Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how the feck people do bedtime with a young baby & toddler?!

29 replies

BobbysBeardOfWonder · 07/01/2013 19:04

It's either the baby or the toddler crying one way or the other Sad

Somehow my 2.5 yo DD suddenly can't play with her toys for 5 minutes while I feed the 7mo and put him to bed. It's like I've just abandoned her to a pack of wolves, the way she was carrying on.

I used to let her use the iPad for these 5 mins but she became a bit addicted Blush so had to completely stop that.

OP posts:
monkeynuts123 · 07/01/2013 19:18

Treat them as one baby. Toddler in bath & washed, put baby in and wash, toddler out in towel with toy, baby out in towel get nappy on. Toddler dried, baby dry and dressed, toddler dressed. Feed baby while read toddler bedtime story, lights out, toddler in bed then baby in bed. Phew!

ReapWhatYouSew · 07/01/2013 19:26

This is how I did it and I had 3 under 3:
Get everything you need in the bathroom... Put them in the bath together, get youngest out onto changing mat on floor and get dressed in pjs, then leave them on changing mat. Get eldest out and dressed, teeth brushed etc.

Go into toddler's bedroom, read story with baby in lap, put toddler in bed THEN feed youngest and put in bed. This worked better for me. If baby fussed for five mins, it didn't hurt - getting toddlers in bed can be a nightmare if you miss the window so I sympathise.

scarletfestivefingernail · 07/01/2013 19:29

Try getting the eldest in bed first. The baby will be ok to wait a bit longer. I find that even if the baby cries for 5-10 minutes it's easier to manage than if the toddler is kicking off. Once the toddler is in bed then you can feed the baby feeling much more relaxed.

Softlysoftly · 07/01/2013 19:31

Agree, although we don't do bath every night it revs them up!

So baby top and tail and into bed clothes (except sleeping bag) while toddler has her wind down tv show. Baby left to play while toddler washed, teeth and dressed.

Both upstairs on our bed for story. Baby left in cot with glow seahorse and mobile while I cuddle toddler and put her down.

Then back to feed and bed baby.

Simple.

then toddler refuses to sleep/needs a wee/ sings loudly, wakes baby who wakes 1469953267 times a night anyway at a leaf dropping. Toddler gets yelled at. Baby asleep again. Happens again. Baby and toddler somehow escape and start playing with each other. Mummy loses rag and gets both children into bed with dire threats and bribery. Drinks gin

Snowydrift · 07/01/2013 19:32

iPad whilst I get the baby to bed. But then I have a baby who will happily fall asleep by herself when I put her in her cot and a toddler who takes up to two hours to get to bed (and who throws a fit if I try and feed the baby in his room).

Bicnod · 07/01/2013 19:37

I used to do bath together, baby out first dried and dressed, baby on mat while I quickly dried and dressed toddler (baby invariably crying at this point). Fed baby while cuddling toddler and reading his bedtime stories (only way of keeping baby quiet enough to do bedtime stories). Songs and goodnights with toddler then off to deal with baby. Bloody nightmare though - poor you - this very tricky stage doesn't last long I promise.

HDee · 07/01/2013 19:39

I'd re-implement the ipad. Ease of life trumps addiction.

Original poster
BobbysBeardOfWonder · 07/01/2013 19:44

I used to feed baby while reading to toddler but now baby gets distracted by me breathing the smallest noise, so definitely would not work that way!

I might go back to putting toddler to bed first though. And hope she doesn't wail when I leave the room as per usual.

I felt a bit Sad though when I finally went to see toddler once DS was asleep, her little face was red raw from screeching Sad

OP posts:
Indith · 07/01/2013 19:44

Toddler first. Bath, get baby out and dress in bathroom. Get toddler out, pjs, stories snuggled together in toddler bed. Then feed baby.

Currently feeding baby to sleep having put 6 and 4 year olds to bed :)

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 07/01/2013 19:46

I second treat them as one. To the extent that I feed DS2 to sleep while lying on DS1s bed with him while he drops off. Once they're both asleep, put DS2 in cot

and await both of them coming in our bed in the night

Indith · 07/01/2013 19:48

Oh and remember, the toddler will hold things against you and play up if bedtime stops being good. The baby won't so if you need to dump on for 5 mins dump the baby. When dd was born ds was turning 2, sometimes if he needed a cuddle by himself we did stories together in my bed then i'd dump the baby there for 5 mins and do a last couple of nursry rhymes and cuddle in ds1's bed. Sometimes the baby cried, sometimes she just grizzled, sometimes she fell asleep Shock.

intravenouscoffee · 07/01/2013 19:49

Great tip I got on here for bathing them both was to bath toddler first and then put her in one of those swimming poncho towels. I'd sit her on the chair with another towel round her legs while I bathed the baby and get her to sings songs to 'entertain' the baby. Take baby out of bath, dry baby and put into sleep suit. Leave baby on dry towel on the floor. Unwrap toddler who is now totally dry and put into pjs.

