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AIBU?

to still be devasted that my dog is gone?

78 replies

smilingismyfavourite · 05/01/2013 01:26

On the 23rd of Dec my dog was killed in a horrible accident. I was devastated and spent most of christmas eve barely holding it together. However, I have young kids and I had a houseful of guests so I manned up, put a face on and got on with it. I hope that my kids still had a happy Christmas even though I was in bits. Nearly two weeks later I am still broken hearted, but because he was "just a dog" I don't know where to go with this. I miss my boy so much but no one else even mentions it any more, like it was just an blip in the holiday celebrations. AIBU to still be gutted? AIBU to expect people to still care that I am so sad?

OP posts:

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auburntrees · 05/01/2013 02:12

I have always had dogs and grieved for every one of them, so much so I am wary of having another as it breaks your heart so when they go. Grieve as much as it takes, as long as it takes and however you choose to do so.

andrea315 · 05/01/2013 02:15

So sorry my dog is my best friend and I can totally understand how you must feel they are not just a dog we have pets in our house and we have Ben, Ben is not a pet he is part of our family they are so special and I am sure your doggy is looking after his mummy from above and waiting for you to meet again at rainbow bridge one day x x

stuffitunderthebed · 05/01/2013 02:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Signet2012 · 05/01/2013 02:34

I had to get my 8 year old dog pts on the tenth December.

He hasn't been well since I had dd 3 months ago we put his behaviour down to sulking. A fortnight before he died he suddenly seemed much worse.

Dp and I took him and stayed until the end. Neither of us are emotional people infact in 7 years neither of us have seen the other cry until that night.

I have lost actual people close to me but it doesn't compare.

He was my best friend ( stupid I know!). I fought to hell and back to keep him when I seperated from exp. That bloody dog caused me no end of problems!!! I never had a holiday because I didn't like to leave him, he pushed dp patience to the limit when we first moved in together. He could be aggressive when he wanted which caused a few issues.

He was also the softest, daftest, fattest, hilarious dog in the world.

My house is too empty, too clean, too quiet I don't find half eaten bones buried under my pillows. I don't get pushed out the bed by him spread eagled.

It's a different life.

He wasn't just a dog to me he was my dog.

ladyWordy · 05/01/2013 02:38

I'm so sorry smiling. Two weeks is no time at all. There is no 'ought' about feelings - you feel how you feel - you're devastated, and so would I be.

I lost my little cat suddenly and it took me a long time to be able to function again. I still miss her, though I love my new cat too.

Posting this link in case it helps
www.bluecross.org.uk/2083/pet-bereavement-support-service.html

Take care and cry all you need to, ok? If anyone suggests you shouldn't, ignore them; they just aren't equipped to understand. ((Hug))

WhoPutTheDickOnTheSnowman · 05/01/2013 03:02

I'm so sorry I would and have felt the same. It is normal and horrible and can be agonising. I'm glad Ladywordy posted the link I was going to.

We're the friends the same people who opened the door? Do you think it is intentional ignoring of the fact you are still very hurt or do you think they just have no idea what to say, or feel guilty or awkward? People can be very, very rubbish at dealing with grief they don't understand.

It was the same when we lost our son and when we miscarried - you get the initial 'I'm sorry' then nothing, as if that fixes things and they've done their job. People are also caught up in their own lives (obviously) and don't think, they don't place the same significance on things that aren't happening to them and their lives have moved on a lot in 2,4,6 weeks to the point they don't really think about you or your upset and forget that it's as if all that time has stood still for you because you think about it everyday. Someone asked me about our old dog who had died a year before, they had been told but forgotten, and I burst into tears!

You've got plenty of time before you're mad, honest!

lotsofdogshere · 05/01/2013 08:30

so sorry to read what happened to your much loved dog. I empathise particularly as we lost our lovely old dog just before Christmas. He came to us from a local rescue shelter 13 years ago, and was at least 15 when he died. He had been suffering from various ailments for several months, and had been seen at our vets frequently over that period. In early December, he developed significant health problems, and lay, suffering for several days, with frequent medication and support from our vet. We struggled but finally, and with support from the lovely, caring vet, made the decision to help him leave peacefully. I am filling up now, just thinking of it, such a tough decision to make, yet we didn't want him to go on suffering. We loved him so, and I really empathise with how you feel. To lose your dog in such a sudden, dreadful way must have been such a shock to you and it isn't surprising you still feel tearful. Be tender with yourself, and accept you are grieving. Hugs to you

Megatron · 05/01/2013 08:34

Oh you poor thing. I totally sympathise, I cried for weeks when my beloved boy died and I don't care what people think about that. He was part of my family, loved me unconditionally and was my friend. God, I'm blubbing just thinking about him now. People who have never had pets don't get it I'm afraid.

coffeeinbed · 05/01/2013 08:37

Anyone who says "It was just a dog" has no idea.
Of course YANBU, I know I will be devastated when my boy goes.
Sorry to hear about this, it ok to grieve for a pet.

