to be really upset by what this 'friend' just said?

[emeraldgirl1]

I am 7m pregnant.

This friend has just asked where we are planning to 'put the baby' when she is born, the point being that we only live in a very small 2 bedroom flat and one bedroom is currently my office ( I work from home). I of course said that the baby would be sleeping in our room with us at first. She said, "sure, but eventually are you seriously telling me you aren't making a nice nursery for all her stuff with pink teddies on the walls etc etc?..."

2 points:

1. this friend is loaded beyond belief (not a problem for me, btw, I have never had the slightest problem with her having tonnes of money and a huge home because it's just pure luck and I think there is more to life than money BUT we are NOT loaded beyond belief, my friend knows this and knows we are going to struggle to move somewhere bigger with the baby when we eventually have to.

2. is this not just an incredibly insensitive thing to say to a pregnant woman who quite obviously HASN'T turned her (still much-needed) home office into a gorgeous nursery for her brand new baby?

I would love nothing more than to have been able to make a gorgeous nursery for my very first baby and have been feeling very guilty already that we are unable to provide this BUT I had reconciled myself to the fact that newborns don't need any trappings except mum and dad and milk and love.

Now after this conversation with my friend I am sitting here stupidly crying and feeling an inadequate parent again because I am not able to bring my baby home from the hospital to something from an interiors magazine.

I didn't know what to say to my friend on the phone so I ended the call as soon as possible.

The irony is that she may have provided a gorgeous nursery for her own children but she has spent the past 4 years dragged through a hideous divorce (not saying divorce is necc at all bad for a child btw, but the way my friend and her ex have done it, it's bloody awful for everyone in the vicinity!) and I have NEVER once suggested to her that she is anything other than a great mum who is doing her best.

Congratulations, Emerald. Your 'friend' is a pain in the ass, and nurseries, as several other people have said, are for the parents, not the baby. Who will not give a tuppeny shite where he or she sleeps or keeps his or her clothes.

Our baby is nine months, and we have just moved from a tiny 2-bed London flat to a huge (rented) 4-bed house in the country. He sleeps in a co-sleeper cot alongside our bed in both places. I keep a changing mat on top of a chest of drawers full of his clothes in another bedroom next door, but other than some teddies on the window sill, it's not decorated at all.

atacareercrossroads you have to tell me what was so sad about the pigeon!

OP YABU but you're pregnant so you probably can't help it. People asked me that question all the time when I was expecting.

YANBU - We have had this from all our family and friends with DD2, the mere idea that she would be in with us for more then six months whilst we sorted out the home office and then what, two DDs eventually sharing, what are we thinking!!!

Sod 'em, I say. Congratulations and enjoy your pregnancy.

I think you are projecting.
Your feelings about your friend, her money and her situation are possibly getting mixed up with your frustration that you don't have more rooms at home and the fact that you are not giving up your office for the baby.

You sound as if you don't feel entirely comfortable with your decision.
Is it possible that you are angry with her because her comment has made you think about your plans in a different way?

You are being a bit over sensitive, but ignore her. Babies don't need nurseries, parents have them for themselves, as if a baby cares about being in its own beautifully decorated room! In fact, given the choice, your baby will want to be as close to you as possible.

DD is 18 months and won't ever have a nursery. She will have her own room at some point, but not yet and it's not through lack of space.

You've got plenty of time to feel like an inadequate parent once the baby is born, form now, feel safe in the knowledge that you are right, the baby needs lots of love and milk, and that's pretty much it!

she is projecting her crap on to you

you are about to have a baby and you have your partner there, you both being there for your child means far more than any pretty fluffy rooms

ignore her it is easier for her to look at others and pick holes than her own life which is far from perfect hopefully she wil stop being like this soon