After that it generally went to hell in a handcart and there were several nights where I fed the baby and left him to cry whilst I speed read the toddler a story because it took at least 30 mins to settle the baby and wasn't fair to leave the toddler waiting all that time.

Often I would nip into the bathroom inbetween settling the baby and returning the toddler to bed and cry for a few seconds out of frustration and exhaustion but that's pretty normal I think.

On the plus side now that they are 5 and almost 3 it's a complete doddle so hang in there.

bedmonster · 07/01/2013 19:50

Sometimes you just have to accept that someone will be crying, even if sometimes that might have been me Grin But seriously, don't bath unless necessary while it's difficult, and i'd either leave DD to play on the ipad for as long as you need her to be quiet, or put her to bed first then sort out the baby.
It's not easy, my two were only 16 months apart and I wonder now how I got through those first few years - I just know it does get easier the older they get.

PickledInAPearTree · 07/01/2013 19:51
pregnantpause · 07/01/2013 19:53

I did them in tandem. I started story in mums bed so that I could feed baby and tell story to toddler while all lying in my bed. then toddler cuddled until baby finished, put baby in cot, toddler in bed give each a kiss, and hope to god they fall asleep.

I will also say that when you have two, sometimes someone will have to be left to cry, and thats okay, it won't hurt and they won't remember.Smile

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 07/01/2013 19:54

Once the baby is sitting, dont bath anyone, take them both in the shower with you Grin

sherazade · 07/01/2013 19:54

I think it depends on the child. I always did toddler first because she was placid and didn't wail when left in her cot. Then I did baby because she took forever and only ever fell asleep on the breast needed a breastfeed and it took longer so I couldn't make my toddler wait.
Great when they grow older so you can bathe them together.
I do remember the stress, the mess in the bathroom, the wailing that echoed in my ears afterwards, but it was all worth it in the end when they were asleep.

PoppyWearer · 07/01/2013 19:56

I have a 16mo and a 4.5yo and still don't have it figured out...

Original poster
BobbysBeardOfWonder · 07/01/2013 19:59

Indith I think that is exactly the thing here, DD just wants mummy at bedtime and is too young to understand how to wait.

Sighhhhhhh

OP posts:
Meglet · 07/01/2013 19:59

yes, one crying / whinging / running ruit while you deal with the other one.

That was my experience. TBH It's still pretty grim and they're 6 & 4 now.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 07/01/2013 20:04

Mine are 4.5 and 21 months. It is not easy.

DH is generally here as well, and it is still a nightmare because whichever way we divide them up, they want the other one of us.

golemmings · 07/01/2013 20:16

I'm ill in bed and DH has just done bed time with 15mo and 3.5yo. He's never done it solo before, and DS has never gone to bed without a bf before.

Since the babymonitors are both in our room, I could tell what he was doing.
Took both into bathroom. Bathed DS and dd too or she watched. Dressed DS and sent dd to dress. Both to cd's room for stories. Left dd playing there whilst milk and settling DS. Returned to dd for story.
Took about 20 mins longer than normal and DS went down much better than normal. I am clearly a bedtime distraction and should go out instead!

golemmings · 07/01/2013 20:22

I'm ill in bed and DH has just done bed time with 15mo and 3.5yo. He's never done it solo before, and DS has never gone to bed without a bf before.

Since the babymonitors are both in our room, I could tell what he was doing.
Took both into bathroom. Bathed DS and dd too or she watched. Dressed DS and sent dd to dress. Both to cd's room for stories. Left dd playing there whilst milk and settling DS. Returned to dd for story.
Took about 20 mins longer than normal and DS went down much better than normal. I am clearly a bedtime distraction and should go out instead!

golemmings · 07/01/2013 20:23

Oops. Sorry.

Footface · 07/01/2013 21:16

I have 2.5 ds and a 7 mth ds. I put baby down first, and tell eldest ds if he shouts or screams then he'll only have one story. A couple of nights with one story and now he's very good and tells me not to wake baby