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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To try out my local mother and baby/ toddler group this morning?

26 replies

ilikeyoursleeves · 09/01/2013 07:08

My baby is 6 months old now so I'm thinking on venturing out to the above group this morning. Worth it or do you think I'll be sitting in a cold church hall speaking to my baby alone for 2 hours? I feel nervous!

OP posts:
ElectricSoftParade · 09/01/2013 07:17

Get yourself along there! Deep breath and just join in. It may be intimidating at first but, even though I didn't like going to the groups, once I got there it wasn't too bad. I'm sure you will settle in and start chatting.

Good luck and I hope you enjoy it Smile.

BigShinyBaubles · 09/01/2013 07:18

I'm sure you'll be fine once you get there and your dc with have a great time playing. Good luck.

Tommy · 09/01/2013 07:19

yes, go!! it might be a bit hard at first but you may well have hit on one of those groups that is really friendly and welcoming. Be more confident and assertive than you feel "Hello, I'm new - do you mind if I sit with you?" sort of thing. And go for another mum who has a child the similar age and you can compare notes
good luck Smile

littlewhitebag · 09/01/2013 07:20

Go. I met loads of great people at a local mother and baby group when i had my first. My DD are 15 and 20 now and those people are still my very best friends. Babies are a great ice breaker and if you are like most new mums you will be able to talk for ages about him/her.

3birthdaybunnies · 09/01/2013 07:20

Go for it, some groups are a bit cliquely, but others are really friendly. Look for parents with similar age children, they may have older siblings so ask them about preschools etc, most parents are happy to talk about their children. It is a little scary seeing toddlers running around being noisy, but yours will be there very soon.

I would consider going half an hour late, generally that's just before coffee time, so you will have a drink to focus on, and then probably only an hour to go, so if there is tumbleweed you've not wasted so much time.

It will probably take a few weeks to get to know people, so you do need to persevere, and be gentle with us veterans who have probably got two or three different groups of parents/children to remember for each child. We may not remember your name but we're generally happy to help a newbie.

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops · 09/01/2013 07:20

Go for it, good luck.

Stick with it, it may take a session or two to break the ice.

Whatever happens though, you'll have your baby and won't be able to finish a conversation anyway Grin

Enjoy it and have a good morning.

nannynick · 09/01/2013 07:20

Give it a try. Always nervous going to these places, some people talk to you others do not. I go to a group where they have a number of helpers who wear group t-shirts and they always chat to people.

You do not have to stay for the full 2 hours.

I'm going to one in Virginia Water, has good supplies of equipment/toys for the toddler I look after.

LadySaundersJones · 09/01/2013 07:22

Go for it. I was really nervous before trying out ours (trust me, not my natural environment at all!) but I've made some really good friends there. Just give it a go and keep at it for a few weeks before making any firm decisions about whether it's for you or not. The good thing about toddler groups is that you've got ready made topics of conversation (how old is your little one? does he/she have any siblings? what about other nurseries etc?) and you can always make a quick get away from any awkward situations by 'spotting' emergencies with your little one!

Good luck.

CabbageLooking · 09/01/2013 07:24

Ooh yes do it; then post up how you get on and I will decide whether I'm going to try mine tomorrow! Good luck!

DragonMamma · 09/01/2013 07:24

Do it! I am trying one out today too, my DC2 is over a year older than yours though and I'm feeling guilty he doesn't see kids his own age. Dc1 was in FT nursery at this age and is a social butterfly so need to bring DS up to speed.

Original poster
ilikeyoursleeves · 09/01/2013 07:25

I've already got two other dcs, one at school and one at nursery but I've never been to the mother & baby group. Hopefully I might know / recognise some people and manage to fill the two hours! Eeeeek

OP posts:
3birthdaybunnies · 09/01/2013 07:27

Oh and if this group doesn't suit then look for another one. I am lucky and had a choice of 5 nearby ones, one I didn't really get along with because the parents just sat around the edge talking while the children were feral in the middle, another one was v child focused at the children's centre, and you needed to be ontop of your child all the time - which was great below the age of 2, but when they get to 3 or 4 they don't want/need you behind them at every step.

