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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really upset by this behaviour by "friend" at office party?

89 replies

reddaisy · 04/01/2013 13:37

I got really drunk at the office party and I was sick. In the toilet of the venue. Without my knowledge a male colleague came in and took a photo of me and then showed everyone as I continued to be sick and wait for my DH to arrive to collect me. Another colleague was with me looking after me.

I have only just found out that this photo has done the rounds at work - not via email - and I am so upset. Obviously the incident was embarassing and I have taken the mick taking on the chin as that is to be expected but I think this goes over the line.

AIBU or should I attempt to laugh it off even though I find it outrageous.

OP posts:
sue52 · 04/01/2013 13:56

Have you spoken to the culprit? He must be made aware of how offensive this is and apologise to you.

Fairylea · 04/01/2013 13:57

I'd actually lie and say you'd had a tummy bug a few days before and mixed with thedrink it set you off again.... people will feel bad for laughing and might be more sympathetic. Then I'd just say oh silly me, that was awful and carry on.

But yes your colleague is a knob.

gimmecakeandcandy · 04/01/2013 13:58

Agree with fakebook - office parties are not the place to get drunk. I'm surprised at how unprofessional people become at office do's!

Original poster
reddaisy · 04/01/2013 13:58

The door was open and he just walked in and did it. The door was not closed. It was a very rowdy evening and people were in and out (as I recall). I obviously remember people coming in and out but had no knowledge that a photo was taken until today. My DH came to collect me as soon as he could and I left.

OP posts:
Original poster
reddaisy · 04/01/2013 14:01

Believe me it is the last thing I wanted to do at the office party and was extremely out of character. As I have said, I never normally drink these days so it just completely took me by surprise. I felt drunk, felt sick, went to the toilet was sick. Rang husband to come and collect me and was sick again and someone took a photo and showed it to everyone. My behaviour was foolish definitely and I will not repeat it but his behaviour was infantile and mean imo.

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 04/01/2013 14:05

But maybe he was drunk too, hence why it seemed like a funny thing to do? So he's just another drunken fool at a rowdy party, same as you. Sorry.

Original poster
reddaisy · 04/01/2013 14:06

By that argument Pink, it would be a drunken thing to do in the moment but to continue showing it around the office this week which is when I heard about it's existence cannot be excused in the same way.

OP posts:
Megatron · 04/01/2013 14:08

I think the OP probably realises that getting hammered at the office do wasn't her finest hour but she's not the first nor will she be the last. OP I don't think you have any other choice than to laugh it off even though he behaved like a total prick. And if it's any consolation I've done some pretty mortifying (and TERRIBLY unprofessional) things at various events in my younger days and survived. I just have to stick my fingers in my ears and hum to myself to avoid thinking about it. Smile Don't be hard on yourself, the man is a twat.

Proudnscaryvirginmary · 04/01/2013 14:10

Gutted for you (no pun intended).

But I think so many people nowadays snap everything and anything on their phones and show pics/upload them to FB or YouTube, that they just don't see anything wrong with it.

It's mean and juvenile but it's probably been done thoughtlessly and without malice or consequence.

That said I'd go and speak to him RIGHT NOW and tell him you are mortified and make him delete it/take it down from any sites etc.

Proudnscaryvirginmary · 04/01/2013 14:11

without malice or thought of consquence, I meant

Original poster
reddaisy · 04/01/2013 14:12

It isn't on any sites to my knowledge so that is something. He isn't in the office today thank goodness.

OP posts:
MiniEggsinJanuary · 04/01/2013 14:16

How horrible. Maybe a little innocent comment that that sort of thing could be construed as bullying in the workplace might make him think twice about pulling this kind of stunt or crossing you in the future!

Booyhoo · 04/01/2013 14:19

i wonder why he was going into the ladies' in teh first place. my guess is one of your female colleagues saw you being sick and went out and told people/him. otherwise it sounds like he was just wandering into the ladies toilets for, what? to perve? Confused

IDrankAllTheGravy · 04/01/2013 14:19

Sorry but it's par for the course by getting so drunk at an office party.

He's a dick for still showing it to everyone now though. I'd just laugh it off and wait for everyone to forget about it.

Original poster
reddaisy · 04/01/2013 14:20

Boo - people (women) definitely told people I was being sick.

OP posts:
CinnabarRed · 04/01/2013 14:21

If it's any consolation, I initiated and participated in an orgy when wildly drunk at a work do once.

Luckily for me, it was more than 10 years ago and no-one took any photos.

It's still talked about to this day, though.

IDrankAllTheGravy · 04/01/2013 14:23

Xmas Shock CinnabarRed

CinnabarRed · 04/01/2013 14:24

I know, I know. Not something I'm at all proud about.

Just wanted to let the OP know that it could have been so much worse...

IDrankAllTheGravy · 04/01/2013 14:28

Hey, I'm not judging! What happened after? Oh god,I'd have to leave work and never go back!

Well there you go OP, things could be sooo much worse Grin

Fairylea · 04/01/2013 14:28

Well while we are sharing .. to make op feel better I got hideously drunk at the Christmas office party 6 years ago dressed as a cow girl (mini skirt, hat and cowboy boots etc, it was fancy dress obviously) and I fell over onto my knees outside the train station whilst waving goodbye to my colleagues at the end of the night, including the 3 directors. And then.... I puked.

No photos. Thankfully. But there could have been.

And I still managed a promotion to 35k manager job a year later.

Don't panic.

Original poster
reddaisy · 04/01/2013 14:30

If only something like that had happened after I had left then it would have really taken the heat off me. Are you free to come to our next one CinnabarRed?

OP posts:
CinnabarRed · 04/01/2013 14:31

Immediately afterwards, I got a bollocking.

8 years later, I was made head of the department. I am now staid, serious and deeply professional in all my interactions with work personnel.

But, even so, it's still talked about.

BiteTheTopsOffIcedGems · 04/01/2013 14:31

I have most certainly learnt my lesson and I am practically tee-total the rest of the time and just had a couple too many before the food arrived and after two years of no drinking it hit me big time. I thought I could expect an element of privacy in the women's toilets though

I would be the same after having 2 babies close together and therefore no alcohol social life I would be on the floor after a glass of wine I think.

I would complain about him, I am sure people that work with you realise you are not an 18-30 Ibiza style binge drinker :)

CinnabarRed · 04/01/2013 14:31

I wouldn't be half as much trouble now, OP!

ladymariner · 04/01/2013 14:32

It's a mean thing to do. But you shouldn't have got so drunk

So because op had too much to drink she should just expect this and put up with it.....what bullshit. She was in the toilets and should have expected to be left alone, not for some thoughtless twat to go in, take photos of her and then show them around.

God, it must be lovely to be so perfect.....Hmm

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