MackerelOfFact · 05/01/2013 08:51

I'm so sorry. That is an awful and shocking thing to happen and it's still very recent. You have every right to be upset. I still cry over my old dog who died of old age over a year ago. A dog is a companion, a friend, and a member of the family - there is no right or wrong way to grieve for him and what happened.

PumpkinPositive · 05/01/2013 09:02

Doesn't sound as if you've had an opportunity to grieve for your dog yet, if guests were staying over Christmas and nobody mentioned him after the second (!) day. The manner of his death was shocking and unexpected too, so you've every right to feel devastated - it's perfectly natural.

Are you married? How are your children bearing up? Maybe you could all do something nice as a family to commemorate your dog now the guests are gone.

Badgersnatch · 05/01/2013 09:11

Oh smilng and signet, I'm so sorry. Just before Christmas I had a drunken snotty, heaving, shuddering, wailng bawl-fest over my favourite ever dog who died almost six years ago . I wanted to send her ashes to America to be made into a gemstone but DH gave me his "frightened of the crazy pregnant" lady look so I've just kept them in a pot.

Boggler · 05/01/2013 09:13

YANBU my dog died 8 years ago and I still miss her at times.

Dorris83 · 05/01/2013 09:32

OP condolences to you on the loss of your boy. I totally understand, I'm crying reading all of these posts.

My life changed when DH and I got DDog. I've always grown up with dogs but DDog is my husband and my first dog that is ours, and b

WelshMaenad · 05/01/2013 09:39

Yanbu, you poor thing, I'm so sorry to hear about your dog.

We lost one of our cats, my gorgeous ginger ninja, to a road accident back in July and I still miss him horribly. He was only four, it was such a shock, and I think that made it harder. My poor lad.

Dorris83 · 05/01/2013 09:40

Posted too soon- ddog is the first time we have a dog who is totally our responsibility, and we love him so much, we literally can't remember life before him.

I am crying just thinking about losing him, I will be devastated , and I worry even more about my DH. DH works from home and DDog is his constant companion, DH probably talks to DDog more than he talks to me!

Your dog was part of your family who's just disappeared and you haven't had a proper farewell. Could you do a memorial for him? The kids could write cards about your boy and you could say a few words about him. My parents planted a rose bush for their old girl when she went and it reminds them of her.

Just a suggestion, but I think you should try to so something special for your boy. I also like the poster above who wants to have a gem made of the ashes, ( you should definitely do that, regardless of strange looks from husbands)

I'm so sorry op, and to all the posters who are sharing their stories. Do speak to people at work ( who have pets). They will understand.

Cherriesarelovely · 05/01/2013 10:30

I am so sorry x I would also be devastated. Our dogs give us so much love and give our lives such a jolly, lively momentum. You have absolutely every right to cry and spend time mourning him. I send you huge hugs xxxxxx

saintmerryweather · 05/01/2013 10:42

im so sorry op xxx cry as much as you need to even if nobody else understands. we had our dog put down in january 2011, he was such a beautiful dog, inside and out. we had planned his pts day so we all got up early and spoilt him absolutely rotten, cuddled him, gave him whatever he wanted to eat. he went off with my mum.n dad atvabout 10.30 and i just broke down.y boyfriend didnt even bother to text me to see how i was till i texted him first. that was one of the factors in me dumping him, that he didnt even care enough to say 'im here if you need me'. you react however ypu need to, youve had a massive shock (our dog was pts and i still struggled, am dreading my other lovely dog going and shes only 9ish)

LizzieVereker · 05/01/2013 10:44

I'm so sorry, OP, it's horrible. I miss my boy, aged 13, who died 18 months ago so much. I miss his company, his little sounds, just his personality. I'm sorry, I didn't mean this to be about me, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for your loss and that I understand. Sending you a hug.

Mutt · 05/01/2013 10:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fishandlilacs · 05/01/2013 10:53

It's perfectly normal and ok, i'm glad this thread is allowing you some space to grieve and cry. The house just feels so empty when theyre gone.

Never had a dog in adulthood but we are the same about our dear cat (pics on profile) who has been gone 3 years now. I still miss him and it still makes my heart ache when i think of him.

thebody · 05/01/2013 10:53

Just sending hugs xxxxx

BestIsWest · 05/01/2013 10:57

Yanbu at all, a dog is so much part of the family. I still miss and cry over my beloved dog who died a few days before DD was born. DD is 20 this month.

She was there for me all through my teenage years and through university. She would snuggle up to me while I sobbed over boyfriends. She was at our wedding, in all the photos. Bloody hell, I'm in tears now myself.

They do become part of your life and it is devastating when they go. I'm really sorry for your loss OP. What a rubbish time of year for it to happen.

dollywashers · 05/01/2013 10:57

You poor thing. I would be devastated too. It's a big loss. Please don't try to hide your grief. Let it out. Have you got a good friend to talk to who will just let you cry and listen x

Squeegle · 05/01/2013 11:00

I am sitting here crying too! Of course you are bereft. I remember how upset I was when my dog was put to sleep.
This must be so much harder. So sorry x

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