to be really upset by what this 'friend' just said?

[emeraldgirl1]

I am 7m pregnant.

This friend has just asked where we are planning to 'put the baby' when she is born, the point being that we only live in a very small 2 bedroom flat and one bedroom is currently my office ( I work from home). I of course said that the baby would be sleeping in our room with us at first. She said, "sure, but eventually are you seriously telling me you aren't making a nice nursery for all her stuff with pink teddies on the walls etc etc?..."

2 points:

1. this friend is loaded beyond belief (not a problem for me, btw, I have never had the slightest problem with her having tonnes of money and a huge home because it's just pure luck and I think there is more to life than money BUT we are NOT loaded beyond belief, my friend knows this and knows we are going to struggle to move somewhere bigger with the baby when we eventually have to.

2. is this not just an incredibly insensitive thing to say to a pregnant woman who quite obviously HASN'T turned her (still much-needed) home office into a gorgeous nursery for her brand new baby?

I would love nothing more than to have been able to make a gorgeous nursery for my very first baby and have been feeling very guilty already that we are unable to provide this BUT I had reconciled myself to the fact that newborns don't need any trappings except mum and dad and milk and love.

Now after this conversation with my friend I am sitting here stupidly crying and feeling an inadequate parent again because I am not able to bring my baby home from the hospital to something from an interiors magazine.

I didn't know what to say to my friend on the phone so I ended the call as soon as possible.

The irony is that she may have provided a gorgeous nursery for her own children but she has spent the past 4 years dragged through a hideous divorce (not saying divorce is necc at all bad for a child btw, but the way my friend and her ex have done it, it's bloody awful for everyone in the vicinity!) and I have NEVER once suggested to her that she is anything other than a great mum who is doing her best.

*BOX OF BABY GROWS AND VESTS

Also my older ones share bbecause they want to

EMERALD there is no rush - my baby will be in with me til he is at least 1. That's my choice - I have the space but I like them close.

Pumpkin - eventually maybe, but right now, where exactly is Emerald going to magically get A Nursery from? Or should she just turn her (much needed) office into a (not needed) nursery 'just because'. It's madness.

Yes, and isn't that precisely what OP says friend asked in her post, ie "eventually are you seriously telling me..."? Friend didn't suggest she move to a larger property on the spot.

I think it depends on the tone. I'm currently 6 months pregnant and have been asked by several people where we're going to put him when he arrives. Mainly because our second bedroom is remote from the main part of the house, ideal for a teenager, nightmare for a baby. But in my case, I know they're just being friendly and interested in our plans.

OP next time she sticks her neb in and asks "where are you going to put him?" have a quick look around, tilt your head as if working out measurements and then decidedly reply "cupboard under the stairs"

My 1st DD didn't have her own room until she was three - she helped decide on the colours and even did some of the painting herself. Until then she was just in with me.

OP next time she sticks her neb in and asks

Are you Scottish?

no, in NI. is it a scottish term aswell?

I'd just take the easiest option and bin the 'friend'. Life's too short to take people who make you feel like shit and call them Friend.

no, in NI. is it a scottish term aswell?

Dunno, just never heard any non Scots use it before.

Your baby will not give two fucks about where they sleep. Other than it will prefer to be close to you.

I have 2 children and wasn't able to have a beautifully decorated nursery for either of them. They survived despite this and now share a room that thanks to removable wall stickers (because we rent) they have their area decorated to suit them (boy robots, girl butterflies).

This is my life and I'm okay with it, but it doesn't mean it didn't hurt a little when all my antenatal group friends were talking about their beautiful newly decorated nurseriesand I was only just getting my 3 year old's wall sorted.

Some people forget that life is different for others.

It sounds like a normal question to me. I'd ask a friend this type of question if I was wondering, and the friend would say back, welllll I thought in with us for a while, and then we'll see, maybe we'll move, maybe the offce? not sure really, any suggestions!?

it is MADNESS to get the ache over a straightforward question from a friend!!

Sorry just laughed aloud at PiccadillyCervix's pithy remark, (agree btw),
Your baby will not give two fucks about where they sleep.
What a refreshing chapter heading that would be in a Advice About Preparing For Your Newborn book.

I agree with panda. I think the tone would indicate if it was a put down.

It's the sort of question I might have asked just for general chit chat. I probably would have expected you to say we'll be moving the office stuff through to our bedroom or sitting room to make way for the nursery.

I've had four children an none of them ever had a nursery

DD1 had a lovely swinging crib with matching everything but we ended up cosleeping, we were in a 2 bed flat at the time and were about to sell it so didn't make one room a nursery, she got her own room at 15 months

DD2 was in with us for a year then w decorated the box room

DD3 was also in with us for a year then got put in the boxroom and DD1 & 2 shared

DS is 2.7yo and is still in a cot in our room.

Think it's all a ploy to get gullible parents to deck out a nursery in matching baby stuff, especially if you don't know the sex, boring beige being the worst, by the time they are 2 it looks too babyish and you change it to Peppa Pig or Thmad the Tank engine anyway.

MulberryBush, I agree!! If it had been a simple question from a friend showing interest in our plans.
This wasn't. When I laughed a bit and said, 'oh, no, she's going to have to share my office with me!' (I always deflect this fridnd's snidely remarks with a joke) her reply was 'oh for gods sake, emeraldgirl, you're absolutely hopeless.''

Oh! And I have only just remembered. She also added, 'maybe I'd better temporarily adopt her and have her come and live with me!'

Didn't remember that til now! I knew she'd said something else!!

Your friend sounds like a frenemy. Only you know if the friendship gives you what you want from it.

But please, if you're considering GF, read this first.
www.amazon.co.uk/What-Every-Parent-Needs-Know/dp/1405320362
Babies should not be convenient. They don't know they are separate individuals from mum and cannot try to manipulate.

She certainly sounds a little bit insensitive. But I don't think it's anything to be so upset over. Some people have a lot more money than you and others a lot less. That is a fact of life.

Just saw your last post. She's horrible. Don't bother with her.

Unfortunately I think you may have to get used to people passing judgement on your choices and not always favourably. 'Tis what people do when you have a baby.

Fwiw, my newborn doesn't have a nursery and there is no chance of a room of his own any time soon. Do I care? No! Does he care? No! Do other people care? Some do, some don't. Meh!

YABabitU, but understandably so (I cried at old ladies getting make overs on This Morning.)
FWIW, DD is 2.2 and still doesn't have her own room as we can't afford to move yet. She sleeps in my bedroom and I sleep in the living room. You manage with what you have, don't let people make you feel shitty for doing the best you can.

1. Your "friend" -sounds insensitive at best and at worst, well offering to take her away from you, even in jest?! Just awful.

1. The nursery- we have been fortunate enough to have a nursery for DDs. It was entirely for me! Especially DD2 who had a pink dream with 4 poster cot. And at 9 months she still co-sleeps with us and we're selling the cot! Wouldn't have it any other way. Maybe focus getting a lovely bedding set for a cot in your room? Don't sweat the nursery.

Babies need love and cuddles from you and you need more thoughtful and kind friends.

emerald congratulations, what a lovely exciting time for you. Don't worry about what your friend thinks. Everyone has an opinion on how children should be raised. If you don't agree with hers, that's fine, you don't have to agree. Just do your own thing. She was rude but everyone puts their foot in it sometimes, don't judge her on this one thing.

As for the nursery, lots of people just don't bother with one. Our daughter still sleeps in with us at 14 months. We didn't plan it in advance, she's just nice to have around. When she seems ready, we'll decorate her bedroom. Until then, it's a waste of effort.

You'll be fine, just make your own decisions.