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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave dd2 in the car outside tesco whilst i run in to buy 2 things?

136 replies

Marne · 03/01/2013 20:29

Dd2 is almost 7 and has ASD, she had been asking for a magazine all morning, its her favorite magazine and she knows what day it comes out (which was today), usually i go and buy it when she's at school or i go whilst she's at home with dh as she's not keen on supermarkets (bright lights and too busy) but dh had gone out and told me just to take her to get it.

I took both the dd's with me, dd1 is almost 8, got to Tesco's and dd2 refused to get out of the car so i parked in the p&c space right outside the front door, locked them in the car, ran in, grabbed a loaf of bread and the magazine, payed and came straight out. Dd's were fine.

Dh thinks i was wrong to leave them on their own in the car, maybe i was? but if i had tried to take dd2 out of the car she would have had a meltdown and if i turned around and went back home she would scream for the rest of the day (as she wouldn't have got her magazine).

So is dh BU or AIBU?

OP posts:

Dromedary · 03/01/2013 21:02

There's an assumption that if your child is with you he/she will be safe. What about the children walking along the pavement with their parent who are killed when the reckless driver goes onto the pavement? Or other possible scenarios - eg child wanders off while you're getting your purse out and is lost or snatched? The car may be the safer option.

ChaosTrulyReigns · 03/01/2013 21:11

I think there is a risk, but it is a manageable one.

There's a risk every time you do anything especially getting teh car out. But you really have to make intelligent choices regarfing minimising risk.

PimpMyHippo · 03/01/2013 21:26

I don't see a problem - I remember my parents leaving me and my sister in the car when we were younger than this. We used to amuse ourselves by climbing into the driver's seat and pretending to drive. :) By the time I was 8 or 9, I'd stay in the car with a book for over an hour while mum did the weekly supermarket shop.

WRT to the catching fire thing - surely you're at much more risk of fiery death when the engine is on? If you're comfortable with your children in the car hurtling down the motorway at 70mph, I don't see why you'd be worried about spontaneous combustion in a car park.

mariefrance1 · 03/01/2013 21:36

I left my daughter in the car for seconds when she refused to get out of the car. When I turned around she was in the driving seat having let the handbrake off. The car was on the slightest incline ever but still seemed to be careering down the wrong side of the road at an amazing speed. A supermarket car park is unlikely to be on a slope but I still wouldn't do it.

lovelyladuree · 03/01/2013 21:44

Your car could have caught fire. The car parked next to yours could have caught fire. A driver may have lost control of their car and crashed into yours. Your DD could have choked on something. Not worth the risks.

Dromedary · 03/01/2013 21:45

Chaos - I agree, driving at all is probably the riskiest thing most people do. Doesn't stop them driving their children around everywhere.

For those who wouldn't leave their children in the car while they go to the supermarket, at what age will they do so? I leave mine in the car for half an hour or so while I do the supermarket shop if that's what they want - have done so since they were 7 and 10. It's a fairly small place - I would probably take the younger one with me if it was a huge car park. I'm assuming no SNs.

cinnamonnut · 03/01/2013 21:47

lovelyladuree for every unlikely scenario you can think of there is another one that could happen if she went into a supermarket. Don't be ridiculous.

Goldmandra · 03/01/2013 21:49

I don't think I could leave my children in a car until they were a bit older and I knew they would be able to handle someone trying to open the car door or getting out if it caught fire. However I know others are more laid back about it.

I have two daughters with AS so I know how hard it is when you are stuck in a situation like this. I also know that at some point my DD would have to learn to handle entering a supermarket. I would have considered very carefully whether this situation was an opportunity and whether I should tell my DD that if she wanted her magazine she would have to come into the shop. It was for a very brief visit and, if she'd had to leave part way through there would be no trolley of food to desert.

