to withdraw my dd's (6 and 7) from private school?

[sherazade]

Help and advice genuinely need . Long post, sorry.

Background info: We lived abroad until summer 2011 when we unexpectedly returned back to the UK. We applied for school places instantly but as the summer holidays were looming, we were advised by the city council that places were short, there had been a huge influx of new children in our area, and that there would be a long (indefinite- months/a year) wait till my dc got a place at a local school. I started teaching in September 2012 and DH watched the girls as there was still no sign of a school place. I spent all my breaks/lunch hours and after work chasing up phonecalls (waiting upto an hour sometimes on the telephone), filling in forms, launching appeals (as discovered this was the only way to secure a place). I applied to schools out of my catchment area and even to schools that weren't ideal, out of desperation for them to be back in school.

In mid October, dh had to go back to work and there was still no sign of a school place; we were all desperate. I decided then, and didn't actually have any choice anyway, to put them in the school I work in, as being a member of staff there, they were given priority for a place.

This is a private fee paying school , and I had never been keen on them attending private school in the past but now had no choice. However,of all the places I have worked and trained in, this was the by far the best (no bitchy comments about children in staff rooms, no unprofessonalism, complete dedication and care for every single child, small class sizes; hard working , approachable, lovely teachers, personal 'village' feel to school etc). I saw it as a short term solution, and in any case the only solution for now. The girls, (who'd had a horrible time in their school abroad and never adjusted), adjusted instantly, made friends, progressed well, and love school.

Fast forward a month and I get a reply from the appeals saying one dd had been offered a place. I felt I couldn't move dd from the school at this point, she'd seemed too secure and happy and was thriving. Financially, it was difficult but not impossible to keep paying for the fees so I declined the offer. I thought it was worth the financial struggle for both dd's to be so happy and secure after a turbulent year abroad.

But now over a year later doubt creeps in. We've had a few unexpected costs that have set us back a bit and are really starting to struggle alot more to pay the fees. I feel like now I am bending over backwards this year to pay them especially because the fees increased this year too. On one hand, I feel it unreasonable to burden ourselves financially with the fees. We are coping, but just about. On the other hand,we have moved around a bit (and may move again)and I feel the priority is stability for the dd's as long as I can offer it to them. I don't think I can bear the thought of moving them and them not settling. Am I being precious? DH thinks that although the girls love their school and its brilliant to see them thriving , confident and settled, but sadly they should go. I am on the fence. Help!

sorry there's an error- I started teaching sept 2011 when we returned

So would they both have school places now?

No, I would have to go throgh the same applicaiton process and depending on the time of year and what's available, there would be a several months waiting period, shorter if we are lucky.

I'm not a lot of help I don't think - if they are that happy, I would do everything possible to keep them there, especially as you seem to have such a high opinion of it as a teacher too.

When you say you may move again - what kind of timeframe are you talking about?

and both dd's wont get a place at the same time, one dd would get offered first, then based on that the other one could follow when one becomes available.

Moving time frame - 1-2 years from now. It is due to dh's career and the projects abroad his company are involved in. It's really unpredictable though.

and with regards to us moving- we may not move at all or we may move, am unable to foresee what will happen at the moment wrt that.

Have you discussed this with your head? I ask because they may be willing to give you a further discount on fees as it would be negative PR for you to pull your dc out. Obviously it would depend on what they are like and your relationship with them.

If you think there's a more than reasonable chance - 60%+ - of you all moving in 1-2 years I would say leave them where they are and do everything you can to pay the fees.

I moved my DS around at that age (3 overseas countries by the age of 6), and although he was a sociable little boy, it messed up his basics schooling (his learning of numbers and writing), and started to impact his willingness to make friends. A very experienced expat mum told me to expect a child to go back one term in progress every time you move them. I think she's right.

(DS now in boarding school and loving the stability and has more friends than he can shake a stick at).

Although I am generally not the biggest fan of private education, from the situation you describe I would be inclined to keep them in the school for the stability, but only if you won't be completely skinting yourself.

Considering also that you could go for months on end with one child still in private ed and another in state, and then still move I would keep them as they are.

I have discussed it with my head who knows out financial situation- whilst not dire- are burdened by private school fees and the fact dh commutes like crazy out of his own expense. I am already inr eceipt of a standard staff discount and they cannot offer me anything more to that. The waiting list is so long for the school and I know they could replace my dd's in an instant. Whilst my head is lovely I know her hands are tied, policy is policy

My instinct too is to keep them where they are as long as you are not actually going without food to afford it IYSWIM. I was at seven different schools by the time I reached 13, and I hated making friends only to lose them again etc.

What Cats said. Would be surprised if the head wasn't willing to be flexible on fees.

It will be easier to move them once both are KS2 age as class sizes are not limited to 30. Can you wait until next academic year ?

Sorry x-post. Could you appeal again or at least arrange an easier way to pay eg at certain times of year?

Would you have moving costs if you were to relocate in a couple of years?
I think that if you are just about managing to pay, and you are unable to save at all, then I would move dds to a local school (as long as you are happy that it is a good school)
If you are a teacher, can you keep an eye on their academic progress?
You say that you may never move, in which case I would be best to have dds in the local school for longer term stability, you may not be ale to ay the fees in a year or two.

We pay monthly, have had the cost spread out over 12 months so each paymenet is smaller, (but that means we pay during hols too), although this is not usually allowed (ie to spread over 12 months), she made the exception for us. She has also turned a blind eye to the massive deposit they take (which the accountant told me was unheard of), but as far as the amount is concerned, they are getting staff and sibling discount but its still obviously quite a bit to pay. Another teacher in similar position to mine recently withdrew her dd for financial reasons and her dd had been there since nursery. I don't see her much as she is only there on a supply basis so I'm not close enough to ask her for more info and she never seems to want to talk about it but when I ask her how her dd is she looks pretty sad and says she's ok but misses and asks about her old school. I know her dh had emplymenet issues though so pretty sure her situation was more dire than mine.

timetoask you raise a valid point, I feel that thereare just so many whatif's that make it hard to make a proper decision

I think regardless of the type of school, for your girls now, they need the consistency and stability of the same school for a while, especially if you are planning on a move again in another 1-2 years. They are at time when friendships become more important and the foundations of core skills are being built.

Also bear in mind that you need to give notice to the current school. This is normally a term's notice and/or a term's fee. So, even if you get a place immediately - you will still need to give that notice and pay that fee, even if your dd is not attending. A place at a state school will not be kept open for you during this time - you have to take it up pretty much straight away. The other risk is giving notice and then the girls not having a place available to them.

well, at least they'll have something to put in their autobiographies.

'how mum and dad messed us about, taking us from one country to another, then moving schools for no good reason when we had a chance to settle for a while...'

your problem isn't the 'private', its the money. so organise the money and give them a break.

They can also put into their autobiographies that they had rich ,eventful ,stimulating ,fulfilling lives with family who loved them dearly . DH is in a career that compels us to move; it's not unheard of.