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AIBU?

to still be devasted that my dog is gone?

78 replies

smilingismyfavourite · 05/01/2013 01:26

On the 23rd of Dec my dog was killed in a horrible accident. I was devastated and spent most of christmas eve barely holding it together. However, I have young kids and I had a houseful of guests so I manned up, put a face on and got on with it. I hope that my kids still had a happy Christmas even though I was in bits. Nearly two weeks later I am still broken hearted, but because he was "just a dog" I don't know where to go with this. I miss my boy so much but no one else even mentions it any more, like it was just an blip in the holiday celebrations. AIBU to still be gutted? AIBU to expect people to still care that I am so sad?

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FiveHoursSleep · 05/01/2013 19:51

Oh you poor thing. I've lost a dog and a cat in road traffic accidents and there is nothing like it. One minute they are with you and healthy and the next minute they are just gone :(
I've also lost pets to ill health and cancer and that's very sad too but at least I got to prepare.
YOU need to grieve properly so cry if you want to. Let your children see you sad, this is a valuable a lesson for them.

smilingismyfavourite · 05/01/2013 19:47

Oh goodness, thank you everyone for all the lovely and caring messages you have all left me following my post. I have read them all and cried buckets. It has really helped me to read them and to know that it's okay to still be so sad over the loss of my poor beautiful boy. I'm not really sure that I haven't been supported by those close to me but rather that I just bottled it up, got on with stuff and haven't shown how sad and broken I feel. As I wasn't speaking about it I expect everyone else though it was okay to just move on too. I will certainly feel less awful about speaking about it now and I think DCs and I will create some way to remember him properly. Thank you all so much for your help and I'm so sorry too for all the lovely people who are still feeling the same way for their lovely pets as I am feeling about my boy :( I still feel lucky and blessed that I had him in my life, even if it was for far too short a time xxx

OP posts:

dietstartstmoz · 05/01/2013 16:40

oh OP, that is so tragic and it must have been such a shock to you, I dont know how you managed to get through xmas and carry on. We lost our lovely old dog in July 2011, he was 14 and had been ill for a couple of years but I still miss him and had a big cry about him last week. I will always miss him. Big hugs from me, he was a part of your family and you need time to grieve.

flowerytaleofNewYork · 05/01/2013 16:33

So sorry. Two weeks is nothing.

We lost our dog suddenly in September. He had a bad heart condition but was supposed to deteriorate gradually over time. Instead we left him in the morning bounding and happy, popped out for breakfast and came back to find him dead on the floor. :(

He was my PFB as he was a year older than our eldest DC.

We have another dog now, got him in November which was very soon, but I couldn't bear the dog shaped hole in the house. DH said when we met our new dog was the first time I'd smiled since losing PFB dog.

I still miss him loads and cry about him, but our new dog has made it a bit more bearable.

legoballoon · 05/01/2013 16:30

I'm not a 'dog person' - really 'lergic to fur - but even I can understand why you might be grieving for your pet. A pet lives in the family and you care for it daily, so of course you are going to become attached to him/her. Have a good cry if you feel like it, be kind to yourself, and give yourself some time to adjust.

verytellytubby · 05/01/2013 16:27

sending a hug.

spudmurphy · 05/01/2013 16:26

5 years on we ( family ) can just about talk about our beloved dog without crying. It will get easier

amillionyears · 05/01/2013 16:06

The thing is op, you didnt just "lose a dog".
You lost him over Christmas, which makes it worse,
you didnt have time to properly grieve,
and also, you lost him in shocking circumstances.
I have noticed, that when humans die in shocking circumstances, such as unexpectedly and sudden, that the spouse and relatives that are left, take a lot longer to get over it, on the whole, than a "normal" death, or where the person who died, was ill for a while beforehand.
I cannot see why it should be any different in pets, where the death of a pet was unexpected and sudden and horrid. The grieving is going to take longer than with the "normal" death of a pet.

shebird · 05/01/2013 16:00

So sorry for your loss it is really hard. We also just lost my parents dog and are heartbroken. He has helped all of us through some tough times and we will miss him lots. Have yet to break the news to my DCs I just can't break their hearts:(

unobtanium · 05/01/2013 15:54

I am so, so sorry. That would have killed me. Your reaction is totally normal. Could you build a little shrine to him, light candles, post pictures and let everyone say a little goodbye? Hugsxxx

BigGums · 05/01/2013 15:46

I'm near tears just reading this, so no, of course you're not being U.

Just remember he was a lucky boy to be so loved and to have had such a lovely caring person such as you in his life.

stickyg · 05/01/2013 14:17

Long time lurker here but wanted to post for the first time.

I am so sorry to hear about your boy :( A dog is never " just a dog " and yours sounds like an amazing dog.

I think its perfectly normal to still be grieving, its only been a few weeks. I had to get my oldest dog put to sleep almost 2 years ago and i still miss her like mad.

