to expect my flatmate to let me know if she'll be home?

[somedayma]

I probably ABU. Unless I know she's going to be out all night or has plans in the evening, I worry that she's had a car crash or been attacked or something!

She's generally known to be shit at replying to texts etc which is fine but is it so hard to return my 'hey should I expect you home tonight?' text with 'yes' or 'no'?

she hasn't been driving very long so I sort of panic. I realise this is patronising.

Apart from anything, I want to know if I should put the chain on the door before I go to bed. I could ring her I suppose but obv don't want to interrupt DTD whatever she's doing.

Usually if I don't hear back in half an hour I'll text her boyfriend (who has been a good friend of mine for years) and he'll reply quickly saying 'don't worry she's with me!'

Am I being a freak? I dread to think how I'll be when I have actual kids

This is so funny! Half the posters see it as a nice, safety-conscious, sharing type of thing and the other half think it's controlling! If I ever have to share again (god forbid, I'm far too old & selfish now) I shall make sure this is all clarified upfront

I wouldn't want to live with somebody as if we were just renting rooms in a hostel. Still, OP, as your friend doesn't like it and it would be slightly lunatic to put the door chain on when she's out, it seems best you lose the chain and get a deadlock.

She texted back about an hour after I texted saying she meant to send me a quick one earlier saying she would be home later but forgot. And then got back a wee while ago. When she got in I said I was sorry for bothering her when she was out and I hadn't meant to be like an annoying mum and she was surprised I had apologised cos she didn't think anything of it and it doesn't annoy her. So that's good

garlic I don't think she doesn't like it though! I didn't think she did and then she said tonight that it didn't bother her at all. Yeh it's a big difference of opinion on here!

I think it's a good thing as long it's agreed up front and both are happy with it.

:) Really good to hear it's not a problem OP!
Maybe get that deadlock anyway, eh :)

Me and my old housemate used to do this. Didn't bother either of us, we are close friends and like looking out for each other.

I don't think you are a freak, I think you're lovely. I would be pleased if someone cared enough to text re expecting me home. Especially when I lived in London (and was prone to falling sleep on the tube)

If we lived in London I'd attach a tracking device to her. London terrifies me!

thanks for all the replies, good and bad!

This has actually reminded me, had an after work party one time, got ratarsed, decided to walk home (let's just say that it wasn't within walking distance). Luckily my housemate rang me to find out where I was, then when she hadn't heard from me she drove the route she knew I had to walk and picked me up. Bloody good idea, it had been 2 hours and I wasn't even half way home!

See! It's just good sense

Especially if your housemate is as daft as me

I hated it when my mum used to be te same with me when I was living at home.
Having grown up it sounds kind of sweet and very caring.
But being a terrible person to contact by mobile myself, I think it would get annoying rather quickly so YABU

Met the 'find my friends' app on both your phones, then so long as she has it on and on her person you will know et where abouts at all times.

I think it depends on how close you are.

Me and my ex room mates would always tell someone in the house if we weren't coming home.

One of them even used to stay up until the other got back.

Never me, I'm not uncaring and I wanted to know they were safe but staying up and waiting was taking it a little too far when we're all adults.