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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really upset by this behaviour by "friend" at office party?

89 replies

reddaisy · 04/01/2013 13:37

I got really drunk at the office party and I was sick. In the toilet of the venue. Without my knowledge a male colleague came in and took a photo of me and then showed everyone as I continued to be sick and wait for my DH to arrive to collect me. Another colleague was with me looking after me.

I have only just found out that this photo has done the rounds at work - not via email - and I am so upset. Obviously the incident was embarassing and I have taken the mick taking on the chin as that is to be expected but I think this goes over the line.

AIBU or should I attempt to laugh it off even though I find it outrageous.

OP posts:
Mynewmoniker · 04/01/2013 14:33

I guess there isn't one of us who hasn't done something we regret and feel embarassed about, Reddaisy.

The sad thing is these days our mistakes can be recorded visualy and shared.

The guy is a saddo and I'm sure people are thankful that it's not them he's showing pictures of. People must be losing any respect they had for him by the minute and wont trust him at all soon.

Laugh it off and wait for him to get bored and pick on someone else. Then show him up for the saddo he is by tearing a strip off him when he tries to make a show of someone else.

IDrankAllTheGravy · 04/01/2013 14:33

Hahaha, I think I love you! How funny!

ladymariner · 04/01/2013 14:34

I'd still like you to come to one of our work do's cinnabar they definitely need livening up!!

Oblomov · 04/01/2013 14:37

I have done a couple of corkers in my time Blush
I was a bit tipsy at our lunchtime garden party and was jumping around on the trampoline. In a dress. Going red as I think about it now.

Try to no worry Op. Not your finest hour admittedly. But this guy really is a xxxxxx, isn't he? We are all agreed on this.

Bessie123 · 04/01/2013 14:38

Maybe you could say at work that you think your drink may have been spiked. Then wonder aloud why he was taking such a prurient interest in your being sick. It might teach him a bit of a lesson.

ProphetOfDoom · 04/01/2013 14:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nancy66 · 04/01/2013 14:42

there's no point in pretending her drink was spiked or that she had a stomach bug - nobody will believe her. She was pissed. It was a Christmas do.

LuluMai · 04/01/2013 14:44

God, I've done embarrassing drunken things at many works parties! Worse than being sick! Luckily there is no pictorial evidence! Just laugh along and don't make a big deal of it. Everyone will have forgotten about it in a couple of weeks, if not sooner.

Original poster
reddaisy · 04/01/2013 14:46

Everyone knows it happened because I never drink and I let me hair down once I have had two children in recent years and I have pointed out that I have not had more than half a glass of champagne in one go in four years so they know that is the reason, not because I am an out of control piss head.

Thanks for sharing embarassing stories, it has made me feel better.

OP posts:
Original poster
reddaisy · 04/01/2013 14:46

Sorry for the lack of punctuation there!

OP posts:
complexnumber · 04/01/2013 14:51

I got drunk at a works Xmas do MANY years ago (1979 I think it was). After staggering off the tube, I was arrested for being... well... drunk.

So, the next morning I had to explain to the bosses that the reason I was looking remarkably disheveled was the fact that I had spent the night in the nick, and that I would need some time off to appear in court.

This was granted, I was given a £10 fine.

When I returned to work, they had had a whip round to pay for my fine and also to raise enough money in the hope I could do it again!

If you weren't around in the 70's this probably sounds quite outrageous. Just watch 'Life on Mars' to get an inkling, not that I was a copper.

Original poster
reddaisy · 04/01/2013 14:53

Complex - drunk for being drunk?! The cells would be very full these days. Your colleagues sound nice!

OP posts:
MarmaladeSkies · 04/01/2013 14:53

YANDBU.He is a twunt.And that's putting it politely.

I think that getting drunk is an idiotic thing to do on any occasion,work party or not,but that does not excuse someone doing something so vile. He was not entitled to take photos of someone in such a position just because she was drunk. She shouldn't have to expect it. He chose to take the photo and show it to everyone.She didn't make him do it. He's entirely responsible for his actions,the OP shouldn't share the blame.

