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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To be a traditional sahm ??

865 replies

ProudMum4Eva · 02/01/2013 22:16

I personal have never been flamed for my choice in life, however I see many people who continuously get some sort of insult for their life choices. So here I thought I would share all for the first time.
I am 34 years old I got married at 18 straight from college. I am happily married with five wonderful children who I adore and do everything for. I have NEVER worked (outside the family home) my DH has always worked. He works traditional hours leaves about 8:10 mon-fri and is home for around 5:30. I do everything in the home cleaning, cooking, bathing the younger children, ironing and so on. I dote on my children and my husband. I love it they do not need to help me in the house I look after them and that is what I am good at.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 02/01/2013 23:09

Fuck that makes me a Volunteer out of home mum

Or VOHM

That sounds far too much like Vom

I'll have to stop volunteering now Sad Grin

Fakebook · 02/01/2013 23:09

Proudmum, I feel sorry for you, because in your OP you say " I love it they do not need to help me in the house I look after them and that is what I am good at."

What about when you're ill? Or if anything happens to you and it leaves you unable to do everything? My mother was like this. Always did everything like a control freak and never let anyone do anything without nitpicking and she died at the age of 52. She wore herself out and didn't bother going to the doctor for aches that turned out to be cancer. And what did she spend her life on? Cleaning, cooking and sewing. What a waste of a life. Absolute waste.

You're still an individual, not just a mother. Seriously, get a life.

HoHoHoNoYouDont · 02/01/2013 23:09

Some interesting responses to your post so far OP.

Not sure if I understand your use of the word 'traditional'. I've known traditional mums, mums who like cooking, baking etc but they do it with their children and pass on their skills. That's how many women prepared for their own families, from the cooking, sewing etc skills passed down from mother to daughter. By doing it for them all the time it doesn't really do them any favours, as others have already said.

I think if your lifestyle works for you then great. Personally it makes me feel quite suffocated thinking about it.

Also, do you ever consider what you might do regarding work should your circumstances suddenly change. Do you feel you would be able to transfer your skills to the workplace. If yes then that's great too.

Do you have interests outside the home?

KobayashiMaru · 02/01/2013 23:11

Did you have an AIBU at all or are you just waffling?

MatureUniStudent · 02/01/2013 23:11

Oh VOHM sounds sexy like va va voom.

I'd be a Stud SAHM Wink

BoysAreLikeDogs · 02/01/2013 23:13

What I am getting at is what about you? how do you spend your down-time? Do you have time to study the stars, can you tell a mistle thrush from a song thrush by sound alone, do you devour books greedily and in one sitting?

What about YOU? You matter, you really do.

Original poster
ProudMum4Eva · 02/01/2013 23:14

HoHoHoNoYouDont

To answer as honest as I can to you work wise I would not have a clue as never had to do it. Outside the home I only really go to the gym and do the shopping. However I have great friends who I meet up with during the week.

OP posts:
WeWilsonAMerryChristmas · 02/01/2013 23:14

I don't think calling the op a skivvy is going to be productive even though I see what you're saying

OP I think home is a beautiful thing. A place where we all pull together according to our talents and abilities. A place where everyone contributes and values each others' input both in and out of the home. That means my DS puts into the metaphorical pot, because we're teaching him that good things happen when families pull together. We role-model not just how our family works, but how his future family works too. And I'm presuming in his future family, his P will expect him to know how to cook a meal, deal with the nitty-gritty of childcare, wash clothes and floors, and just contribute.

So anyway. A bit woo but fake Baileys has been taken.

Gay40 · 02/01/2013 23:17

You are going to have a massive shock if you ever find yourself not married, for whatever reason.

WorraLiberty · 02/01/2013 23:17

What would you do if (God forbid) you split up with your Husband OP or if for any reason you had to take over the 'bread winning'?

Original poster
ProudMum4Eva · 02/01/2013 23:19

Maybe yet I intend my marriage to last forever. I do not like living the whole what if way. That can be said about anything.

OP posts:
HoHoHoNoYouDont · 02/01/2013 23:19

This may sound harsh but what if one day that husband you dote on tells you he's found himself a new bright thing at the office and leaves you. What would you do? How would you support yourself financially?

Original poster
ProudMum4Eva · 02/01/2013 23:20

If I had to. I would get on with it can not do anything else really. :)

OP posts:
Snazzynewyear · 02/01/2013 23:21

I see this has gone the way I expected. Don't bite.

Original poster
ProudMum4Eva · 02/01/2013 23:21

I have more faith in my DH than that. Although anything can happen I guess. Like I said I would have to do something.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 02/01/2013 23:22

Well anyway it's nice that you're happy OP

Log may it continue

WorraLiberty · 02/01/2013 23:22

FFS 'Long!!' Blush

HoHoHoNoYouDont · 02/01/2013 23:22

That's quite a relaxed attitude you have their. I could use a bit of that myself. Unfortunately the real world scares me too much to take a back seat.

Viviennemary · 02/01/2013 23:23

Well if you're happy what's the problem.

Original poster
ProudMum4Eva · 02/01/2013 23:24

People lose jobs all the time it is just the same things really. An income can go in a flash but it is not worth fretting every hour of the day about.

OP posts:
Sianilaa · 02/01/2013 23:24

If you're genuinely happy and it works for you, then great and it's nobody else's business really. I'm a SAHM but running a small business from home a couple of days a week. I would hate to run around and do everything for everyone 24/7. I love that my husband is in charge of all the dirty laundry and my kids argue over who gets to use the Hoover :)

I also quite envy WOHMs ;)

3smellysocks · 02/01/2013 23:24

It's great you are a SAHM.

I just wanted to add that my own mother did everything for her four boys and they are all thoroughly useless as grown men in their 30's. They don't know how to cook at all and don't clean. All are married with kids and all of their wives utterly despair with their poor level of domesticity! My mum did them all a huge disservice by waiting on them hand and foot.

Original poster
ProudMum4Eva · 02/01/2013 23:26

Sianilaa That's great I am interested in how other families run. It is nice to hear about. :)

OP posts:
catgirl1976geesealaying · 02/01/2013 23:26

Why are we feeding this one?

Have we promised MNHQ that we'll walk it every single day, honestly we will and brush it's shiney coat and please can we keep it, pleeeeeease?

Or something.

HiggsBoson · 02/01/2013 23:26

OP you are very, VERY lucky to have the choice - I hope you know that.

Personally I can't imagine never having worked and never intending to work. What will you do when all your children have left home? What will you do that is YOU?