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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know AIBU, I know this has been done to death, but if anyone else tells me I'm enormous with a shocked face - I WILL cry.

81 replies

ThermalMittens · 02/01/2013 20:43

I'm 32 weeks pregnant and I'm FED UP of people telling me how big I am. I'm fed up of shocked looks when I say how far along I am.

Firstly, I'm really not that enormous. I'm going to get a lot fucking bigger in the next eight weeks, believe me. And if my stomach does stick out somewhat, it's probably because I was a bit fat before I got pregnant!

Next time a random stranger tells me with hushed awe that my child will be enormous, can I say that? "Actually, DS1 was fairly small. I'm just fat, thanks for pointing it out".

And if anyone else asks if I'm sure I'm not carrying twins, I think no judge in the land will hold me accountable for my subsequent actions.

I realise that this post makes me sound unhinged. It's just so fucking rude and I am exceptionally touchy atm.

OP posts:
Santasapunkatheart · 02/01/2013 21:13

My MIL used to tell me how big my arse was when I was pregnant. It was so tempting to say 'Not as big as your mouth.'

It is really rude and I have always found that pregnant woman look truly beautiful. I have never thought of them as unwieldy and fat.

Make sure you give birth to a baby wearing boxing gloves and it should floor 'em!

EggRules · 02/01/2013 21:14

What terrible twats.

I was 12 days over and momumentally colossal. Swollen face, linebacker shoulders and an altogether odd shape for me. I felt like shoite too. It all brought out the school in me. I took my filter off Blush 'what's your excuse?', 'your face is really lined'. NOT my finest moments and I'm not sure I would recommend it.

SuzySheepSmellsNice · 02/01/2013 21:16

YANBU... You are 'glowing' :)

Loislane78 · 02/01/2013 21:16

Rude bs - whatever size and shape your bump some dipshit well meaning individual will see fit to comment "huge" "twins" "you sure there's nothing there" "still high" "v low" etc.

The only acceptable comments to a pg person are to genuinely ask how they're feeling, offer seat, drink, snacks, massage (as appropriate) and tell them they look lovely and healthy :)

Screw em!! You're growing a person so you can look and be whatever size you want!

EggRules · 02/01/2013 21:16

It came after people made very direct comments about the size of my breasts. They went mahoosive almost immediately and a lot of people guessed I was pregnant. Horrible fuckers should have let me wait to tell them.

CheckpointCharlie · 02/01/2013 21:18

I told a vicar to fuck off when he said I was huge and was I sure it wasn't twins.
Angry didn't go down well.........

FannyFifer · 02/01/2013 21:18

I quite liked people commenting. Grin

I am short & quite small distance between ribs & pelvis so my bumps were really massive.

I utterly loved being pregnant was the most feminine & womanly I have ever felt in my life.

What was odd though was the amount of random men that seemed to be drawn to me.

HermioneE · 02/01/2013 21:19

YANBU.

zipzap · 02/01/2013 21:19

Tell them that at least being pregnant is only temporary whereas their rudeness isn't going to disappear in a few weeks!

Or maybe ask them where they got their psychic obstetric qualifications from and if they feel they ought to be having a case conference with your gp/midwife/obstetrician as s/he thought you were doing textbook perfect but if they can tell you're not just by looking then maybe they should know. Ditto for twins - their psychic obstetrics vs a couple of scans - what do they think?

Or if you're feeling really hacked off - tell them that you're not having human babies but helping out with an endangered wildlife program and having baby elephants instead this time. Twins obviously. Bet their psychic obstetric scanner didn't pick that up :) And when they say 'really?' you can just give them a withering look and tell them not to be so bloody rude, ridiculous or gullible!

CatsRule · 02/01/2013 21:19

The other thing that annoyed me was that you don't seem to be able to be upset or annoyed at anything at all without some smart butt commenting about hormones! Pregnant women are people and entitled to opinions and to have feelings too.

I always had a smallish bump which people also felt free to comment on. The scan sizes seemed to go from small to big to small again for the dates...and some horrible midwives would pass comment about big babies, snigger then refuse to discuss baby size! Wtf!

Fwiw my supposedly huge baby...small bump...was an average 8lb2oz.

Don't listen to people!

EllenJaneisstillnotmyname · 02/01/2013 21:21

I lied about due dates. DS1 was due 1st Nov, was born 19th Oct at 8lb 8oz, three weeks early. I took to telling people he was due in August, rather than November. I, too, was fat before I started. Blush

The next bad time is after the birth when people are still asking, 'When's it due?' Sad

LilyVonSchtupp · 02/01/2013 21:22

I'd love to tell a vicar to fuck off CheckpointCharlie. I'm adding it to my bucket list.