BluelightsAndSirens · 04/01/2013 14:57

I can understand you getting drunk so quickly and becoming ill and I can just about understand some office nob who is also drunk thinking it would be hilarious to take a quick pic and flash it around the table but the "joke" should stop there.

Anything after the event is unprofessional and also classed as bullying, you shouldn't have to worry at work that people are looking at pictures of you daily.

You either shrug it off or speak to HR and ask them to investigate and confirm the picture has been deleted - that's what I would do.

complexnumber · 04/01/2013 15:04

"Complex - drunk for being drunk?! The cells would be very full these days. Your colleagues sound nice!" reddaisy

They were good fun. As far as I recall you could be arrested for being 'Drunk', 'Drunk and Disorderly' or 'Drunk and Incapable'.

Your colleague sounds like a knob.

scuzy · 04/01/2013 15:05

he's an idiot! laugh it off. say "isnt that old news at this stage?" or "at least my hair style held, paid good money for that do" ... "wow what was i drinking that the light made if neon yellow" .... dont get management involved ffs you have to work there. lesson learned. if you take action on this by going to management you will make your life hell working there. it will die down. if they see they are getting a rise out of you it will continue.

just laugh it off. die inside of embarrassment but it will pass.

Original poster
reddaisy · 04/01/2013 15:17

I am not planning to go to management and I am not even that embarrassed, I was the next day but I am over that now. I am hurt. Because I considered him to be a friend and it feels humiliating that everyone has been laughing behind my back.

OP posts:
DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 04/01/2013 15:18

What a prince. You know what he's done, he knows you know. He'll be chortling but let it go, laugh it off, grin and bear it. Alcohol may have temporarily affected his judgment too. If the subject ever gets mentioned, and it probably will, smile, shrug and don't show you were mortified. At some point it might occur to him that if you were inclined towards payback of some sort, an opportunity will come. Hopefully it's just a 9 day wonder.

scuzy · 04/01/2013 15:20

humiliated goes hand in hand with getting that drunk unfortunately. but now you know what this guy is like and stay clear of him. what goes around comes around. hold your head high. your not the first nor wont be the last for this to happen to. he is an immature twat. rise above it.

scuzy · 04/01/2013 15:21

or next time you catch him having a laugh about it ior looking at pic say something like "my god i think your getting a little obsessed i dont need a restraining order do i?"

Original poster
reddaisy · 04/01/2013 15:24

Scuzy - I don't think humiliated does go hand in hand with it. Embarrassed - yes, humiliated - no. I took myself off to what I thought was a private place to be sick and that privacy was violated imp and I find his actions humiliating. I clearly will know better for next time.

OP posts:
Corygal · 04/01/2013 15:26

I really sympathise with you OP - a classic case of insult humour, the "bully's defence".

Notwithstanding the fact it was openly offensive thing to do, I would ignore it and avoid him PERMANENTLY. Going to all that effort to humiliate someone doesn't bode well. Nip it in bud by a) ignoring b) avoiding. Don't laugh it off, particularly, barely acknowledge it if it's mentioned.

Rise above...the curse of the work jerk is with us all.

Original poster
reddaisy · 04/01/2013 15:33

Cory - that is the thing, if I get arsey then I will be the one who can't take a joke. I expected and possibly deserved to have the piss ripped out of me in person but this was underhand and mean.

I think I will avoid him as much as is possible and I won't be laughing it off because I really don't think it is funny and it is actually the latest incident (but the first directed at me) that this particular department has been responsible for.

OP posts:
scuzy · 04/01/2013 15:37

well you have been given good advice by many on here ... so even though its not fair or pc or whatever, fact is make sure whatever road you take you can hack the aftermath be it reporting him, ignoring him, laughing it off.

scuzy · 04/01/2013 15:38

ok then its decided ... your ignoring him. you are only making yourself worse mulling over it, you can be sure he bloody well isnt it. put it to bed.