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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not feel rich even though husband earns £250k a year

759 replies

whoovian · 07/01/2013 09:34

I don't feel rich - I scarcely feel comfortable on this level of income.

Why is that - I grew up in a very poor family (not enough food at times type of poor) so I know what poverty feels like.

We are not extravagent spenders - we have one 1 week european holiday a year, no savings however we do have 4 children in private school(!) and live in London.

I feel unreasonable when I consider how little income others survive on but what do you think?

OP posts:
flippinada · 07/01/2013 18:42

Some people just live in a bubble and have no comprehension for what life is like outside of that bubble iyswim. Hence posts like the op.

noddyholder · 07/01/2013 18:43

The OP was brought up poor she she knows.

traipsingalong · 07/01/2013 18:45

You don't feel rich because inside you are still, and will always be, the little girl who grew up poor.

But you, the adult, are not poor. You are very wealthy compared to me, for example, where we feed/clothe/equip a family and pay a mortgage all on under £20k a year. We're not poor, relatively, either. Poor is the situation we had in this country many years ago where children had no shoes to wear to school. The welfare state was brought in to eradicate that kind of poverty, and if you look at it purely in those terms, it has met its aim. (Won't go into the side effects of it on this thread!).

So, re-position yourself, and get some proper perspective. You are an adult now. And youou are very, very lucky.

wordfactory · 07/01/2013 18:45

Yes, it's got nothing to do with a bubble. More to do with how one expects to live. How one imagines ones life.

And I suspect that many people would see the figure 250k and think they'd be flying first class etc...

SugarplumMary · 07/01/2013 18:50

We can afford to privately educate them and have a 'normal' life.

That thing about not coveting and the counting your blessings stuff sounds like a good plan for you then.

If you find you can make savings in your expenditure - make emergency savings. Usual advice is to have 6 months expenditure/income put away.

We?re currently don?t have that much ? and what we have we taking a risk in spending doing up house to move closer to DH work and thus reduce outgoings massively. It?s scary as we have found we?ve needed such saving in the past for unforeseeable emergencies ? redundancy and serious illness being worst.

mcmooncup · 07/01/2013 18:51

Thing is, some people genuinely don't know how to be grateful, happy and with humility. On the plus side, it is a skill you can learn.

Is it a pre-requisite in life to "feel rich"?

Do you have genuine friendships and a decent marriage?

flippinada · 07/01/2013 18:52

Well that will teach me to read all the posts before responding won't it! Slapped wrist time.

I would agree that if you've known what is like to be really poor that fear never goes away.

I've had it myself, not being able to afford food, not knowing where money will come from etc. It's bloody awful - the worry of it happening again is always with you.

trustissues75 · 07/01/2013 18:53

I have a suggestion for you OP which May help with you feeling so financially uncomfortable: live as a single mother in less than 18k a year for a year or so; that should give you plenty of perspective.

JustAHolyFool · 07/01/2013 18:53

Oh please, I was brought up poor. I didn't complain about my money when I was earning 20K, I felt fucking loaded.

flippinada · 07/01/2013 18:53

I'm a very long way from being rich btw - but am ok, no real money worries etc.

pigletmania · 07/01/2013 19:00

Yabvvvu you are rich by everyday standards. Give up the private school and living in London and you will feel a lot richer

Catchingmockingbirds · 07/01/2013 19:01

I understand OP, it must be really tough for you all. Have you checked to see what benefits you are entitled to? The state surely can't let you live in these circumstances without some help. Check out your nearest food banks to see if they can help out too.

gimmecakeandcandy · 07/01/2013 19:04

Ffs seriously? I fucking hate rich whingers. Go to the soup kitchens and see what real worry is love. Honestly

Catchingmockingbirds · 07/01/2013 19:05

trust our income was £18,000 until a month ago when DP lost his job. We felt like we were doing very well and were quite comfortable.