Big hugs to you xx

bluebiscuit · 05/01/2013 14:07

Yanbu to be devastated. Our family (from when i was a child) dog made a good age and died in her sleep peacefully of natural causes 2 yrs ago, but it still hurts so in your case, I am not surprised you are devastated and I imagine you will be for a while yet. Your kids are dealing with it how kids do - they will not understand how you feel but their reaction is perfectly normal for DC so don't worry about them. Still have a good cry away from the DC though because your reaction is perfectly normal for an adult. I want a dog now but I am afraid to get one because it is so awful when they go because you love them so much.

chocolatelime · 05/01/2013 13:57

YADNBU, cry as much as you need to. It's bad enough losing a beloved dog at any time, but this accident must have been such a horrible shock. I still miss my first labrador who was PTS nearly 10 years ago. Any true dog lover will understand exactly how you are feeling right now.

pjmama · 05/01/2013 13:08

My lovely girl died over 6 years ago. She was only 5 and was accidentally poisoned by a pest controller. It was pre-children so she was my baby, I'd spend hours and hours training her and we had a really strong bond. I still cry when I think of her, she was "the one" for me and was supposed to be my children's best friend while they grew up (I was pregnant when we lost her).

It's never "just a dog". The bond we have with animals is a very simple one, just made of love and loyalty - none of the complications we get with human relationships. So when we lose them, it just hurts and leaves a gaping hole. Give yourself time to grieve. X

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 05/01/2013 12:58

Gawd, I'm tearing up just reading this! Of course YANBU. It is never 'just a dog'. He was your mate, your companion, your funny dude. He had a personality and you had a relationship with him. My dog is a PITA for loads of reasons, but I adore the little shit. Be kind to yourself x

higgle · 05/01/2013 12:13

Of course it is OK, a dog is never "just a dog". not sure if theis is a helpful thing to say but my mother gets quite teary about Sam, a lab cross, they owned who was run over 30+ years ago. We are still very sad about our previous elderly dog who died in June this year, even though we have taken in another rescue dog since. I'm not religious and certainly don't believe in "Rainbow Bridge" but it would mean more to me than anything if I thought I could see them all again one day...now I'm having a little weep too!

Alisvolatpropiis · 05/01/2013 12:04

aren't

Aren't just pets!

SamuelWestsMistress · 05/01/2013 12:04

How horrible for you to have to worry that you shouldn't be feeling so sad! Of course you will feel broken hearted and its fine to. You lost him at the most hectic time of year whilst trying to sort Christmas Day for kids and guests and its not really given you a chance to let it all out and you've put your grief "on hold".

So very sorry for your loss. I can completely sympathise having lost my most wonderful and favourite cat ever on the road over two years ago. I still miss him terribly.

Be kind to yourself now, and realise that he was a lucky chap having such a caring owner. So many animals don't get that chance.

Alisvolatpropiis · 05/01/2013 12:04

Of course you aren't being unreasonable or silly to feel so sad!

Dogs are just pets to good owners. They are a member of the family. I would feel exactly the same as you in your shoes. Hope you are ok OP

COCKadoodledooo · 05/01/2013 11:57

Oh bless you smiling, sorry to hear of your loss.

I still miss my beloved Bella and it's now longer since I took her to be PTS than I actually had her for. I still find it hard to deal with the fact I did that even though I knew/know it was the best thing for her. And stupidly I still expect to hear her excited yap and scrabbling claws as soon as I put the key in the lock at my folks' house.

Two weeks is nothing when you're grieving a family member. Be kind to yourself x

Babymamaroon · 05/01/2013 11:27

Oh poor you that's just awful. I know how hard it is to deal with the loss of a cherished pet, they are a member of your family. It definitely takes time, you need to grieve and you never forget. Much love and I hope things get easier with time.

thegreylady · 05/01/2013 11:23

I share your pain. My dog had to be pts 12 years ago. He was 17 blind and incontinent,he couldn't eat properly. I have never forgiven myself and still cry when l think of him. He was with me through so many huge events. I will never have another dog.

SpicyPear · 05/01/2013 11:16

So so sorry for your loss and that no one is supporting you. Often people don't know what to say so ignore it instead. Definitely ring the Blue Cross freephone number posted below if you need to speak to someone in real life.

He was part of your family and you are perfectly normal to grieve for him. I'd be more worried about the "just a dog" crowd! My two are young and after anything happening to my human family, this would be my second worst nightmare so all my heart goes out to you. Cry for as long as you need to. A therapist I knos at an expensive London clinic said she sees a lot of people with problems stemming from not feeling they should grieve for a pet. It can really eat you up so please don't squash it down.

hoodoo12345 · 05/01/2013 11:16

My first two dogs died 2 and 4 years ago and i still feel very sad about their loss sometimes, they are a big part of your life for a very long time.
I have two more dogs now but when i take them on a favourite walk of my other dogs the memories come flooding back

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