To ask my MIL to not Make my children stockings?

[Tertius]

I've got two dc (nearly 4 and 1.5) and I love making them a stocking from father Xmas, hanging it up on Xmas eve and watching them open it on Xmas morning.

Last year MIL seemed surprised that I did this and made my children a stocking herself - she does it for her husband and sons and now daughterinlawS and it seems she does it for the grandchildren too. This year we had Xmas at my family so I didn't think I needed t tackle the subject as we were only going to inlaws for a few days after New Year. Low and behold, when we turned up she had stockings for all of us.

It is obviously very kind and generous but I really feel two stockings is not right as it spoils the mystery of the first and also spoils the children with so much.

Would I be unreasonable to ask her not to? (she isn't the kind to speak to me about these things first. Very kind but quite domineering and formidable).

Father Christmas is the one thing I really would loveyo be utterly special and magical for my kids and I feel a second stocking lessens the impact....

I should mention that the stocking opening with the inlaws is very communal and 'an occasion'.

What do you think. I'm getting myself in an overtired tizzy about this. But I hate confrontation! How do I deal with it?

Whadyathink???

My DD gets 2 stockings too. She is 6 and I am constantly amazed at the ingenious excuses she comes up with to explain the gaping inconsistencies in the Father Christmas story!

Just let MIL get on with it

They will get smaller as DCs get older and harder to buy for.
Unless she is being very silly I'd leave her alone.

l just wish DMIL, who used to do a stocking for me, had lived to do it for DD1 and the three GC she never met.

Sometimes, petty MIL AIBU make me cross.

Just tell DC that the second stocking is from Grandma and the first from Santa. Say that Grandma likes to do it as Santa doesn't come for grownups so she does them for everyone. Next year get your DC to help make a stocking for Grandma so she has one too-share the magic and it increases not minimises it.

Hmm I understand you don't want the magic taken away but YABU - it won't take it away. Agree that children rationalise things quite easily.

As I do my DCs stockings I know how much fun it is picking out little things for them, and I hope I will be able to do it for my grandchildren one day (that said, I do think I would ask about the stocking issue first, because I could just as easily give them as normal - if small - presents).

BTW just to check by 'make' do you just mean fill the stockings, or are you/MIL actually sewing/knitting them?

Is MIL wrapping the presents BTW? Because if you want to make the Santa stocking stand out a little more you could find some really different paper, or wrap them in tissue paper or something, to show they are different?

Fwiw I have always done stockings for everyone and as far as dgc are concerned the stocking is from Santa-they only get one and their parents add to them but I do the bulk. My stepson met me just off the M25 in 2011 to collect stockings for him,his dw and dc and I post stockings to Turkey for dgd there too.

I actually think YANBU, its not just the two stockings, its the amount of presents they'll get. Maybe they are only small things, but younger children get overwhelmed by so many presents, and yes I think it would take it away from the things that Santa has got them. My honest opinion is that they had their chance to do stockings for their own children (and still do) so why can't you have the same fun and magic with your own kids? It could still be a special present opening occasion but with 1 or 2 presents each instead of loads!

I'm sure your dc will be able to understand that one stocking came from FC and one was made by Granny. They see stockings in the shops when they are out, it's not a huge leap to think that Granny thought stockings were so much fun that she thought she would buy one and make one herself.

However, of she tries to tell them that FC also left stockings at her house, then I think you are well writhing your rights to say no, they were made by granny.

Oh dear, you are being very silly!

Of course YABU!

Also, how do stockings get OTT, as you imply?! By definition they are small!

Stocking orgy?
What does that even mean?

If you think your kids get too many gifts, cut back yourself on gifts you buy. Don't expect other to. That's incredibly rude.

If your PIL are domineering and overpowering there will come a time in the future when they will push the boundaries over important issues. Don't sweat the small stuff let her do this her way.

I don't think the OP sounds mean, petty, ungrateful, or any of the usual phrases that get thrown around on these festive threads. Ok it may not be the most earth shattering problem but still.

Families have different traditions and, unless one person is trying to be difficult, they can get sorted out. My inlaws seemed to have done all presents come from Santa. The family is fairly small and they all met at the same house on Christmas Day. Aunts and uncles would bring presents but they were all from Santa.

My family is large and we would meet up with extended family over the period of a week, there would be at least 3 social gatherings where presents were given. Santa delivered me a stocking on Christmas Eve, all other presents were from the giver. It worked forums that way.

I was bemused when my children were of a Santa appreciating age, we visited inlaws and MIL starts exclaiming oh look what I've found and started up a Santa spiel. Couple of hours later and aunt comes in chatting about what Santa left at their house. My kids were confused.