YANBU. People think they are entitled to say what they want about your appearance once you are pregnant.

EllenJaneisstillnotmyname · 02/01/2013 21:22

Born 10th Oct, not 19th, stupid fat fingers (to go with my tummy!)

MrsReiver · 02/01/2013 21:26

YA sooooooooooo NBU. I'm at the same stage and people keep telling me "oh you're really neat" with a wee worried look. I want to smack them.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 02/01/2013 21:29

YANBU people should have a mute button sometimes, there's no barrier to what they must think is permissible to say. I expect if they got kicked every time they uttered something rude they'd eventually twig.

Bobyan · 02/01/2013 21:40

I was small for dates and had to be induced as dd failed to thrive, and one of my colleagues used to say that I was massive. People are just full of shit.

GailTheGoldfish · 02/01/2013 21:49

Ugh, rude isn't it? When I was a couple of weeks off having DD a woman in the street told the person on the other end to hold on while she gawked and asked if I was just having the one baby. Rudey rude rude.

Original poster
ThermalMittens · 02/01/2013 21:51

That does make me feel a bit better motherinferior...fingers crossed.

Awestruck by EllenJane telling people she was due three months before she actually was. I'd be too scared to try it though, because what if people still look shocked?!

Has any pregnant woman in the history of the world been the 'right' size? Possibly not.

OP posts:
EasilyBored · 02/01/2013 21:52

A swift 'well of course im big, im pregnant! What's your excuse?' Should shut people up.

WingDefence · 02/01/2013 21:59

I've had this too - there's an experienced MW living in my village and she acts/is shocked at my bump size every time I've seen her since I was 22 weeks (I'm now 26 weeks). It's my 2nd pregnancy (which she knows) and I just assumed that I'd look bigger this time round because of stretched muscles etc.

I've always got on we'll with her but reading this thread I've realised that actually it is affecting me far more than I'd realised - I now don't like looking proudly at my mbump in the mirror because every time I do I just think how massive and 'too big' it is. It's spoiling the way I feel about my pregnancy and that makes me Sad but also bloody Angry

I'm now wondering whether I should call my MW to discuss as I've got over 2 weeks until my next appt.

Dandelion75 · 02/01/2013 22:04

YANBU and you have my total sympathy. I'm 26 weeks and all one big bump.

Whenever I get asked when I'm due I get in there first with 'Due at Easter, and yes I'm certain there is just one in there and yes my midwife has measured me and I'm exactly the right size'. Then I poke them in the eye and stamp on their feet with all of my massive pregnancy weight in my head Grin

WingDefence · 02/01/2013 22:21

Dandelion I like your style!

I think I need to grab back my pride of my lovely beautiful bump and tell the lady in my village to fuck off to the far side of fuck avoid the woman for the next couple of weeks at least.

I'm sure I've read somewhere recently about the measuring of bump sizes being completely useless anyway because all kinds of factors affect the size?

CailinDana · 02/01/2013 22:32

I'm 32 weeks and my bitch of a sister, along with my mother who is normally ok but gets infected with bitch disease while around my sister, are coming to visit tomorrow. So I will be getting all of these comments and then some, along with sniggering and then anger if I dare to look anything other than delighted at being treated like shit. I am so looking forward to it.

The plan is, I will spend tomorrow with them, then Friday I will hand DS over in the morning and go back to bed for the day. Ditto on Saturday when DH will have to entertain them (really sorry DH!) and then they'll be gone. So at least I'll get a day of rest out of it and then I won't have to see them again till after baby arrives in February.

One person at toddler group who is normally lovely comments every time she sees me. I am really surprised and it's making me really dislike her, which is a real shame as we were becoming quite good friends up till now. I don't know whether to say anything to her or not. I don't really know her well enough to just tell her to shut up but I fear if I say nothing at all that she'll piss me off so much that I'll just turn against her completely. I know part of it is that she's broody and so interested in the pregnancy but still the constant "Oh look how big you are" and "gosh yes you are big now" over and over is so incredibly annoying.

cutegorilla · 02/01/2013 22:35

YA so NBU

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 02/01/2013 22:36

YANBU at all. How about being called "Massive" instead? Like I was!!! A woman at work said this to me in our open plan office one day. "God, you are massive!"

All I could think about was how her perfume made me want to vomit when I had morning sickness. I so wish that I had told her to fuck off.