Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to still be devasted that my dog is gone?

78 replies

smilingismyfavourite · 05/01/2013 01:26

On the 23rd of Dec my dog was killed in a horrible accident. I was devastated and spent most of christmas eve barely holding it together. However, I have young kids and I had a houseful of guests so I manned up, put a face on and got on with it. I hope that my kids still had a happy Christmas even though I was in bits. Nearly two weeks later I am still broken hearted, but because he was "just a dog" I don't know where to go with this. I miss my boy so much but no one else even mentions it any more, like it was just an blip in the holiday celebrations. AIBU to still be gutted? AIBU to expect people to still care that I am so sad?

OP posts:
Original poster
smilingismyfavourite · 05/01/2013 01:27

sorry for spelling mistake in the title :(

OP posts:
happynewmind · 05/01/2013 01:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Acky123 · 05/01/2013 01:30

I'm so sorry. If anything ever happened to my dog I don't think I'd ever get over it :(

Toughasoldboots · 05/01/2013 01:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sunnywithshowers · 05/01/2013 01:31

YANBU. Your poor doggy. :(

Big hugs OP xxx

SueFlaysAgainstTheDaleks · 05/01/2013 01:33

YANBU

There is no 'time limit' on grief.

Do you have a DH/DP that you could talk to?

SueFlaysAgainstTheDaleks · 05/01/2013 01:34

Also, there's no such thing as just a dog' IME (though I know others may disagree).

Sorry for your loss :(

Booyhoo · 05/01/2013 01:36

they are never 'just a dog' to at least 1 person they are alot more.

i feel your pain. my eldest cat was beaten up and died in june. i miss him so much, just silly little things like how he used to cuddle up on my bed and how affectionate he was, the other two cats are lovely but just aren't him. i cried for alot longer than 2 weeks but i was lucky to have a few very understanding friends who listened when i called them in tears because i had just remembered he was gone.

your pain will ease and when the shock goes you will be able to accept his death. until then just try and be around supportive people. i found my dcs are a great source of comfort as they still talk about him like he's here.

so sorry for your loss

(((hugs)))

Original poster
smilingismyfavourite · 05/01/2013 01:37

I am so, so sad :( Been keeping it all bottled up because we had guests and because he was my boy and so no one else will have felt it as bad as me. I just don't think anyon realises how awful I feel. It was a nasty accident and no ones fault. A visitor left our door open and he was killed by a car. After the second day no one has said a word to me about him :-( Thank you for your kind thoughts.

OP posts:
Arseface · 05/01/2013 01:38

That's awful Smiling I'd be devastated. With an accident you have no chance to prepare yourself, unlike when a dog starts going downhill, and you can brace yourself for what's coming.
Did you have your dog for a long time? How old was he?
As you had to delay your grief for xmas it's probably going to hit you a bit harder and feel a bit weirder too. Give yourself some time. Two weeks is early days and it's probably just sinking in. Do you have any dog-owning friends who might understand better?

recall · 05/01/2013 01:39

I had a one year old dog who died on Christmas Eve ( she stole and ate 1kg of sultanas - toxic to dogs )

It was dreadful, my parents arrived for Christmas and I ran out to greet them sobbing. My husband and I spent Christmas day crying.

You are so brave getting through it for your family

You are shocked and grieving, i agree with hapynewmind he was part of your family. Sad

Original poster
smilingismyfavourite · 05/01/2013 01:42

My dcs miss him too, but they said my new years resolution should be to not cry about him anymore... They are only little, they don't really understand and don't like to see me upset so I have been really trying to keep it under control. The minute I told them he had died they were exceptionally upset, but just wanted another dog :-( DH is very supportive and is concerned that I am upset but he was "my dog" if you know what I mean. Dreading going back to work and everyone asking me how Christmas was. It was crap...

OP posts:
TerraNotSoFirma · 05/01/2013 01:49

Oh, I'm so sorry about your boy.

FreudiansSlipper · 05/01/2013 01:49

you are being hard on yourself and still probably in shock over the awful accident

if you want to cry just hid yourself away for a little when you can. It will ease in time but I still cry about my cat who I had to have put to sleep nearly 10 years ago I still miss her but it stopped hurting as much a long time ago

Original poster
smilingismyfavourite · 05/01/2013 01:51

recall :-( that is just dreadful. So sorry for your loss. He was also just a young dog and I think it is hard knowing he would have had so much life and love ahead of him.

Arse, I do have dog owning friends, some of whom we hosted at Christmas, they didn't mention him at all and have posted lots of pics of their adorable doggie and kids on FB ever since :-(

Think it is a bit like when you are ttc you see pg women everywhere. I am seeing happy dogs and happy owners everywhere. None of them are my boy though. Thank you for not thinking I am nuts xxx

OP posts:
Damash12 · 05/01/2013 01:53

Aaahhh op I'm sending you hugs. I list my dog over a year ago and for many weeks after I felt distraught so don't think you should be over it because "it's just a dog" they can be our best friends and more loyal than some family members ime! Sorry for you loss hun xx

MeerkatMerkin · 05/01/2013 01:56

YANBU. I'm so sorry, how awful for you. I completely understand - you take as long as you need to deal with it. So sad for you OP. :(

Original poster
smilingismyfavourite · 05/01/2013 02:00

Am sitting with tears rolling down my face from all your lovely comments. It's such a hard time to lose someone so dear to you. You have reasurred me I am not mad (yet) and it is okay to still be sad. He was such a good and gorgeous boy :( So sorry for all the other posters who have had to go through similar things. Sending you big unMNty hugs too xx

OP posts:
stuffitunderthebed · 05/01/2013 02:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rosehill · 05/01/2013 02:05

Oh I'm so sorry :-( I lost my boy over two years ago and I still miss him dreadfully! I have cried so many tears over that big beast. I never really understood the sentiment of missing a pet so badly until it happened to me.

I have two dogs now (one of the same breed) but they will never be a patch on him. I don't regret having them for a second and they are both adorable but I know for sure that I don't have the same bond with them as I did with him.

Lots of love to you. Cherish your memories x

soontobeburns · 05/01/2013 02:05

Oh OP Sad I will be frank one of the many deciding factors in dumping my X was when I said my BF was devestated to of lost her dog and he said "wise up its only a dog ffs" He had one too Angry

Some people just dont realise how hard it is, but dont worry about grieving it is notmal and you need to allow yourself to do so.

Sending you lots of unMn hugs.

soontobeburns · 05/01/2013 02:06

Is normal doh my phone is awful for spelling mistakes.

Arseface · 05/01/2013 02:07

Have you spoken to any of your RL friends about how you're feeling? They may not have brought it up as you were so brave over Xmas.

Definitely find someone who understands to talk to. It really helps and bottling everything up will make the sharp pangs of grief last longer.
Don't worry about telling people at work either. You might be surprised how many of them understand and are more sympathetic than family or close friends who assume you're fine. Telling people is hard but is a really good way of letting out some of the grief.

Such a dreadful thing to have happened. I'm so sorry, I'd be in pieces - you're definitely not nuts.

Original poster
smilingismyfavourite · 05/01/2013 02:07

Crying lots and lots now. Thank you for saying it's okay xxxxx

OP posts:
Kleptronic · 05/01/2013 02:10

YANBU. Two weeks is nothing! It's absolutely rubbish that no-one's talking about him too. You're grieving and no-one's acknowledging it. No wonder you're gutted.

Swipe left for the next trending thread