why anyone cares if other mothers choose to feed their babies breastmilk or formula.

320 replies

honeytea · 10/01/2013 22:21

I am a new mum and have only recently come across the breastfeeding/formula feeding debate.

I breastfeed my DS because it is free and he is growing well and it is easy I don't think we would leave the house if i had to think about bringing steralised bottles and milk with me

I like other people's babies but I can't say I have an opinion on how other women feed their babies, so long as the baby is fed it is really nothing to do with me.

Why do some people care so much about what a baby eats? There are so many things in the world to get angry about, starving children, children with freezing homes, abuse horrid horrid things but so many people seem to get het up about well loved children drinking formula.

Am I missing something?

OP posts:
StarlightMcKenzie · 11/01/2013 19:56

It works in women and men, but men don't breastfeed and therefore get a boost of it.

chandellina · 11/01/2013 20:01

Starlight, that's got to be the craziest thing I've heard in this debate.

Bubblegum78 · 11/01/2013 20:01

Couldn't care less and unless you've lived in a cave the entire time you are pregnant no one needs "breast is best" rammed down their throats.

We are all aware of that thanks.

I agree with with honeytea, there are other things these well meaning indivuals could concern themselves with.

I'm pro choice. PERIOD.

catgirl1976 · 11/01/2013 20:03

True :)

But they do get a boost during orgasms and that doesn't seem to have helped make a more caring society as far as I can see......... :)

CommanderShepard · 11/01/2013 20:12

I care in the sense that the NHS bangs on and on about how breast is best but has sod all support for breastfeeding mothers, as well as there still being many midwives and health visitors who trot out advice which is total bollocks and nothing seems to be done. I care that there are women out there who wanted to breastfeed and had no support and feel like they failed in some way.

But I think that the fact that formula is there and readily available is brilliant and if you want to formula feed from the outset, fair play to you.

I would like, I think, to become a peer supporter.

StarlightMcKenzie · 11/01/2013 20:16

Men and woman may well get similar levels of oxytocin in normal lifestyle habbits, but in a society where women bf, there is more oxytocin in the population.

nkf · 11/01/2013 20:16

All available research suggests that bf is better for the health of babies and mothers. And nobody is supposed to say that because... it makes women who used formula feel guilty. That's it? Some maternal guilt is supposed to overrule public health messages about the benefits to babies and mothers.

Personally, I think the breastfeeding message is a radical one. It's about women and children and health and well being and not about companies and profit. The amount of money and time put into the breastfeeding message is a pittance compared with the amount the formula companies have to spend.

But, dear me, some people might feel a bit bad about themselves and their choices. How dreadful!

ElphabaTheGreen · 11/01/2013 20:17

Did that shitstorm thread get deleted? I bought a new sled and everything Sad

StarlightMcKenzie · 11/01/2013 20:18

You should do Commander. It's really worthwhile and lovely to be a listening ear. I should warn you though that the more women who ask for help, the more of a bfing advocate you will become because you'll learn just HOW stacked against breastfeeding our culture really is, and against bfing women.

fallingandlaughing · 11/01/2013 20:20

Well.. I love BF but only talk about it with other BFing Mums, because I don't want to make people feel uncomfortable/judged/like I am shoving my views down their throats.

I have to admit that when someone I know very well told me she was going to FF as she missed clubbing and wanted a night out drinking, and expressed breastmilk to help her lose weight, but chucked it down the sink because it would be "weird" to give it to the baby... I judged a little. But silently, internally and hopefully without my confusion registering on my face. Obviously her approach is very unusual.

When BF works out it is lovely, and it is sad people can't talk about that for fear of being accused of being "BF mafia".

It has been one of the most wonderful experiences of my life (even when it has been hard) and I'd love to go around saying "try it!" to everyone. But I don't.

catgirl1976 · 11/01/2013 20:32

Within a hour of giving birth to DS I was seen a bf support womn, which I was very Confused about as I genuinely didn't know it could be difficult unless there was a medical issue. I just popped my nipple in his mouth and we were sorted. I now appreciate I was very lucky

DS is a huge baby. 98th percentile for weight, off the percentile charts for height. I was concerned he was not getting enough milk, DH wanted to be involved in feeding and I had to go back to work very quickly, so for me it made sense to "top him up" with formula. HV agreed this would do no harm.

It worked well for us. I bf everywhere in public. Never got a "look" or felt uncomfortable. I wouldn't bottle feed in public though. That does get sneery looks IMO. I think where you live and the socio-economic status of an area seem to make a difference in whether breast or bottle is "normal" (although clearly bottle IS the norm in this country)

I never felt unsupported in breast feeding though, or that there were any obstacles to do that. Perhaps again I've been lucky

I combi-fed till he was 9 months, then stopped bfing as he had rather a lot of teeth by this point

I am very happy with my choices. They worked for us. I certainly don't feel bad for giving my baby formula.

