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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To thing my friend may be lying

92 replies

Oliveoila · 06/01/2013 18:20

A newish friend has just told me she is pregnant. She has a DD aged 5 and a DS aged 8.

She is in complete shock and told me she didn't want anymore children. When I asked her about birth control she said she hasnt taken ANY for the past five years. She stated she has been taking antibiotics for several weeks due to a kidney infection which I already know of. She said that this must have fixed any problems she was having???

I questioned her again saying that that if she wasn't taking any contraception it was highly likely she could end up preggers. When she mentioned her body was affected with the antibiotics I obviously thought she was on the pill. She did stutter and hesitate when I was speaking to her about this.

I'm not a suspicious person and she is a friend albeit new. When I spoke to someone else totally unrelated she said it was obvious this person was lying. What do you think?

OP posts:
prettyfly1 · 06/01/2013 19:13

Um look, if this doesnt impact you in any way, shape or form then even if you have been hurt by a friend lying, it really is not your business, or problem or issue and tbh your post makes you sound a bit paranoid and suspicious. If you are so deeply concerned about the honesty of your friends after the previous incident of lying can I recommend consulting a good therapist, because trust me you wanting to know the ins and outs of her pregnancy just in case she is 'lying' to you about something that is nothing to do with you really isnt normal.

perceptionreality · 06/01/2013 19:13

Olive - why on earth would you start a thread about this. You're not much of a friend if you feel other people have to prove they're not lying about everything tbh.

What's more, even if she was lying can you honestly say that you've never told a lie in your entire life??

Your friend's pregnancy doesn't impact your life in any way. So stop being a busy body frankly.

OhlimpPricks · 06/01/2013 19:13

Hope she picks up on your cynicism and doesn't tell you any really personal information that you feel compelled to go and discuss with other people.

My DM does this, has in depth discussion with us about other people's lives, tries to garner opinion, beefing up the story so everyone agrees with her, and therefore validates her cynical, usual nasty opinion.

She will spend 2 hours telling you the finite details of why the woman at no6 should send her kids to Private school. Guess what? I don't give a flying fuck.

OP , please don't turn into my mother. No one wants to hear you whine about someone they don't even know.

Proudnscaryvirginmary · 06/01/2013 19:14

I suggest you give up now OP. Posters may be many things on here, but stupid we ain't. You are on here for a bitch and a gossip about a newly pregnant friend. Please don't insult our intelligence by dressing it up as anything else.

Aspiemum2 · 06/01/2013 19:14

Hmm, perhaps check a dictionary before you try and correct me - who knows I might be a liar Wink

MamaMumra · 06/01/2013 19:16

I think that YABU in that it's not your business. You said she is a newish friend so I'd probably respect her privacy, not worry so much about something that has nothing to do with you.

You've spoken to someone else about this and posted here - Maybe instead support your friend as this pregnancy is a shock to her.

perceptionreality · 06/01/2013 19:16

'Very disappointed in your responses.'

Don't post in AIBU if you want everyone to agree with you. And if everyone disagrees with you then you should take it on the chin and consider you might actually be unreasonable.

Booyhoo · 06/01/2013 19:16

"Very disappointed in your responses."

Grin

WTF did you expect? total agreement? you understand there are real people behind these screens not robots without brains and opinions?

JustFabulous · 06/01/2013 19:18

To summorise how you come across OP -

nosey
patronising
untrusting
cynical
demanding
gossipy
in need of lessons in appropriate conversation topics

MamaMumra · 06/01/2013 19:18

If you don't trust her you aren't compelled to be her friend, but it really isn't anything to do with you OP.

nickelbabylyinginamanger · 06/01/2013 19:20

i have a friend who not only didn't use contraception for 7 years but also didn't have a single period.
and she got pregnant then rather then sooner.

Diddydollydo · 06/01/2013 19:20

I think you should end the friendship. For her sake.

JustFabulous · 06/01/2013 19:20

Do you tell new friends intimate, private details about your life when you first meet them?

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 06/01/2013 19:20

What sort of circles do you mix in that you need to decide if you can 'trust' a new friend or not and wtf does it have to do with her contraception. You say you haven't known her long, why the hell does she need to tell you all about her contraception. Why the hell would she lie? It's all so very weird.

bootsycollins · 06/01/2013 19:21

Could be a pathological liar or could be genuine, if she's not a close friend I'd carry on as normal but be wary, dont let her get too close, if she is a close friend I'd take a step back make myself less available and be cautious.

bonnieslilsister · 06/01/2013 19:31

Did anyone else notice In my defence I never gave it a second thought until another friend mentioned she was pregnant. I told the second friend this story and she laughed saying it didn't add up and friend1 was lying to me. So it got met thinking.

And

Rosa, yes I discussed it but these 2 friends don't know each other and I didn't mention any names. It's like discussing a personal issue on MN

Did they know each other or not?

Original poster
Oliveoila · 06/01/2013 19:33

This was a genuine post.
I've realised that yes I've come across as suspicious and cynical which Is not a trait I would like to have. My past experiences have been horrendous to say the least so I will definitely be working on myself

OP posts:
FelicityWasSanta · 06/01/2013 19:33

Lying to you, someone she barely knows, about her contraception choices... Does not make her untrustworthy in any other area.

And I love that you're disappointed in us. Grin Grin

suburbophobe · 06/01/2013 19:33

I've been naive in the past with friends and theyve lied to me about all sorts.

Well we've all been there, love.

Best not to drag all that stuff forever with you in life and tar everyone else with the same brush

I know a few women who never used or used dodgy contraception and either never got pregnant or did after x-odd years.

Life is strange! Grin

Original poster
Oliveoila · 06/01/2013 19:34

Bonnielister. These 2 people DO NOT know each other. They have both become pregnant in the same month hence discussing contraception Issues with friend2

OP posts:
EnjoyResponsibly · 06/01/2013 19:35

I think TBH you may find this lady doesn't want to be your friend and save you the trouble.

Your OP says that despite the fact this woman was shocked you chose to question her, and then drill down further making her feel uncomfortable to the point she was stuttering.

She was probably looking for sympathy and understanding. Little did she know she was going before the Lie Detector.

Can you genuinely not see that this wasn't about you?

And what Prettyfly1 said ^

Original poster
Oliveoila · 06/01/2013 19:37

When I say she is a new friend I mean I've know her about 2 years not a lifetime. Sorry for confusion.

OP posts:
JustFabulous · 06/01/2013 19:38

Maybe everyone has lied to you because they don't want to tell you stuff that is none of your business.

Original poster
Oliveoila · 06/01/2013 19:40

I'm from a Different culture. I was raised by my parents to not have or trust friends.

OP posts:
EnjoyResponsibly · 06/01/2013 19:44

Fair enough Olive but in that case the therapy suggestion is a good one to avoid future disappointment.