to expect my flatmate to let me know if she'll be home?

[somedayma]

I probably ABU. Unless I know she's going to be out all night or has plans in the evening, I worry that she's had a car crash or been attacked or something!

She's generally known to be shit at replying to texts etc which is fine but is it so hard to return my 'hey should I expect you home tonight?' text with 'yes' or 'no'?

she hasn't been driving very long so I sort of panic. I realise this is patronising.

Apart from anything, I want to know if I should put the chain on the door before I go to bed. I could ring her I suppose but obv don't want to interrupt DTD whatever she's doing.

Usually if I don't hear back in half an hour I'll text her boyfriend (who has been a good friend of mine for years) and he'll reply quickly saying 'don't worry she's with me!'

Am I being a freak? I dread to think how I'll be when I have actual kids

YABU sorry. It's nice for you to be concerned but it's not her duty to keep you informed of her whereabouts.

Yes, you are a freak but a kind freak. I would hate to be checked up from a flatmate.

lock your forr dont put the chain on it is her house too and she hasn't got a curfew yabu and a little tiny bit weird, in the ncest possible way, she live int he same house as you and im sure if anything happened to her you would know

damn I knew it . I lived with another friend for 5 years and we were always checking up on each other! We even had a special calendar for our work schedules so one would know if the other was working a late shift . I'm probably just haven't moved on from that!

front door* obviously

You're a flatmate, not her mum. Do you have anxiety issues? Maybe try to sort them out?

Yep you're a freak.

This would creep me out tbh.

I'm not generally anxious, no.

I don't know why I am regarding where she is!

I will try to wise up from now on!

You need to move on or she's going to move out tbh. Thats not a normal flatmate relationship. And texting the bf is actually weird.

Sharing work schedules is slightly different from checking up on flatmate's whereabouts on a nightly/daily basis. Your post seem to be about the latter and not about the former.

Def YABU but in a kind of nice way

It would drive me absolutely bonkers, and then texting my boyfriend to check up on me if I didn't reply would start to tip you over into stalking weirdo in my book

Actually I don't think you are being a freak. When I shared with a friend I would worry if she didn't come home and hadn't let me know she wouldn't. Of course you aren't her keeper but if you are close friends then it would be considerate of her to let you know if she'll be home.

YABU - you are her flatmate, not her mother.

FWIW it used to drive me nuts when I was home during uni holidays and my Mum checked up on me. If a flatmate did it I would find it very odd, and a little lot stalkerish, no matter how nice the intention behind it.

I appreciate you are being nice and that you have your reasons, but you are overstepping.

As for texting the boyfriend - no, just no! If a flatmate checked up on me via a bf, no matter how well they knew them, I would go postal. Boundaries!

Yeah you probably are being unreasonable, but I've always been like that with female flatmates and they were the same back. Just looking out for each other. Doesn't sound like she wants you to do that though, so I'd lock the door, leave the chain off and go to bed.

we are very close friends yeh. I don't think it actually annoys her. But this thread is making me think it probably does

Oh well according to MN we are Borg stalker, anxious freaks.
I do think you are being judged a bit harshly, even if the majority are saying it kindly. I think it depends on the kind of relationship you have with your flat mate. I shared with a very good friend for years and then with someone who replied to my vacant room ad. I never worried if they didn't come home as it wasn't that relationship but with my friend it was.

Yes yabu and way overstepping boundaries.

Get a deadlock on the door that you both have a key for if it bothers you about the chain.

Not sure about Borg? Meant both

I feel a bit less embarrassed thanks to purple ha. I've shared with strangers before and not given a shit about when/if they came home, I only worry about her (and the old flatmate I mentioned) because we're so close

I think maybe a little too much but I shared with a friend and we did look put for each other.

I would def. have told her if I wasn't coming home.

But how are you looking out for each other Ryle? If she actually is in any sort of trouble a text isn't going to solve it. All it does is set up a cycle of expectation and anxiety.

If it wasn't for dh and ds we'd make the perfect flat share

Yes, YABU. If someone did this to me, I would be most put out.

Yabu, but not horrifically so, and of course you were used to the old system with your old flatmate. The deadlock idea ^ is good re security, door chains are a PITA at the best of times!

Aww ha ha. You do sound like a fantastic friend and I would love to go out with you and get hammered with the guarantee that you would make sure I got home and had a bucket by my bed

But

Yeah, it's a bit stalkerish, weird, over the top. Put the lock on and take your keys to bed (in event of a fire) you are not her mother.