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AIBU?

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Original poster

'My kids never screamed like that' - old bag says loudly at the supermarket checkout...

334 replies

TeenTwinsToddlerandTiaras · 05/01/2013 18:14

about my DS (2). He is a screamer and it drives me nuts. Not when it's just me and him but when my older DSs are anywhere near him - he wants what they've got, wants to do what they're doing. He's trying to dominate, it's the pack mentality!

He screamed around Tescos as he was in the trolley and he wanted to put the food in the trolley. He screamed at the checkout as he wanted OUT! Cue santimonious, smug middle aged woman making the above comment very loudly. I don't want him to scream either but short of putting a sock in it, what can I do? I should have asked her what her secret was but I just glared.

Really unnecessary comment that only made me feel more shit and stressed and angry.

BREATHE!!!!

OP posts:
tettoni · 05/01/2013 21:48

What they often mean is that their slapping hand is itching.
Can't stop laughing at this Grin So true.

peanutMD · 05/01/2013 21:53

I do think that we are expected to shut up and put up with snide comments and rude remarks from older people, but if it were a younger person they would be petulant brats who know Bugger all.

This annoys me, I don't tolerate it from my son so why should I put up with it from others regardless of age?

LadyBeagleEyes · 05/01/2013 21:56

So what age is this Greensleeves?
My late mother was a gentle soul who practically brought up my niece in her late 60's and early 70's and babysat for my ds.
She died this year aged 80 and never hit any of us, and there were four of us under 5.
There's some mean spirited people about but it's fuck all to do with age.
In fact you sound more judgemental to me than any elderly person I've met in RL.

ilovesooty · 05/01/2013 21:59

There's some mean spirited people about but it's fuck all to do with age

Absolutely, but there are enough people who are keen to drag age into things at every opportunity.

Greensleeves · 05/01/2013 22:02

"We also had lovely comments from old women who thought my dc were adorable. That's the public for you."

see, your mother is covered. Keep your hair on.

There are horrible old people and horrible young people. But horrible old people are horrible in different ways and for different reasons than horrible young people, as a whole.

There are lovely people of all ages.

But there is definitely a type of sour-faced old woman who sticks her oar into the business of young parents dealing with children behaving badly or noisily. Old bags.

FanFuckingTastic · 05/01/2013 22:03

So, fallback onto the "Did you mean to be so rude lady?" And post thread about rude lady who upset you when out because screaming babies exist and have to go into public places sometimes and people who comment are rude.

ilovesooty · 05/01/2013 22:05

Exactly: it's perfectly possible to take issue with the woman's rudeness without bringing her age into it and behaving like an obnoxious child when people comment on the ageism.

HappyNewBleurgh · 05/01/2013 22:11

Blimey some people here are very saintly never to have an unpleasant thought about someone who has been catty to them. It's not like the op even said anything back to the woman.

And I guess I do fit the age range in question and have even been known to mentally define certain people similarly if the occasion demands. Is that a thought crime? Probably they do it to me too.

tettoni · 05/01/2013 22:11

Maybe the OP thought the woman's age was relevant.

FiveFlowers · 05/01/2013 22:13

I would say Yes they did - you just don't remember because you have gone senile.

If that was directed at me,

No they didn't.
I do remember.
I'm not senile.

HTH

FiveFlowers · 05/01/2013 22:15

There's a big difference between screaming babies and screaming toddlers, FanFuckingTastic

LadyBeagleEyes · 05/01/2013 22:20

Hahaha Greensleeves.
And by your judgmental posts, you will be that sour faced old lady.

Greensleeves · 05/01/2013 22:22

I may be a sour-faced old lady, but I won't be that sour-faced old lady, because I don't mind small children behaving like small children in public places.

ilovesooty · 05/01/2013 22:23

It's not like the op even said anything back to the woman

I think that's part of the problem. She appears to lack the ability to have dealt with the situation calmly and assertively. Her childish comments and name calling on this thread left me very surprised when she revealed her age.

ilovesooty · 05/01/2013 22:26

I don't mind small children behaving like small children in public places

No, you're just happy to judge the behaviour of adults according to their age.

