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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect him to do it one fucking night??

60 replies

Shockedandhurt · 04/01/2013 06:54

I am split from my partner with an 8 week old baby. We split when i was 7 months pregnant after plenty feckless behaviour from him whilst i was having quite a difficult pregnancy.
I have allowed him on several occasions to stay with me in the living room looking after the baby. He has no suitable living arrangements of his own.
Each time i have had to go to living room because he has slept through baby screaming or he has asked me to fo it whilst he retires back to bed.
Last night completely washed out with tiredness i looked forward to his help.
Firstly he invited people to my home whilst i was out. Making myself scarce to allow him bonding time with baby. I was a bit put out he hadnt ran this by me as a common courtesy. It wouldnt have been a problem. Then i taught him how to sterilise bottles for 3rd time and watched while he did it himself. I noticed just in time a massive blob of unlathered washing up liquid in one of the bottles. Obviously could have made baby very ill. Then i awake to baby plonked beside my bed in moses basket with no cover. Again he is snoring away on couch having done his duty. AIBU to be absolutely fucking raging????!

OP posts:
Selks · 04/01/2013 06:56

He's clearly not capable or willing to take proper care of the baby, therefore baby should not be left in his care. In a nutshell.

rubyslippers · 04/01/2013 06:57

What Selks said

Arthurfowlersallotment · 04/01/2013 06:57

If he's more of a hindrance than help then don't let him stay over night.

lightrain · 04/01/2013 06:59

Yanbu. I'd rethink him staying over and also looking after the baby. He may be the baby's dad but he clearly doesn't care that much.

Giddygrandma · 04/01/2013 06:59

Get rid. He's hindering not helping. Good luck.

Original poster
Shockedandhurt · 04/01/2013 07:02

I am stopping the overnight arrangement. I cannot trust him with my precious baby. He thinks i am a moany bitch. I really hate him right now Blush

OP posts:
FutTheShuckUp · 04/01/2013 07:04

Fuck him out your house, hes had chances to prove hes willing and whats he done with them?

Original poster
Shockedandhurt · 04/01/2013 07:09

I am trying to keep things civil but he`s taking the piss out of me. The kitchen is currently littered with tskeaway boxes and dishes with congealed curry he hasnt cleared away. I say to him calmly about these things asking him to treat my house and me with some respect but apparently i am creating problems where there are none (with a patronising sigh and roll of the eyes).

OP posts:
SirDoris · 04/01/2013 07:13

Have you got anyone else to help out and give you a break OP?

Original poster
Shockedandhurt · 04/01/2013 07:15

Yes my parents and brother and sister in law have been great. Just thought i could rely on the babys dad for one night :(
He is off on holiday from work as well.

OP posts:
swallowedAfly · 04/01/2013 07:16

out of your house - you don't need this stress. any help it affords is outweighed by stress and upset which is exhausting.

get him out of the way so that you and baby can settle in to what works for you without the spanner in the works.

any family around?

i was a single mum from the start too - i promise you it gets lots easier.

Rosa · 04/01/2013 07:19

He invited people into your home without your permission , ate a takeaway, left a mess, is incapable of looking after your baby correctly despite being shown. Oh and you split at 7 mths pg. You have written all the answers yourself. Sounds as if you are looking for support and he is not willing to provide it..

Fairylea · 04/01/2013 07:56

You say he doesn't have good living arrangements. It sounds like he isn't interested in the baby, just having somewhere to stay and use to see his friends.

Say no to contact as.you can't trust him and make him prove his interest by going to a solicitor (which I doubt he'll do).

Sirzy · 04/01/2013 08:01

I agree with everyone else. Keep him out the house, if he wants to see the baby then arrange to meet in a cafe or something for an hour. He is still treating the house as his own and you need to stop that

Original poster
Shockedandhurt · 04/01/2013 09:08

i have been trying to be amicable for the babys sake but him.being the dad doesnt override everything surely?

OP posts:
Worley · 04/01/2013 09:16

being a dad over rides everything ? er no... if he can't do the job adequately / safely. he's using you for a free ride. does he pay towards the keep or your dc?

Rosa · 04/01/2013 09:16

Yes he is the Dad and it sounds as if you have been trying to get him involved, and bing amicable ..but from what you post he is not interested in trying.

quickdowntonson · 04/01/2013 09:16

I agree with Sirzy. It is your baby's right to have contact with his/her father, not the other way round. I'm a family solicitor, and simply denying all contact would be unreasonable and denying your baby a relationship with his/her father.
Having said that, clearly the father is not to be trusted having sole care, at least until baby is older. Could he have contact at, say his parents home with supervision? Otherwise, meeting in a cafe may be a good idea, as suggested above. The law very much enshrines the child's rights, not the parents' rights, when it comes to contact.
Good luck x

WhereYouLeftIt · 04/01/2013 09:19

He is not coming to see the baby, he is coming to use your flat. He has no interest in his child. Please don't inflict him on the baby.

swallowedAfly · 04/01/2013 09:23

quickdowntonson - what does the law say about a child's right to see a parent who refuses to see them? i'm presuming nothing.

phantomnamechanger · 04/01/2013 09:26

Be brave and face the facts. Whatever you mighht have felt for each other or hoped would happen when the baby arrived, this is not going to turn into happy families overnight.

You gave him the chance, he should have pulled out all the stops to show you he was worthy of being your baby's dad.
he has shown his true colours and the sooner you get rid the better.
he is an immature selfish pig. he will continue taking you for a ride like this as long as you dont stand up to him and say enough is enough.
You really don't need this idiot in your life.
You deserve better.

SantasENormaSnob · 04/01/2013 09:27

He is pathetic.

NeedlesCuties · 04/01/2013 09:31

I was Shock at the bit in OP about the blob of washing up liquid in the bottle.

You are better off without him.

Original poster
Shockedandhurt · 04/01/2013 09:32

I think he loves him but he is just lazy and immature and severely underestimates the realities of having a baby extend further than showing your mates cute pics and videos down the pub. Im tired of it and what he has put me through yet he refuses to acknowledge hes in the wrong :(

OP posts:
DoubleYew · 04/01/2013 09:37

Keeping things amicable doesn't mean being a doormat. It can't all be one sided. Its not just the crap baby care, its the attitude - do you want your baby to grow up thinking that is a normal way to speak to someone?

Don't rely on him for a break. Set up regular contact out of your home and have a back up plan if he doesn't turn up.