Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband wants a lie in while we have guests over.

148 replies

Empross76 · 04/01/2013 23:54

A friend if mine, her husband and children are popping over tomorrow morning for a cuppa, catch up and to exchange Xmas pressies for the kids. Just for an hour or so.
My husband has told me he will stay in bed and have a lie in while this happens.
He is not very sociable and never instigates social situations, although he is very witty, entertaining and fun in these situations, and has friends.
He just doesn't see why he should lose the chance for a lie in cos of 'my' visitors.
I disagree - I think if a family pops in to see us then we should host as a family. I will be beyond embarrassed having to make up a white lie about him having a headache or something to keep him in bed.
I think he's being selfish and childish. What do you think? AIBU?!!!!

OP posts:
Casmama · 05/01/2013 00:22

I would just wait unil they get there then shout p to him very loudly that friends are here and then if he doesn't come down joke about him being a lazy arse and tell all the children to go up and jump on the bed to wake him up.

Original poster
Empross76 · 05/01/2013 00:24

Clipped Phoenix - not socially inept, socially lazy!
Casmama Smile!

OP posts:
Original poster
Empross76 · 05/01/2013 00:24

And Talkative Jim Smile!

OP posts:
ClippedPhoenix · 05/01/2013 00:26

so just rude then?

Original poster
Empross76 · 05/01/2013 00:28

I think so, Clipped Phoenix.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 05/01/2013 00:28

My dh sometimes has people popping in for a coffee / chat or meeting about something - if I happen to be in the kitchen / lounge or whatever when they arrive, then I'll say hello and make a bit of small talk, but I won't then go and sit with them for an hour - they are dh's friends.
Similarly, I have some people that will come to see me, that dh won't make sure he's available for. Would say hello if he happened to be passing through at the same time as them, but not put it in his diary to be there, nor stay in the same room if we were chatting.
Some friends we have that we are 'couple' friends with, but those that are particularly my friends, or his friends, we can each cope with seeing on our own. It strikes me that you have guests over, not "we", which makes all the difference here.

AgentZigzag · 05/01/2013 00:30

' DH won't do things if he doesn't want to, even if it's the right thing to do.'

A grown man not wanting to do something he's not keen on?? Shock Whatever next?

And do you mean not doing what you're telling him to do when you say 'even if it's the right thing to do'?

He doesn't want to socialise with these friends, that's completely his choice.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 05/01/2013 00:30

Holy Holly - Good Golly!

HeathRobinson · 05/01/2013 00:30

'while we have guests over'

Well, not really, you said it was a friend of yours etc...

Why do you need your husband?

ClippedPhoenix · 05/01/2013 00:30

The fact that Empross has guests over should still warrant him making an effort for her.

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh · 05/01/2013 00:31

He thinks that because he has a penis, he doesn't need to display decent manners or do anything he doesn't want to do. Being polite and accepting that sometimes you have to do stuff you'd rather not do, for the sake of other people, is women's work in his opinion.

Why not make yourself a list of all the times he's refused to do something purely because he isn't prepared to put himself out for anyone else? Then have a hard think about what his good points are.

Original poster
Empross76 · 05/01/2013 00:31

Thanks Back For Good. Maybe it's the staying in bed and opting out totally that's pissed me off. I think if he was lurking about doing his own thing but said hello and engaged a bit I'd be okay. I'm friends with the wife, so I just think that if she's bringing her husband then it would be nice if my husband were around too. In his own house!
I've made friends with some of DH's friends wives due to social situations. I'd never opt out. Just wouldn't do it.

OP posts:
ClippedPhoenix · 05/01/2013 00:34

I'm with solid on this one, he should make an effort for YOU OP, of course he should.

Original poster
Empross76 · 05/01/2013 00:34

Agent Zigzag - I mean not doing things that I think are common courtesy. Or no-brainers that the kids need, like the examples I gave.

OP posts:
tigerdriverII · 05/01/2013 00:34

Empross. I don't think you should beat him up about this. DH (have known him for 30 years) just doesn't do social things. I do. I do them, he doesn't that's fine. Each to their own

ClippedPhoenix · 05/01/2013 00:35

He's rude and selfish OP.

LuluMai · 05/01/2013 00:35

Holly why is getting up late idleness? I could say the same thing about going to bed early! Fed up of morning people assuming they have more moral fortitude than people who are night owls.

Original poster
Empross76 · 05/01/2013 00:35

SolidGold & Clipped Phoenix - I'm with you, too!

OP posts:
PepsiCoco · 05/01/2013 00:36

YANBU

NamingOfParts · 05/01/2013 00:38

You host them (you invited them). You give them refreshment according to age and time of day. They will stay for a while and then they will leave. If your DH wakes he will come down and say hello.

Have I missed something?

TalkativeJim · 05/01/2013 00:39

Maybe opt out next time, OP.

And let him feel embarrassed and fuming...

Original poster
Empross76 · 05/01/2013 00:39

Thanks Tiger Driver. I guess I feel like SolidGold said - wish there was a bit of effort for things involving me or be kids. Thing is, when he doesn't try to wheedle out of things and gets involved, he's brilliant! Life & soul! He's just an awkward bugger to get into the situation in the first place.
Thanks for all the posts - am new to Mumsnet and haven't posted much, have found it really good to get different view and expertise. So thanks all for your time.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 05/01/2013 00:41

I don't have a penis, but I would hide out if DH brought friends round and I didn't want to mill about while they were there.

Not being rude, just choosing what I want to do as an adult.

I've been a lot happier since I realised that I don't have to do everything other people expect of me.

They can fucking expect away, I make my own choices.

tigerdriverII · 05/01/2013 00:41

Aaaaargh. Solidgold. This is the first time I've ever disagreed with you. However, it's not the worst it could be, but it's our first big disagreement.......

ClippedPhoenix · 05/01/2013 00:41

It's not like the OP is asking him to do this regularly, she's asking him to show a united front, a bit of togetherness?

I'd be hurt and embarrassed by his behaviour.