It seems to have escaped the notice of some that some posters, like myself and LadyBeagleEyes have made it clear we're unhappy with the ageism while making no judgment on the child's behaviour.

Greensleeves · 05/01/2013 22:30

I'm not ageist. I'm arseholeist. I don't like people who make things worse for young parents who are doing their best.

Noting a tendency - that these comments are very often made by older women who believe in harsher discipline to control young children's behaviour - isn't ageist, it's just using one's experiences and intelligence to make an observation.

What would be ageist would be to say that all - or even most - old women behave like this. Which they don't. Many old ladies are lovely, and not old bags at all.

Also ageist would be to claim that only older people are rude and unpleasant. This is not the case either. There are lots of rude people out there of all ages (yes, including me). Some are old bags. Some are little bastards. Etc.

Mentioning age does not make one ageist

ilovesooty · 05/01/2013 22:33

Mentioning age does not make one ageist

Point taken, but referring to someone as an "old bag" or a "foul old fucker" as someone else did upthread is ageist - imo.

Greensleeves · 05/01/2013 22:38

I see what you are saying too. But I think the deciding factor is whether the OP is attributing the rudeness itself to the woman's age - which she isn't. She is using the fact that the woman was elderly as an indicator of a particular type (which IMO does exist) and because it is relevant to the KIND of rudeness and the likely motivation behind it.

I've never had a teenage boy purse his lips at me and mutter that my ds1 needs a good slap (he has AS and can be interesting in supermarkets)

I have however had teenage boys barge into me because they simply did not notice me because I am a frumpy middle aged woman, and I tend to think "selfish little sod" rather than "sanctimonious old bag" in that situation. On a bad day I might say "Do I look like a fucking doorway? No? Then don't walk through me!".

LadyBeagleEyes · 05/01/2013 22:38

Quite, ilovesooty.
And as a mother who had my child at 39, I'm way younger than you in my head in judging, Greensleeves.

apostropheuse · 05/01/2013 22:41

What a lovely OP Hmm

I'm obviously an old bag as I'm middle aged (well I am if I live until I'm 102 as I'm now 51) and I guess I must be having false memories if I cannot ever remember my children screaming all the way round supermarkets. But hey after you reach a certain age apparently that happens. Well according to some posters anyway.

Not everyone had children that screamed like that. No matter how many times you say the must have, it doesn't make it true.

I wouldn't have said anything to the OP or about the OP though, because just because my children didn't do it, doesn't make it my business how others deal with their children.

To be brutally honest though, inwardly I would have been thinking I wish that child would just bloody stop! I'm sure I wouldn't be the only one thinking it.

Greensleeves · 05/01/2013 22:42

I doubt you want the child to "just bloody stop" as much as its mother does!

apostropheuse · 05/01/2013 22:46

I doubt you want the child to "just bloody stop" as much as its mother does!
I wouldn't be too sure of that Grin

ponchopink · 05/01/2013 22:50

Not a nice or constructive comment when dealing with a screaming child. I have been there and got the tshirt with dc. I would have offered can I help pack to speed it up, and added comment I've been there.

BUT I cannot believe you are being allowed the old bag comment. I have made some comments about horrid behaviour in a child and omg it was like lighting a fire, absolutely not allowed. Therefore although the lady was no help at all , you are definitely being ageist. Age comes to us all , if we are lucky!

LadyBeagleEyes · 05/01/2013 22:50

Well exactly Greensleeves, as many of our middle aged posters have experienced.
Which is why so many of us are pissed off that 'young mums' like you judge us so harshly.
Many of us have been there, done that, and some of us have adult children and teenagers.
So we don't need to be told that we're sour faced old biddies by people whose only experience is with young children.

mrscumberbatch · 05/01/2013 22:51

You can be an 'old bag' and be 20 or 50.

Same as you can be a foul fucker and be 20 or 80. Like greensleeve's teenage boys.

I think that there's a lot of pedants on this thread. sigh

OP was obviously annoyed by this older woman, she is hardly going to wish that she had said "Please leave me, lady of an age older than I but lesser than a pensioner.... "