Maybe this wouldn't have been possible, perhaps due to her level of understanding. Only you know that, but it's just a thought

wonderstuff · 03/01/2013 21:52

I would have done the same. You take a risk every time you leave the house, every time you get in the car. I think really the risk of driving to Tescos is far greater than the risk of the car catching fire while parked outside. I'm betting you were in the shop less than 10 mins.

You can't control every teeny tiny risk. You weren't in anyway being reckless. YANBU at all imo.

5madthings · 03/01/2013 21:53

Yanbu I think you made a judgment call and you know your children.

I will leave older ones in the car whilst we go into a shop, they sit and read.

Original poster

Marne · 03/01/2013 21:57

I think my dd2 was at more risk of hurting herself if i took her with me as she was likely to chuck herself on the floor and have a meltdown.

I'm sure if the car did catch fire then someone would have got them out (they were right outside the front door of the supermarket with people walking past) and there wasnt much chance of her chocking , she cant let the handbreak off as she's not strong enough (she has low muscle tone and hypermobility), she was still sat in her car seat when i returned playing with her toys, dd1 was sat in the front on her i-pad and talking to dd2. I was gone for 5 minutes max.

OP posts:

cinnamonnut · 03/01/2013 21:57

I don't think you need to justify it Marne - it's fine

Original poster

Marne · 03/01/2013 22:01

Thank you

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 03/01/2013 22:02

It's a car park - there is also (an outside) chance that your car could be hit by another car.

I woldn't have done it.

What did you think to Goldmandra's idea?

cafebistro · 03/01/2013 22:07

YABU. Completely wrong. However small the perceived risk - there is still a risk.

5madthings · 03/01/2013 22:09

Marne as I said you know your children best, ywnbu and certainly don't have to justify yourself on here :)

Damash12 · 03/01/2013 22:11

At the ages of 7 & 8 I don't see that being wrong. Now 4 and 5 would be a different story.

littlewhitebag · 03/01/2013 22:11

Oh ffs she was gone minutes . You guys have over active imaginations. I did it all the time when my kids were little. Get off your high horses and get a life.

CoolaYuleA · 03/01/2013 22:12

I wouldn't have done it at that age, but everyone is different. You made a choice based on knowing your kids - for you it was the right choice at that point in time, that's all you need to know.

Your DH would have chosen differently, so when he takes DD to the supermarket for her magazine he can cope with the meltdown.

QOD · 03/01/2013 22:13

I think it's fine, wouldn't have been if you'd left the keys!

My friends very street smart 11 yr old started the engine and tried to drive their car ..... Luckily she didnt realise that in automatics you have to put your foot on the brake pedal to put it in drive ....

cafebistro · 03/01/2013 22:17

Well I'm probably paranoid but I would never put my children at risk if I could avoid it. And you could avoid it in this instance by just taking them with you.
I've seen it a few times while waiting for my DP in a supermarket carpark , young children in cars unaccompanied. It only takes one weirdo. Or one idiot driving dangerously. Personally if I have my children with me all of the time then I know that I'm doing everything I can to protect them.

MissingInAct · 03/01/2013 22:17

YANBU
They are 7&8yo. They can wait patiently in a car for the few minutes it took you.

However your DH was BU to leave you in that situation, knowing your dd2 was likely to have a meltdown in the supermarket, had she accepted to go out. He also knew that not having the magazine was NOT an option for you (and your dd2).

Another option would have een to send your dd1 to buy the magazine. Do you think she would have een able to handle it?

Oh and YABU to post this on AIBU because I think your circumstances are very special and wouod have een better in the SN section.

Alisvolatpropiis · 03/01/2013 22:18

I don't think ywbu.

Boomerwang · 03/01/2013 22:19

I think it was fine. I've left my baby sleeping in the car whilst shopping with my boyfriend. It was only 5 minutes and I didn't want to wake her up.

StaceymReadyForNumber3 · 03/01/2013 22:21

YANBU you made an informed decision at the time.

I've never taken the kids into the shop to pay at a petrol station either

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