I wasn't upset and I didn't doubt the love and generosity with which the presents were given. There was a situation where there was one other family there who did it the same as me. 2 other families who did everything is from Santa. From then on we all mutually and quickly changed it so the two traditions lived side by side. Inlaws reduced it to we have presents and left out loud Santa stuff. When we gave presents to 2 of the families we left off the From bit and gave them discreetly to the parents. All sorted.

Thanks all.

To defend myself I have not said anything yet so some of the more dramatic adjectives ascribed to me are a bit unseasonable! You know who you are!

We don't spend Xmas morning at home at all - we spend the whole week at one set of grandparents or another, they live far from us. So everything is done their way. I don't think it's unusual to find it difficult spending a lot of time with one's inlaws.

Thanks for your responses. Its a help. I think i will just ley it go but ask her not to overdo it. Am I alone in not wanting my children to be materially very spoilt?

Was this MIL bashing? I don't think so. Never intended to be so. Happy new year.

Well, it depends on the size of the stocking! Some people use sacks/pillowcases. Our gp's 'stockings' for the children have turned into 5 large bin liners full! Suggesting that parents (Santa) should cut down on what he brings so gp's can overindulge is a little harsh on the actual parents.

We have had threads on here about grand parents who don't bother or who hate the husbands and wives of their precious child and make lives a misery. Threads about Inlaws who storm
Into labour wards , hell there was even one about one who wouldn't buy for one child as he was adopted.

Please count your blessings that they love your children and want to do this for them. Kids adapt they know the difference it won't spoil their enjoyment of what u get them.

Yes sometimes it can feel like too much but once a week or once a month or once a year is not going to hurt them. They won't be around forever and in a few years they might even be to old and frail
And not up to the shopping trip to do them. Let them have this and give them the chance to create happy memories for your children. If anything was to happen to them you would regret making such a fuss over a packet of chocolate buttons too many or the time they bought the same toy for the stockings as you did. :)

While I do agree with the consensus that YABU, I do sympathise. I also have very overbearing PiL and when your toes are constantly being stepped on it can be easy to loose sight of which issues are important and which are not. My sil once said to me 'pick your battles' and I have borne that in mind ever since. I don't think this is something you should have a battle over.

Ps - I also understand the worry over too many gifts, but maybe you could reduce father Christmas's gifts since you know they will be supplemented with granny stocking presents?

Sorry 'lose sight' not 'loose sight'!

Thanks to the gentler sympathisers who understood!

And a good idea to say it is clearly from granny.

Also good idea to get children involved in making her one - that's the way to understand it as a present exchange.

And if anyone is still interested - they are quite big stitched stockings made of fabric not socks.

With that I will sign off as I'm sure you are all getting bored and have other threads to look at.

Yabvvvu I am afraid. No reason why your children can't have 2 stockings from FC! Accet te stocking with good grace and let it lie

I am going against the grain and saying YANBU

My MIL gave DS a bag 'from Santa' and I wasn't happy. He is only 9m so I let it go but I am thinking ill have to say something next year or the year after. I thing GPs had their turn at Santa with their DCs and now it's our turn create the magic

If if you want to turn it into petty turns, then it mil turn to be a gm,and one of the nice tjings about beibg a gp is being able to spoil gc and hand them back.

Tertius unless there is a back story of undermining behaviour then...and I don't say this lightly as I do truly have shite inlaws...yabu a bit.

I do however agree with you on not wanting to spoil/make your children materialistic. I feel the same there about ds.

My ds is now 10 months old so had no clue about Christmas this year. Dh and I asked both families not to go made, just a wee present and not to spend loads. For many reasons, we don't have a big enough house for things that will never be played with, ds does not know what is going on etc. We gave him a few small inexpensive things...he played with the wrapping paper! My family respected.our wishes and got practical things...when he is older and more aware they will give him toys etc. Dh's family went so far overboard and mil even tried to get annoyed with dh over a present we gave him...because she wanted to give him that. What would have been left for us...the actual parents...to give had she had her way! Ds was sp overwhelmed he got cranky, climbed up dh's leg, cuddled in and went to sleep! He is 10 months! Not only that, and I don't want to sound ungrateful, a few presents were duplicates pf what we got and the clothes are for 3-6 and 6-9 months. They are lovely, too many, and don't fit. We have just said thank yous but it seems wasteful to me.

Speaking as someone with horrible inlaws...Christmas being least of our problems...in the nicest possible way, chose your battles!

Maybe turn was a bad choice of phrase but I think that there are things that are a parents 'job' and I know I wouldn't be happy if anyone else (DM or MIL!) did, like first haircuts etc.

Father Xmas falls into that category for me, it's the parents that do FC, GPs can surely spoil GC without having to pinch that one off mum and dad!

Just wanted to say aswell that despite saying that yabu I do understand and you will also want to be making your own family Christmas traditions and of spending Christmas running about between grandparents you presumably haven't had that opportunity.