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Original poster

'My kids never screamed like that' - old bag says loudly at the supermarket checkout...

334 replies

TeenTwinsToddlerandTiaras · 05/01/2013 18:14

about my DS (2). He is a screamer and it drives me nuts. Not when it's just me and him but when my older DSs are anywhere near him - he wants what they've got, wants to do what they're doing. He's trying to dominate, it's the pack mentality!

He screamed around Tescos as he was in the trolley and he wanted to put the food in the trolley. He screamed at the checkout as he wanted OUT! Cue santimonious, smug middle aged woman making the above comment very loudly. I don't want him to scream either but short of putting a sock in it, what can I do? I should have asked her what her secret was but I just glared.

Really unnecessary comment that only made me feel more shit and stressed and angry.

BREATHE!!!!

OP posts:
crashdoll · 05/01/2013 21:04

I don't get why some people think it's ok to be ageist even if the person in question is rude. You lose the moral high ground and make yourself look silly.

CheCazzo · 05/01/2013 21:05

It's all very well singling out the 'miserable woman in the post office..........' - but maybe she just can't stand that sound? Maybe she has a hearing aid that amplifies some sounds to unbearable levels? Maybe she was ill? Tired? Caring for someone very ill? You just can't know - but in any of those situations your precious poppet screeching fit to break glass might just be enough to tip her (or anyone) over the edge right into...........misery.

LadyBeagleEyes · 05/01/2013 21:07

The lovely thing about ageism though, is it will come to us all.
Mwahaha.

tettoni · 05/01/2013 21:07

Well, CheCazzo, none of us knows what is going on for any other stranger. That's why it's important to be tolerant and unjudgemental.

hazeyjane · 05/01/2013 21:08

Nancy66, I too am an old bag (well nearly!) but accept that little children scream for all sorts of reasons, and sometimes, however hard you try, it is very hard to do anything to stop them.

ilovesooty · 05/01/2013 21:09

I think crashdoll is right. I'm not passing any judgment on the screaming child, the parenting involved or others' ability to cope with the noise.

I just think the OP was ageist and really childish and rude. It seems as LadyBeagleEyes said that ageism seems acceptable in a way other discrimination isn't.

AyeOopMoose · 05/01/2013 21:10

Cazzo I can't stand the sound, let alone anyone else.

Nor did I say DD2 was a "precious poppet". Crying babies/ screaming toddlers are a PITA. I don't think anyone would disagree with that.

But do you know what? I like to think that I'm tolerant enough to understand that some things in life that other people do will annoy me.

I would never be rude enough to pass comment on the way someone was dealing with, what is obviously, a stressful situation to them.

Midlifecrisisarefun · 05/01/2013 21:11

I once packed bags for another customer in tesco who had a screaming DS, I'm not sure who was more relieved, her, the checkout operator, the customer behind or myself!
The woman in the shop with the OP wasn't helpful but, hey, not everyone is tolerant of other peoples DC. Only a masochist would like having a child screaming in their vacinity.Grin
My DS1 was a screamer, everytime he started we left the shop regardless of the shopping...once he got to 3+ it was explained to him that any screaming running, sliding on the floor or general pia behaviour would result in us going home empty handed and there would be nothing for tea. Threat was carried out. Didn't take long to curb the screaming then!

CheCazzo · 05/01/2013 21:13

Of course nobody knows what's going on for a stranger. Tell the OP and AyeOop not to label other people 'old bag' 'miserable woman' etc for precisely the reason that we should be tolerant and non-judgemental. However, the parent with the screeching child always has the option to remove that child from the situation out of consideration for others. I don't expect you to agree with that - you probably feel it is your child's right to scream and give everyone else a crashing headache.

AyeOopMoose · 05/01/2013 21:22

Cazzo so you've never referred to someone negatively because of the way they have treated you? The women who was critical in the PO WAS miserable. As for the OP referring to the woman in the way she did, it wasn't a good thing but she didn't do it to her face and just came here to vent.

You say that parents of a screeching child have the option to remove them but that's not always possible. Life does go on with small children, you have to shop, run errands etc.

I do not feel that my child "has a right to scream", that's why I do everything I can to prevent this. But sometimes children are noisy.

If a parent is doing all they can to stop this, they should be supported not criticised.

CaHoHoHootz · 05/01/2013 21:23

Blimey there is some stroppy comments on here.

I would also have referred to the rude lady as an old bag, because she was acting like one. Had she been a none rude middle aged/older female she would not be an old bag. Had the rude person been male I would have referred to him as an old git.

ouryve · 05/01/2013 21:24

I'd have said "well lucky you"

Hmm at someone middle aged being an "old bag" mind.

peanutMD · 05/01/2013 21:26

CheCazzo with that point in mind.

How do we know the OP isn't a single parent working many hours and this is the one chance she got to run into the shop for milk and brad for the next few days?

