To not feel rich even though husband earns £250k a year

[whoovian]

I don't feel rich - I scarcely feel comfortable on this level of income.

Why is that - I grew up in a very poor family (not enough food at times type of poor) so I know what poverty feels like.

We are not extravagent spenders - we have one 1 week european holiday a year, no savings however we do have 4 children in private school(!) and live in London.

I feel unreasonable when I consider how little income others survive on but what do you think?

I agree with everlong I do think the op has got off lightly I am a reasonable human being honestly but i fail to grasp the notion of a person feeling sorry for themselves at having a 250k salary and feeling poor because what she isn't quite fitting into the lifestyle she bought into, and not prepared to cut the cloth blah blah,

I feel sorry that she is so unhappy that what she has is not enough how much exactly would be enough to make the op happy and rich

Has the OP said that she is poor ? I thought she said she wasn't rich.

In fact her OP says that she doesn't feel rich, therefore she admits this is about perception rather than an objective reality.

£6k into a pension is actually not that much as a percentage of salary. To me, increasing that significantly and/or increasing savings significantly would be more important than private primary school.

And yes I am curious about where these children are going at £21k per year - because that is really bloody expensive even for private school.

whoovian I suspect it is your lack of savings that leaves you feeling insecure. Wealth, IMO, is actually very little to do with income, because that can always change. No-one is genuinely wealthy, or rich, until they have significant assets outside of their primary residence. Until then you can be comfortable, but possibly only temporarily so.

Lot of tilting at windmills going on!

Op hasn't -

Said they feel sorry for themselves
Said they feel poor
Said they are struggling financially
Said they require advice on how to economise.

They have commented on a perception of what it means to be rich and admitted they feel unreasonable. Half the responses here appear to be about something entirely different.

please don't assume posters are jealous because they think the op is bu.
I think a brag about your income is wrong. and saying 250 grand isn't enough makes anyone sound greedy.

I've just read Morebeta's post a few pages back:-

£250k Gross
£125k Net (after all taxes)

Mortgage or Rent £50k
School fees £50k (4 x £12.5 k)
Living Expense £50k

Net over spend £25k per annum

"Living Expense £50k ???!!!" Pardon me if I don't seem overly concerned about your putative overspend.

I suspect that when you grow up poor , you may have spent time dreaming of being rich and you may have been unrealistic on those dreams.

Both dH and I grew up in poverty and I suspect that if we had know in our late teens what our income would be as adults we would have assumed that we were hiring private jets and swabbing around in designer clothes and diamonds.

I wish I had the time to read this thread.

If it's any consolation OP in SW London with only two children at indy schools we don't feel rich or fantastically wealthy either. But I do know that we are exceptionally comfortable and that anywhere else in the country (even the home counties) we would be laughing on both sides of our faces - here in SW London it's probably only one. It's about choice at the end of the day but a quarter of a mill in the best parts of London - with kids at indy schools - nah it's nothing to write home about but it's all relative. You might be advised to swap with a mummy on benefits on the 19th floor of a tower block for a week or two by many.

OP
The best thing I can suggest is that you sit down with your OH and work out how resilient you are.
By that I mean - if your DH lost his job tomorrow and would be unlikely to work again within a year, what are your backup plans - be they savings, insurances, pull the kids out of private school.
If you could eat for a year and keep a roof over your heads with the precautions you have in place then enjoy your wealth.
If however you have not put money aside for a rainy day you (and your DH) are silly rich fools.
The fact that you are still posting on the thread makes me think the former.

I can see how you might not feel rich if your expenditure is matching your earnings. However if y want to feel richer there are a number of things you could do ranging from big time consuming things like moving to small quick things like joining topcashback.co.uk or cutting your supermarket bill.

I suspect the OP would feel richer if she worked and had her own income

Said they feel sorry for themselves
Said they feel poor
Said they are struggling financially
Said they require advice on how to economise.

maybe in not so many words but that is what she means she doesn't feel rich she feels poor she hasn't got enough money she thinks she should and she asked what we thought ? what did she expect us to say , there there dear poor you, her expenses are her children at a private school that is why she doesn't feel rich,

Many on here will say £10K on food per annum is outrageous. I don't and I don't think you need to be that extravagant to spend it on 2 adults and four children and FWIW DH and I only spend about £60 on each other at Xmas.

I have never forgotten the thread about the Paul Smith wallet for £140 when the family were beyond skint

arisbottle
she does : and its more than the average wage

Mrsjay, how is saying you don't feel rich equivalent to saying you feel poor? I don't feel rich, I feel comfortable, which is a long way from poor. Everything the OP has written suggests that she also feels a long way from poor.

I think you are writing your own story here (you're not the only one though).

saying 250 grand isn't enough makes anyone sound greedy.

I wouldn't have said greedy as they are in London and things can get very expensive down there.

However I did think they might be bad at managing their finances.

Might have having huge mismatch between realistically what that income will buy nowadays and expectations

Be bad at prioritising short term wants like holidays against long term needs such as savings.

They may be possibly time poor so not shopping round to get better deals on holidays and mortgage and boarding school fees and even food and not realising how much that is costing them.

Possibly they had not considering fully long term substantial financial commitments that they have taken on ? like 4 lots of private education and additional costs on top of fees or implications of not paying more into pensions now.

I feed five - we don't spend 10 K on food because we can't. If the money was there it might be a huge tempation to do so but it wouldn't mean that the money couldn't be spent better else where.

because saying you don't feel rich and you earn so much is claiming you are in fact poor and not earning enough, we are not poor I have been poor but atm we are comfortable the OP is not living comfortable on 250k and moaning about it

I think it is about attitude. The OP resents the school fees so sees them as a millstone and a negative drain on the family. I know other people who resent their large mortgages. Consequently they feel weighed down and constrained by these expenses and feel that they are unreasonable.

I choose to pay school fees and feel immensely privileged that I can make that choice for my children so I can access the education that I think will suit them best. If we had decided to stay with the state system we could have bought in the catchment of the school we liked. For many / most parents that choice is a luxury they don't have. I even enjoy paying my mortgage because I think that each month the house becomes a bit more mine and a bit less the bank's.

OP you really need to take a step back and recognise the freedoms and choices you have available to you that many don't have and be thankful for them.

mrsjay.

maybe in not so many words but that is what she means she doesn't feel rich she feels poor she hasn't got enough money she thinks she should and she asked what we thought ?

Did you read the same OP as me???? The OP does not even vaguely imply that she thinks she is poor. What a ridiculous thing to accuse her of. She actually says that she is aware that they clearly have a huge income.

She is asking why she doesn't feel rich.

Keep to the facts folks .

Mrsjay - we must be reading two different OPs. I haven't seen her day she doesn't feel comfortable. I saw her express surprise that 250k isn't enough to make her feel rich.

You've just said that you don't think that you are rich, but weirdly that apparently doesn't mean that you think you are poor. It's almost as if there is a third way! Perhaps the OP feels like you, and is surprised by that.

Sorry I misread that . I thought the OP said that her husband was earning 250k and that this was her total income .

The Op is rich.
Fact.
If she doesn't 'feel' it, tough.