To thing my friend may be lying

[Oliveoila]

A newish friend has just told me she is pregnant. She has a DD aged 5 and a DS aged 8.

She is in complete shock and told me she didn't want anymore children. When I asked her about birth control she said she hasnt taken ANY for the past five years. She stated she has been taking antibiotics for several weeks due to a kidney infection which I already know of. She said that this must have fixed any problems she was having???

I questioned her again saying that that if she wasn't taking any contraception it was highly likely she could end up preggers. When she mentioned her body was affected with the antibiotics I obviously thought she was on the pill. She did stutter and hesitate when I was speaking to her about this.

I'm not a suspicious person and she is a friend albeit new. When I spoke to someone else totally unrelated she said it was obvious this person was lying. What do you think?

I've not use contraception for 20 odd years! I have no miracle children, well I do have 14 yr old dd thru straight surrogacy

I get what you mean though, I have a work colleague who is a bit of a fantasist, its quite off putting when they change their stories according to the day.

It's none of your business really but I don understand why you think it's off.

The thing is, people are bound to white lie about something like this because it's such a personal thing and, yes, it's really nobody's business except the family concerned.

So just because she might not be being entirely 'truthful' about this - she is not obliged to, nor can you extrapolate anything about her honesty in general, nor likelihood to be a good friend.

I would just respect someone's privacy on an issue such as this, and not speculate as tempting as it might be. :)

OP if you are from a culture that discourages friendship and trust i find it highly hypocritical of you to expect this woman to trust you with very personal information and to take offence when she doesn't divulge what you want her to.

Booyhoo- I have always fought with my cultural background. I don't wish to be part of a lot of what is stands for. Along the way I've realised I've slowly become that person I so detest. I guess it took me this post to realise. I will work on this and maybe look to counselling.

There've been previous threads around the morality of conceiving "deceitfully" and they are not quite as one-sided as this.

I don't like liars.
But there you go.

I have to say, you have very strange criteria to assess whether or not someone is worthy of your friendship.

Can't say any of my friends have ever quizzed me on my sexual health or choices, let alone used them as some sort of stick to measure our friendship with.

I'd think that if you've been friends for 2 years you'd already know whether you're suited as friends, no?

who on earth has said the woman conceived deceitfully?

fair enough OP. i'm glad you are able to see that the issue may be yours and not this other woman's.

I had a baby die whilst pregnant, on my second pregnancy, this caused me "problems".

It took me 7 years to get pregnant again, then i got pregnant, 13 months later.

I never used contraception again, i was told that i couldn't get pregnant.

I was widowed and had new partners, then 6 months into a new relationship i became pregnant, miscarried and didn't use contraception for 5 years (with same partner).

My partner did accuse me of lying, it is horrible when you are told something by a doctor that isn't the case, over something such as fertility (which often no-one knows the answer to anyway).

OP, do not post on AIBU and then get shirty when people think you are and tell you so.

YABU. It really is none of your business. Even if she told a mistruth to you about it, it was because she doesn't yet trust you enough to tell you the truth. Quite honestly I do not blame her. This does not mean she is a habitual liar, just that she doesn't trust you, so has good instincts.

"different culture"?? Because all these nice people who have commented think that YABU and that it is none of your business you are saying it is cultural?? How do you even know what cultures the responders are from? Oh no actually that's right, you don't!

YABU

A word of advice, that would cross any culture.
If I have a 'friend' who criticises or talks badly of others, I generally keep my distance, and would certainly not impart any personal information, because they have illustrated exactly how they behave when you're not around.

Bloody hell, I'm glad you're not my friend.

Well you'll find out in 8 mths :)

You still haven't told us why you think you are entitled to know the intimate details of a relatively new friend's sex life and contraceptive choices?! Because if someone pries into your life in a way that you find uncomfortable and intrusive, then it is absolutely fair enough to lie to them - no-one has an obligation to dilvulge their private life to anybody! It has no bearing on how trustworthy the person in question is. If she did in fact lie to you, then that is entirely a reflection of the inappropriateness of your questions

I outright lied to my mum when I was pregnant (I told her we weren't even thinking about it when I was about 6 weeks gone because I wanted to wait till 12 weeks) and to a lot of my friends who were suspicious about me not drinking. And I would do it again, without a second's hesitation. People have the right to lie about personal issues including their sex lives and subjects which are emotionally sensitive, and assuming that you aren't the one who impregnated her then it shouldn't bother you. Your upbringing may have lead you to be suspicious, but this is one (of many) situations where the truth just isn't any of your business.

Your trust issues are your own to get over. I went out with someone who called me a liar every five minutes and it was bloody awful. Unless she's asking you to help her or to put yourself out in some way, you don't need to question her motives: pick your battles.