How do we know the OP isn't a carer for a disabled relative who desperately needed something from the shop?

How do we know she wasn't buying something to take to the hospital for her other poorly child?

There are a million reasons why a person may need to get to the ship and screaming child or not, you can't expect them not to!

CheCazzo · 05/01/2013 21:28

I see your point peanut but I suspect that I know she's none of those things because she said she was queueing to post a letter!

tettoni · 05/01/2013 21:29

Of course nobody knows what's going on for a stranger. Tell the OP and AyeOop not to label other people 'old bag' 'miserable woman' etc for precisely the reason that we should be tolerant and non-judgemental. You're being silly.

you probably feel it is your child's right to scream and give everyone else a crashing headache.

Ooh yeah, you got me there, banged to rights Hmm Like the majority of people, I am painfully embarrassed when they do and try to stop it as far as possible, but small children cry and scream sometimes. And sometimes there's just nothing you can do about it. For what it's worth mine are generally very well behaved but sometimes lose it, usually in public. And people making comments get the sharp end of my tongue, which is very sharp indeed.

People like the woman the OP described waive their rights to tolerance by being so mean spirited themselves. There is no need to comment. Why can they not remove themselves from the situation? Why is their right to shop so much more important than the parent with the screaming child? Sometimes I can't do the shopping any other time, or post a letter, or see the doctor. If you don't like it, may I respectfully suggest that you remove yourself from the situation.

poorbuthappy · 05/01/2013 21:30

It's simple really. Next time ask the age of the woman concerned so she can be referred to as the 74/80/60 (delete as applicable) year old bag.

It's a minefield I tell you.

Greensleeves · 05/01/2013 21:34

She clearly was an old bag though. And very possibly a foul old fucker too.

If it had been a teenaged boy making a spiteful remark... well, he would be a rude little bastard. Grin

It is just descriptive. I can picture an "old bag" or a "little bastard" better than "non-specific human being". Other examples of illustrative detail - which gender the screaming child was, which supermarket it was etc- descriptive detail is part of an anecdote - that doesn't mean every detail is loaded with significance and has to be tortuously unpacked.

And the thing about "the elderly are the people who can be insulted on MN" or whatever it was - horseshit. EVERYONE gets insulted on MN.

crashdoll · 05/01/2013 21:34

poorbuthappy Why comment on her age at all?

5madthings · 05/01/2013 21:35

Err nancy he wasnt running around being a little shit, he was in the seat in the trolley hence the screaming and you cant always go home sometimes you have to get the shopping so you can have some dinner that night, make packed lunches for an older child for school the next day etc.

Fwiw i hate shopping with a stroppy toddler but sometimes it has to be done. When i see crying babies/tantruming toddlers their parents have my sympathy and i have on occassion offered to pack shopping etc.

The lady was rude, calling her names and commenting on her age is also rude but the op wanted to vent which is what lots of us do on mnet.

As for not letting children scream i suspect those that say that had children like my ds1, my nan always said to me what a 'biddable little boy' he was. I never knew what she meant until i had ds2!

AyeOopMoose · 05/01/2013 21:35

People like the woman the OP described waive their rights to tolerance by being so mean spirited themselves. There is no need to comment Absolutely perfectly put.

ouryve · 05/01/2013 21:36

I'm 43.25, so officially middle aged and have a 9yo occasional screamer and a 6.5yo major SCREAMER (it was a relief when he went to bed tonight) to deal with.

Maybe the middle aged bit is the reason why I've never, ever had a single negative comment or even look in a supermarket, even when DS2 is doing his shrieking, flapping kangaroo act and DS1 is plastered to the floor giving us what for because he still doesn't like any of the cereal bars available.

ProphetOfDoom · 05/01/2013 21:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ouryve · 05/01/2013 21:38

Or maybe it's because, even when stressed, we're respectful of other shoppers and talk to them with good humour, a plastered on smile and an apologetic shrug.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 05/01/2013 21:40

I just don't understand why people get so het up about children screaming/crying. Just be thankful they're not yours and move on or block it out!

I quite rightly got a bollocking off a sales assistant for letting my two run through the rails in Debenhams, it was my own fault, I was getting stressed and upset because I couldn't find a suitable dress for a party, so I was tuning them out. When I put DD back in the pushchair she screamed her head off for ages. The looks I then got off other customers! Damned if I do, damned if I don't!

Greensleeves · 05/01/2013 21:40

... and frankly it often IS sour-faced old women who make these comments in supermarkets. What they often mean is that their slapping hand is itching. They would never have "put up with" a child screaming. Their children would have learned early on not to dare to behave like that.

We make our choices. My children screamed in supermarkets. I either took them home or ploughed grimly on, depending on my mood and the urgency of the shopping. I didn't discipline them so strongly that they were conditioned to behave correctly at age 2. My choice. And it attracted disparaging remarks from old bags. We also had lovely comments from old women who thought my dc were adorable. That's the public for you.