I think it's shitty women feel judged. I had a friend who couldn't bf and she felt terrible about it. I don't think another man ever contributed to that. Only other women. Really sad. As far as I can tell she got no support, just guilt trips and judgeypants :(

I think the low levels of bfeeding are down to culture and it's a culture that should be changed. But not ever by judging what other women do as individuals with their own babies or by making wild claims on internet forums.

Breast is best in general but it's not best or possible or practical for all mothers on an individual level.

I can understand why people care about the low levels of bf as a whole. I don't get why people care on an individual level what other women do with their babies. It's just judgey and wrong.

PandaOnAPushBike · 11/01/2013 20:41

Research shows that playing with a pet dog releases as much oxytocin in both human and dog as breastfeeding does. So if you want to improve social cohesion, get a dog. :o

catgirl1976 · 11/01/2013 20:46

What about stroking a dog whilst breast feeding? Maybe you'd get superpowers Grin

"Look, it's social cohesion girl"

McKayz · 11/01/2013 20:49

I wonder if training is getting better.

When I had DD almost 7 months ago I had a trainee MW at my homebirth. She was brilliant, drove me insane during my pregnancy, but utterly brilliant through my homebirth. I'd pay to have her attend if I have anymore. She stayed after until I was happy with BF and she made it feel very easy.

With DS1(hospital birth) and DS2(home birth) it was very much "you'll get the hang of it" and we didn't. I'm over it now but I did feel guilt when it worked so well this time that it didn't with the boys.

PandaOnAPushBike · 11/01/2013 20:50

I am so going to put that to the test in May when this one pops out catgirl.

catgirl1976 · 11/01/2013 20:51

I rekon a radioactive dog will double your chances Grin

catgirl1976 · 11/01/2013 20:52

*reckon

chandellina · 11/01/2013 20:52

I really don't understand this claim that society is stacked against breastfeeding, any pregnant women is inundated with messages that it is the sole method to feed her child. To the point that she often feels guilty or like a failure if it doesn't work out. And for what, a chance of her child being at a statistically insignificant higher chance of something happening that could also happen to a breastfed baby?

Meanwhile there are real public health issues like child obesity that parents won't take responsibility for.

PandaOnAPushBike · 11/01/2013 20:57

Did I mention that my husband works in a nuclear facility? (he really does)

I'm not wearing tights with pants over the top though. My mum used to make me do that and it doesn't half chafe.

YorkshireDeb · 11/01/2013 20:58

catgirl1976 a good point well made & bloody hilarious too! Thanks x

mrscog · 11/01/2013 20:59

Chandellina I think the 'society is stacked against breastfeeding' isn't so much from the NHS, but from people's general beliefs about babies - feed every 3-4 hours, you need to know how much they're getting, shouldn't over cuddle or you'll make a rod for your own back. Plus the 'oh Dad wanted to share the feeding', well - when you have a baby there are a million things a Dad can help with - my DH did all cooking and housework for 10 weeks. I bet there aren't many new dads who sit down knackered thinking 'ah well, washing done, meals cooked, baby changed, if only I could help with the feeding as well' but because giving a bottle is one of the easier and more exciting tasks you can help with men want in on the action.

giveitago · 11/01/2013 21:05

OP - people have these views - or rather mothers have these views because they competitive and think we should parent like them. Same divides over sleep training, taking solids, those people taking every opportunity to suggest their brats are 'gifted and talented' etc.

I think this is sadly what modern parenting is about You're constantly judged and also unsure of yourself.

chandellina · 11/01/2013 21:07

As others have said, it so depends on your upbringing and the people around you. I was breastfed, my dh was breastfed, every single friend of mine breastfed, everyone I encountered at baby group breastfed, so there was really strong peer pressure. I never heard advice like setting a feeding schedule, the unanimous advice was to feed on demand.

chandellina · 11/01/2013 21:10

You could say I'm the successful byproduct of a campaign to encourage women to breastfeed yet my experiences with my two children and subsequent look into the research behind the breastfeeding benefits has made me deeply sceptical of its promotion.

Kayano · 11/01/2013 21:49

I'm sorry, I've given up this thread and have cried a few tears of laughter in the process over the welfare bill in Sweden. I mean WTF?! on a bf thread.

I gave up BF fate three days to stop my panic attacks and save my mental health (suffer from anxiety) and I've still had shit online about not trying hard enough. I say to people ' Oh I wish I could have BF' because that's what I feel I should say...

well actually it is bull. If I have another baby I may give the colostrum and then straight to ff for me