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AIBU?

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Original poster

'My kids never screamed like that' - old bag says loudly at the supermarket checkout...

334 replies

TeenTwinsToddlerandTiaras · 05/01/2013 18:14

about my DS (2). He is a screamer and it drives me nuts. Not when it's just me and him but when my older DSs are anywhere near him - he wants what they've got, wants to do what they're doing. He's trying to dominate, it's the pack mentality!

He screamed around Tescos as he was in the trolley and he wanted to put the food in the trolley. He screamed at the checkout as he wanted OUT! Cue santimonious, smug middle aged woman making the above comment very loudly. I don't want him to scream either but short of putting a sock in it, what can I do? I should have asked her what her secret was but I just glared.

Really unnecessary comment that only made me feel more shit and stressed and angry.

BREATHE!!!!

OP posts:
peaceandlovebunny · 05/01/2013 20:07

i can't believe this thread either.

the o p is rude in the opening post and continues to be rude in further posts. not a person i'd like to meet in tesco or anywhere else. with her screaming child that she doesn't do anything about - anti-social and unpleasant. and not taking responsibility.

the nosey woman making unhelpful remarks doesn't deserve any support either. for goodness sake, the mum had enough to cope with, doing the shopping and the child kicking off.

in conclusion, therefore, i would say that i don't like any of you and don't want to shop in 'your' tesco.

nothing new there, then.

okthen · 05/01/2013 20:09

Dd (2) threw a tantrum on the street a few weeks ago- refusing to get into buggy, lying on floor, the works. I had newborn ds in sling and was still a bit post-partum, so couldn't just pick her up and plonk her in.

A lovely woman in her 70s I'd guess, stopped and talked dd down from the ledge. In moments she was climbing into her buggy. I cried with gratitude.

Just thought I'd balance out the op with an example of very welcome intergenerational interference!

lecce · 05/01/2013 20:11

You really think that all the people that disagreed with the Op or are middle aged have never brought up children themselves lecce?

No of course not, what did I say that implied that? I said people lack understanding but I know that people often lack understanding of things that they have actually experienced - like people who were beaten saying "It never did me any harm," type thing- people often don't remember things that make unpleasant remembering - like the time their kid screamed in public and they couldn't make it stop.

Fwiw, I have only ever had kindess from (mainly more mature, tbf Smile) strangers while my dc have been playing up, but that doesn't alter the fact that the OP had a very nasty comment made to her - or are people accusing her of making it up Confused?

HumphreyCobbler · 05/01/2013 20:11

when ds went through his screaming phase I FUCKING HATED IT. There was nothing I could do to stop him other than removing him from the situation or gagging him. Unsurprisingly I went for the former option, but occasionally I had to do a supermarket shop with him in tow (online not available then).

ilovesooty · 05/01/2013 20:15

She did have an unpleasant comment made to her. I still object to her thread title and the comments she made. I maintain that she seems as unpleasant and rude as the person she took issue with.

HollaAtMeBaby · 05/01/2013 20:16

I can't stand hearing children do that high-pitched piercing rage scream in public. It makes my hand itch to slap them. But it's not that hard to smile indulgently, remind myself that I only have to tolerate it for a few seconds, and briskly walk away until I'm out of earshot, so I'm going to say YANBU.

peanutMD · 05/01/2013 20:25

To be fair to the OP we ask get a but wound up and say things which irritate people sometimes.

I've heard my great Gran (81), my Gran (60) and my mum (43) refer to woen older than them as old bags. I see it as a comment referring more to their attitude than the person themselves.

Two old ladies were standing behind us a few Weeks ago in the bus queue and began gossiping about how horrible it was that young parents (I'm 26) were so determined to have their kids grow up fast... This was because DS(6) had gotten a pattern shaved into the side of his head because all the other school kids have it (I hate it!!).

I turned round and told the ladies, who were clearly in their 70's, "excuse me but for what its worth I am 26 not 16, my son is 6 years old and perfectly capable of making a choice about his hairstyle so I'd appreciate if they could keep their opinions to themselves as I don't want him picking up such rude habits from others"

They looked at me as if I'd just nicked their granny trolleys but it shut them up :o

FanFuckingTastic · 05/01/2013 20:26

At least it's only in the supermarket, I have my neighbour round telling me to shut my screaming kids up, moaning about his wife with arthritis getting no sleep. I'm like, uhuh, doing my best here on my own, kids with special needs and I have arthritis myself, so not being competitive about our woes, but if I could make them quiet I bloody would. You have the choice to wear ear plugs mate, I have to be awake and respond to her all night no matter how much pain I am in.