PacificDogwood · 07/01/2013 19:07

I suspect there are many well off people who feel intense discontent.
This is a psychological problem, not a financial one.

Fair enough to say to the OP that she is U (I told her to get a grip by which I ment perspective), but I think the mocking is a bit nasty and unnecessary.

nokidshere · 07/01/2013 19:13

Some people just live in a bubble and have no comprehension for what life is like outside of that bubble iyswim. Hence posts like the op.

This is totally true - but its also true of people who earn little and say "I wouldn;t know what to do if I earned more"!

Badvoc · 07/01/2013 19:13

I think this is about where you live and your lifestyle tbh.
If you moved and your dh or you commuted/worked from home more it would save loads. Could you downsize your home?
Also the private school thing..obv that is a long term commitment and for you its x4.
£10k on food for 6 is mad.
Totally mad.
You must shop at waitrose and the like and never cook from scratch! I dont know how you can spend that much on food....there are 4 of us and we spend half that! And we eat lots of fresh fruit/veg and I bake.
Is a £5k holiday every year necessary?
How about every other year? Camping/uk hols...
It's tricky as for us that amount of money is hard to imagine and would change our lives totally so I can't understand how you feel "poor".....
As other posters have said once the children leave school you will have much more disposable income.
(Your disposable income is more than my dh earns btw!)

LynetteScavo · 07/01/2013 19:18

But Catchingmockingbirds I bet you don't live in central London, send your DC to dependent schools and expect to be able to have a hot sunny holiday each year.

If our household income were £18K the would be repossessed.

People in other parts of the world think people living in the UK, provided with state benefits are living the life.

It's all relative.

But there have been days when I've been into London, and driven home....and as I enter the village I laugh at how much it would cost us to live in London...car parking, education, housing....there is no way we could afford it. Then I laugh some more.

LynetteScavo · 07/01/2013 19:19

dependent? I probably meant independent, but they are indeed dependent on your income. Grin

mrsshackleton · 07/01/2013 19:21

it's well known that you only feel rich if you have more money than those around you.

In London, a lot of people are VERY rich. I know many who earn as much as the OP with 3/4 kids at private schools, big houses, who are always moaning about how tough times are, because the family next door go on safari once a year and own a yacht. It's clearly an unhealthy way to think. All power to you OP for analysing these feelings and listening to other posts so seriously.

Itsjustmeanon · 07/01/2013 19:22

Interesting thread, we earn a fraction of Whoovian's income, but live in North Wales, have a tiny mortgage and do not send our children to private schools. I don't think Whoovian is being unreasonable to not feel rich. Four children, lots of tax to pay, living in London, and private education.

ScaredySquirrel · 07/01/2013 19:26

i think the OP says that she will earn £40k this year - working pt. (but for a full year). So they will be on £290k this year Shock. I think her idea of what a "normal" life is and most other peoples is a bit different.

and morebeta - there are good state schools in London you know! and even if there weren't. most people don't have any choice but to use them!

fwiw when I lived in Hampstead and was surrounded by private school parents (bankers mostly), I was drawn into this type of mindset too - its very easy to feel poor if those around you are in a completely different tax bracket.

I suspect the OP's DH is a bit of a snob about private education too - he must be sending his children to extremely expensive private schools even for London.

flowerytaleofNewYork · 07/01/2013 19:28

I imagine the problem is at least partly to do with the fact that you do not have the lifestyle you thought you would enjoy once you reached that income level. Probably your husband wasn't always earning that much but we all project and I expect you did think about what your life would be like if/when your income reached that level.

Looking at your other spending, it's obvious the reason you don't have the lifestyle you thought you would by now is the school fees and it sounds as though you resent your husband for that.

Catchingmockingbirds · 07/01/2013 19:30

lynette we've never even been on a wet holiday together, nevermind a sunny one :o

elizaregina · 07/01/2013 19:31

Op has the assessts and the income to up her lifestyle by simply moving slightly out of london..but still within desirable areas