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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel awkward and offended, or do i need to get a grip?

42 replies

notsuchaspringchicken · 03/01/2013 09:57

I was at work the other day, posh store.
I jumped onto the tills to help them out, its not usually my job, but they were busy.
Anyway, someone from another team came over, a man, with a female colleague.
He was doing stuff with all the tills. when he got to mine he was all innundo, ' do you mind if i put my hands in your drawers', ' im going to be pushing your buttons',' is this doing it for you', ' im going in deep'.
Ive never spoken to him before, dont know his name. Female he was with found it funny and was laughing.
I was totally thrown if im honest and felt very awkward. I can do banter, but i dont know him, have never spoken to him, and it was in a professional enviroment. I ended up laughing it off, but it felt really uncomftable.

So, AIBU, or do i need to just get a life?

OP posts:
CheCazzo · 03/01/2013 09:59

He was being a showy off dickhead. Know that and drop the issue - I very much doubt any of it was directed actually at you - you could have been anyone. It's not that you need to 'get a life' - just don't give this waste of space knobhead another second of your precious time.

Itsjustafleshwound · 03/01/2013 10:01

Do you even need to ask? He is a twunt and I would report him to management.

HecatePropolos · 03/01/2013 10:02

No. you're not unreasonable. I don't know WHY women appear to be conditioned to laugh this stuff off, like you're some sort of spoilsport if you don't find it funny to be treated to sexual jokes in the workplace Hmm but we are.

I think that unsmiling direct eye contact would be better than laughing it off. Or even saying that you don't think that's appropriate.

It's ok to not like it. I hate this "can't you take a joke" attitude to sexual innuendo.

MediumOrchid · 03/01/2013 10:03

YANBU, totally inappropriate. I'd have been very cross afterwards but probably laughed out of embarrassment at the time too.

MrsWolowitz · 03/01/2013 10:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

slartybartfast · 03/01/2013 10:04

god he went too fr imo.
one coment bad enough but all those comments,
grim

Original poster
notsuchaspringchicken · 03/01/2013 10:04

No, i just wondered if i had got all uptight and needed to lighten up.

You know, could have just been jokey, i didnt think it was funny.

If it was a friend, fair enough, bit of misplaced banter, but it felt more mocking, because he doesnt know me at all, and is considerably younger.... just felt like i was openly being taken the piss out of really.

OP posts:
Original poster
notsuchaspringchicken · 03/01/2013 10:07

hecate - i agree, i dont know why we have to be ok wth this stuff. made me feel very uncomftable, and the girl he was with just laughed, which then also felt like it was laughing at me, if that makes sense.

OP posts:
VitoCorleone · 03/01/2013 10:10

Sounds to me like he was taking the piss to "impress" the female he was with

He sounds like a knob

HollyBerryBush · 03/01/2013 10:12

Were the other girls ok with it?

What is offensive to one wouldn't be offensive to another person.

Original poster
notsuchaspringchicken · 03/01/2013 10:19

Im not a ' girl' im a 34 year old woman.
He is early 20's as was the girl he was with. He didnt do it to anyone else on the till bank.

Its not professional behaviour though, is it? Bearing in mind it was in full view/ listening of customers too.

OP posts:
samandi · 03/01/2013 10:20

YANBU, it's inappropriate and silly.

HecatePropolos · 03/01/2013 10:25

No, it's totally inappropriate. And it only matters that it was offensive to you.

A hundred women could enjoy a bloke in the workplace making smutty remarks about their 'drawers' and it would still be perfectly valid for you to find it offensive and to say so.

I know you weren't saying that, holly, but it's worth clarifying, in case people misread and think that you meant that if others were ok with it, the OP should be too.

CloudsAndTrees · 03/01/2013 10:26

I think we often get more sensitive to these things as we get older, which is probably why your female colleague thought nothing of it. I never even used to register men talking to me like this and I'd just laugh along and forget it immediately, but now I'd notice and make a mental note that the guy was a bit of a twat. It still wouldn't bother me to any extent, but I do pick up on these things far more than I used to.

Original poster
notsuchaspringchicken · 03/01/2013 10:31

I hate smutty comments in inappropiate places.

I remember back when i was about 17, bunch of male friends ( ( who i socalised with regulary) came over and asked me what foreplay was. Being 17 and a virgin ( and they knew that.. most of them were virgins too) i blushed and refused to answer. They decided it was great fun to see me embarassed, so ribbed me about it for 2 years till we went to uni. If i see them, i still get it now.
All because i didnt find it funny or laugh it off.
Horrible

OP posts:
rechargemybatteries · 03/01/2013 10:33

That sounds horrible and very inappropriate.

Something similar happened to me recently when I went into a local hardware store to buy a grate for my fire. I have a very small fireplace the openning is only 14 inches and when I went in the two 50-something men who were in the shop were all "oh 14" is far to small you need a good 16" in you or even 18" that wouldn't keep someone like you warm at night". when I write it down it sounds silly but at the time it felt horrible and made me feel dirty.

I posted about it on another site and was advised to complain but I didn't bother because it's a teeny local shop and it's all owned and run by one family so the men would be either the owner or his brother or nephew or son or a relation so it would have been pointless.

Viviennemary · 03/01/2013 10:36

YANBU. If he does it again I'd report it. And I might make some discreet enquiries to find out if he behaves like this as a normal. If so he needs to be stopped.

catgirl1976geesealaying · 03/01/2013 10:39

Totally inappropriate

The fact he did in front of a customer makes it worse for a management POV IMO

I would have him on a disciplinary if he did that to anyone at my workplace.

slartybartfast · 03/01/2013 10:39

and not only you being offended, completely unprofessional in a shop, let alone a posh shop Shock within customer's earshot.

Fairenuff · 03/01/2013 10:39

The female colleague may have been doing the same as you, OP, laughing it off out of embarrassment.

I have perfected the response to this sort of knobishness. Well I think I have. I do this.

I look at the person in a sort of okaaaaay kind of way and I say 'hmmmm' and do that slow nodding of the head, slightly tilted to one side. It's patronising and makes the other person feel foolish (quite rightly, imo)

< passive aggressive much >

Original poster
notsuchaspringchicken · 03/01/2013 10:39

It does make you feel horrible though, and small and awkward.
And its so misplaced you dont quite know how to react.
Sorry that happened, doesnt sound silly at all, sounds vile.

OP posts:
TheMonster · 03/01/2013 10:41

I would not have been happy about it.

Nanny0gg · 03/01/2013 10:42

If he's quite young, would it be possible to have a 'kind' word with him, and point out that talking like that could get him in serious trouble?
Or would talking to his immediate boss definitely get him into serious trouble?

HollyBerryBush · 03/01/2013 10:43

British comedy is foudned on the double entendre.

mollymole · 03/01/2013 10:43

It was totally inappropriate and not acceptable. The fact that it was in front
of members of the public, whether you were offended or not, would be reason enough for it to be a disciplinary matter.

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