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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to use an old ring as my engagement ring?

46 replies

ColourfulSmilies · 03/01/2013 19:25

Hi all, I've posted here because it gets more traffic but feel free to move it :)

My DP and I have been together for 14 years, have lived together for 5 years and have no children. My DP has always been more keen to get married than I have but he has finally convined me and we got engaged at new year. We have been together since we were 16 and during our first year together my DP saved up from his weekend job to buy me a diamond ring, it's not flashy but means a lot to me and is in a vintage style which I love.

We have now started talking about choosing an engagment ring but money is tight and I'm not very materialistic however last night I have a brain wave - can't I just move my current ring onto my ring finger?! I like this idea because to me it means using a piece of jewellery that means a lot to me and in a way symbolises how our relationship has evolved.

Problem is DP hates the idea and thinks it makes him look tight and other people I've spoken to about it have pulled this face -->

So really I'm asking, is it such a chessy/bad/tight idea or can other people see my way of thinking?!

OP posts:

Damash12 · 03/01/2013 20:10

I think it's a lovely idea. Why not save the money still for extra special wedding rings. Maybe have one made so it matches the style of your engagement ring. That way both rings mean something.ps congratulations!

spiffysquiffyspiggy · 03/01/2013 20:24

I don't have an engagement ring but my wedding ring is a random one that I had anyway. It was picked the night before the wedding from my collection when we realised that we'd picked one for dh but forgotten one for me hastily arranged wedding. I love it, not because it was one dh had spent a fortune on but because every time I look at it I am reminded of our wedding day and him putting it on my finger.

Use the one that has existing memories, you won't regret it.

wigglesrock · 03/01/2013 21:08

I don't see why not. I haven't worn my engagement ring since I got married - 14 years ago (it wasn't expensive). I'm not really into rings with stones. I still wear the locket he got me when I was 18 - that really is our engagement ring .

ConstantCraving · 03/01/2013 21:34

Hate the idea of engagement rings - even the term engaged has as all sorts of negative associations, reminds me of loos being 'engaged' - not free for anyone else to use / off the market etc. A bit archaic really.

marriedinwhite · 03/01/2013 21:42

I think it's a lovely idea. My engagement ring is quite modest and DH has often said he wants to upgrade it but I simply couldn't and wouldn't. It is too sentimental a thing to change.

nokidshere · 03/01/2013 21:42

We didn't get engaged really - we just decided to get married and did so 6 weeks later. DH's mum was quite upset as she had been saving her grandmothers beautiful sapphire and diamond ring for her only child's engagement. She gave it to me and I have worn it every day since the day we got married and it means as much to me now as any other ring would have done.

MushroomSoup · 03/01/2013 21:53

What a lovely idea!

MushroomSoup · 03/01/2013 21:55

nokidshere that's lovely.

I love this thread!

IAmNotAMindReader · 03/01/2013 22:05

That's a really nice idea. you could then spend the money on getting wedding rings designed to fit with the engagement one.

HollyBerryBush · 03/01/2013 22:08

Lovely idea ... jsut make sure you get a nice eternity ring after your first baby

Sallyingforth · 03/01/2013 22:53

In your place that ring would mean so much to me that it would just automatically become my engagement ring. A new ring just wouldn't feel the same.

sashh · 04/01/2013 01:23

Lovely idea.

You cold have something done to it if you wated, add a stone or two or have it engraved.

BookieMonster · 04/01/2013 01:39

Why don't you take your ring to a jeweller and have them remodel it? You could have some different stones added perhaps, anything you like. That way it would be a lovely joining of old and new promises.

MalibuStac · 04/01/2013 01:41

Love this idea as it symbolises how much you meant to him all those years ago and the fact that you've had it all this time has great sentiment to you. Stuff everyone else, maybe get your wedding ring made to suit its design.

Congrats on your engagement.

Tarenath · 04/01/2013 02:53

It's a lovely idea. My engagement ring was a family heirloom and to be honest I wouldn't have minded if there had been no ring. Having a ring on my finger didn't make a difference to the relationship. We were committed before we got engaged. All the engagement was really was us deciding that we wanted to get the legally binding piece of paper called a marriage certificate. Sorry, that takes some of the romanticism out of it but that's what it was for us!

ChristmasSpiritEndorphins · 04/01/2013 05:32

Congratulations and best wishes! Personally, I love the idea. It is very romantic and has so much behind it, years of true love, from when you two were sweet young things looking forward to...well, to now! Some marriages don't make it as long as you two have been together. How many people can have a ring their dh gave them when they were only 16 years old? Perhaps he can get you an anniversary ring for you1st anniversary, or even 2nd, when you won't have wedding bills to pay?

firemansamisnormansdad · 04/01/2013 07:43

Lovely idea - it was a ring he bought you and has meaning for you. Tell DP he can buy you a duamond encrusted wedding ring! When my EX DH and I got married he wouldn't buy me a ring and my wedding band was his dead grandmother's. It wasn't a family heirloom, it was just lying around. I always felt cheated and that he had never bought into the marriage (literally) so when he DID start cheating: end of. But your DP HAS bought you a ring. You know in your heart it's the right thing to do x

Sokmonsta · 04/01/2013 07:56

You could get it professionally cleaned. I had mine done for our wedding as it looked tarnished next to my wedding ring. Cost me £25.

I agree with using it as it means so much to you both. I won't change my wedding band as its the one dh put on my finger. We literally walked into a shop the afternoon before our wedding and picked rings which fitted. Mine is dented after nearly 2 years, and its not the one dh would have chosen. But it means the world to me, as does his to him.

ZillionChocolate · 04/01/2013 08:16

I think getting it professionally cleaned is a good idea. I have a white gold and diamond engagement ring and get it cleaned and re-coated every couple of years - it makes it really sparkly and like new. It was cheap to have it done in the jewellery quarter in Birmingham.

springlamb · 04/01/2013 08:30

You could always have something soppy, or even just you and DP's initials, engraved inside the existing ring to kind of 'relaunch' it. Put it into the jewellers for a professional clean and tidy up, then put it back on in a couple of weeks. Or maybe have a matching wedding/engagement ring set and change them on your wedding day.
I had a tiny skinny 'diamond and sapphire' hoop originally. I think it was about £40 from Argos in the mid-80s. Since then I also have a 1 carat eternity ring and a 'replacement' 0.75 carat engagement ring.
But nothing replaces the nervous, slightly embarrassed 'rabbit in the headlights' look on his face when he presented me with the Argos special. (And the Argos special is so much easier to wear.)
He's never replaced my 4mm Argos wedding ring though.

MsPickle · 04/01/2013 08:34

I love my engagement ring still, not least because we chose it together and now dh loved buying it for me. The main reason is that I love dh and my rings are s reminder that we're married because we love each other. I think your idea is lovely, not least because it shows you're in if for a marriage, not just a wedding.

And I suspect you'll have space somewhere on a finger for a gorgeous eternity ring...

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