Miserable sod! Used to be really nice to me too, totally blank me since then.

pumpkinsweetieMasPudding · 05/01/2013 20:28

Yanbu op, but i'd just like to say not all middle aged people are like this.
Infact a lovely lady in kfc helped me by holding onto my pram whilst i battled to get my tantruming 2yo back into it. She smiled politey held my pram as it kept tipping and smiled sweetly at my dd and talked to her and in an instant my dd stopped crying!Smile That lady made me feel so much better as the whole of the restaurant were staring at me.

fleacircus · 05/01/2013 20:30

I bet they did, she's just forgotten.

crashdoll · 05/01/2013 20:34

Middle aged is old??!! Geez Louise, people are living longer and longer these days.

tettoni · 05/01/2013 20:40

Supermarkets are vile and stressful, so small children (who lack impulse control and general control of their own lives) often cry in them. And so it will always be. It doesn't mean they're spoilt ffs. And anyone who comments when I'm out with my kids will get much worse treatment than the OP gave this woman, in RL or on here.

For what it's worth, I'm with Penelope Leach on this one: remember whose side your on (answer for those that need it: your child's).

tettoni · 05/01/2013 20:41

*you're Blush

lecce · 05/01/2013 20:43

Ok, so on reflection I get it now. Her age should not have been mentioned, no? So the thread should have been called, "blah, blah ...says arsehole in the supermarket". I can go along with that.

LadyBeagleEyes · 05/01/2013 20:45

Anyway, our coming up to middle age OP seems to have buggered off.

Nancy66 · 05/01/2013 20:45

your kid sounds badly behaved.

hazeyjane · 05/01/2013 20:47

Screaming doesn't necessarily mean bad behaved.

spanky2 · 05/01/2013 20:49

My ds2 was just the same .Sad Order online shopping worth the money . He is 5 now and doesn't do it anymore . Don't listen to to anyone who is judgmental. My phone adds extra words. It is demoralising though isn't it?

peanutMD · 05/01/2013 20:49

Out of curiosity Nancy, does the 66 equate to the year you were born?

Just trying to justify that comment... Wink

Nancy66 · 05/01/2013 20:53

peanut - not quite - but not far off....

yep, I'm an old bag. Maybe that's why i side with my fellow old bags.

I can picture the OP now....kids running riot, screaming, knocking things over, ramming the trolley into other shoppers and mother just pretending it's not happening and blaming everyone esle.

See it every week.

spanky2 · 05/01/2013 20:57

Yikes Nancy you have a met my boys !Grin

MuddlingMackem · 05/01/2013 20:58

DontstepontheMomeRaths Sat 05-Jan-13 19:16:34

Mackem please tell me it does improve, it sounds like your DD has?

NC78 · 05/01/2013 20:59

I would say Yes they did - you just don't remember because you have gone senile.

AyeOopMoose · 05/01/2013 20:59

This is the very reason why I got so stressed with DD1. If she so much as cried when I was out I thought everyone was muttering about my poor parenting skills.

With DD2 she can wail the place down and I get my poker face on, just daring someone to pass comment yes miserable woman in the post office just before Christmas I'm looking at you.

Sometimes you can try your best but nothing will stop the DC. Comments like this do not help when you're feeling stressed. I find that if I say something back, very politely the critical person often backs down. Eg Woman: "Oh I can't hear myself think with THAT baby"
Me (juggling baby in arms): "Yes, I know she's loud. I'm sure she's as fed up as you at having to have had to queue for 25 minutes but we needed to post this".

Children cry, toddlers scream. Get over it and give the mother some support.

I can also understand the OP's description of the woman for this reason.

digerd · 05/01/2013 21:00

I think the life expectancy for a woman is statistically around 87, I read, so middle age is half of that - 43.5.
I know lovely sweet old ladies and what I call nasty pieces of work Battleaxes.
The only Battleaxes I knew when young were some of those teachers with the killer look and voice like a whiplash. < and face like shrek> The male teachers were all nice.

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