I liked the ones best which were in between, but all parents are different and some raved about groups I personally didn't enjoy.

Original poster
ilikeyoursleeves · 09/01/2013 07:29

Ok (deep breaths) I'm going to do it!!!! Better get myself dressed then...!

OP posts:
fairylightsandtinsel · 09/01/2013 07:31

Do go, they vary enormously in terms of the play equipment, niceness of environment and most importantly, people, so if the first one doesn't click after a couple of tries, try others. Do try if you can to strike up conversation with others, it is difficult I know, I always want someone to come to me instead but if everyone feels like that, then no-one will ever speak! A compliment on someone's baby's lovely hair /eyes / behaviour is one way to start, or ask a question about the tea /coffee arrangements. It will be small talk for a while, but you my just hit lucky and find some real friends that go beyond just being a fellow mum. Good luck - maybe you can report back here Smile

extracrunchy · 09/01/2013 07:37

Do it!! Easiest way for you and DC to meet new mates Smile

HoratiaWinwood · 09/01/2013 07:53

Yes, do go.

Although it is the worst week for a session to look cliquey, as people who haven't seen each other for a few weeks will be catching up. If they are doing this, they are probably not deliberately excluding you.

Good luck, and let us know how you get on.

3birthdaybunnies · 09/01/2013 08:47

If all else fails play playgroup bingo, people to look out for-
the leader, generally, but not always smily, will nab you as soon as you get through the door - might be a contribution to pay for tea/coffee - generally less than a pound.

the established mum - has quite a few friends around, two children, one might be at preschool, more likely to seem cliquely as all their friends there too

The veteran, has been going for 10 years, have x children at school, their youngest is getting too old for toddler groups but the mother still clings onto their 'baby'

The SAHD a brave man who enters this world, but generally seen as one of the crowd now.

The grandparent - glad of a few hours entertainment for their dgc VERY IMPORTANT do not confuse with the veteran

The child minder - good to identify and watch incase you need childcare at any time for your pfb, from toddler groups I have spotted some whom I would happily employ and others I wouldn't go near.

Hope it goes well, report back later!

valiumredhead · 09/01/2013 08:59

Go for it but plan to stay for half an hour just the first time - it takes time ime to feel comfortable and for people to start recognising you and chatting.

drownangels · 09/01/2013 09:04

To be honest I hated every single second I went to them and was much better without them. I tried a few round where I lived and they were full of established childminders who all knew each other. I just felt isolated and alone and was better off putting the baby in the pram and going on long walks.

I would never recommend them to anyone. My friends, who had babies at different times to me, felt the same.

GirlOutNumbered · 09/01/2013 09:14

That's sad that you would never recommend them drown, as the benefit to your child/children is fantastic. Particularly against going for a long walk in a pram.

VisualiseAHorse · 09/01/2013 09:21

There's only one round here (small village in arse end of nowhere). You should feel very lucky if you have a choice!!

drownangels · 09/01/2013 10:35

It's not sad at all! I tried something, gave it more than a fair chance and bloody hated the times I was in there.

I'm not sure why you think my children lost out in any way?

Original poster
ilikeyoursleeves · 09/01/2013 11:55

I'm back! It was fab :) I got talking to another woman who was there for the first time too, turns out she's just moved here a month ago and she lives directly opposite my house! I watched the removal van move them in! She has 3 kids too and the youngest is the same age as mine. We swapped numbers too to pop round for a cuppa, it was like asking to go on a date lol!

I also chatted to someone else I recognised and folk were generally really nice, I even got a cuppa and yummy homemade cake. So glad I went now :)

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 09/01/2013 12:10

Oh brilliant! I met so many nice people through play group, people that have stayed friends for years and years :)

3birthdaybunnies · 09/01/2013 12:29

Homemade cake, wow, that is a toddler group worth going back to! Glad you had a good time.

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