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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think losing weight brings out the green eyed monster?

46 replies

WhiteRoseDrop · 02/01/2013 17:48

I've decided to lose weight (not in a drastic way) and hope to lose around 2 stone by this time next year, which would make me 9 stone.

Quite a few people have said to me "you're fine as you are", "you don't need to lose any weight".

Don't get me wrong, it's nicer to hear then "yeah you are a fat cow and could do with losing some" - but at least they would be being honest I suppose.

A friend of mine was 10 stone 7 originally, and then at her lowest she was just under 9 stone. She is 5'5 and I thought she looked lovely and not disgustingly thin. If she had got to a dangerous point then I would of course have said something.

But the whole topic of conversation revolved around her weight loss, how she was looking thin, how she's obviously not eating, how they're so worried about her. The friend who lost the weight never mentioned it and told me she got quite annoyed with the comments.

Does weight loss bring out the green eyed monster in people?

OP posts:

DoingTheBestICan · 02/01/2013 17:51

Yes I agree with you,I have recently lost about 3&1/2 stone and would like to lose another 2 and I have had the 'but you don't need to lose anymore' and the ' oh you look ill you know'.

I'm just ignoring them all and I will know when I have lost enough,good luck with your weight loss,fingers crossed we both lose what we want.

LaCiccolina · 02/01/2013 17:55

Yes obvs as most people are a bit unhappy / think could be better and well we've been conditioned to think life's perfect if ur skinny!!!

kotinka · 02/01/2013 17:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BikeRunSki · 02/01/2013 17:57

Yes. Friend joined SW and lost a few pounds pretty quickly. I said I needed to loose weight and she encouraged me to go with her. I joined about a month later. I have now lost more weight than her, and she is very snidey.

CatsRule · 02/01/2013 17:57

Definitely...some people just don't want to see others getting on.

Whether that be with weight loss, jobs, homes, babies etc, some people don't want to see others moving forward.

thebody · 02/01/2013 17:58

Yes I am afraid that if you are the 'fat friend' ( not saying you are) then by loosing weight you are threatening them and changing the dynamics.

Ignore any comments and do what's right for you.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 02/01/2013 17:59

If you talk about it, you invite comments. That's what I've found anyway.

lockets · 02/01/2013 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BunnyLebowski · 02/01/2013 18:00

God yes. It really brings out snarkiness in others. I say this having lost 2 stone since Halloween.

Lots of "you're not going to lose any more are you?" and "you don't want to set all skinny" comments.

Feck em. Jealous twats.

I'm doing what I know is the right (and healthy) thing for me.

JustAHolyFool · 02/01/2013 18:04

I have always been thin and if the conversation comes round to thinness I just change the subject straight away. I have no interest in justifying the fact that I'm thin or having anyone try to make me/themselves feel bad.

LondonInHighHeeledBoots · 02/01/2013 18:17

Yeah, it does! A lot of people put a lot of store by the superiority of the thinnest person in a group iyswim.

There is also the fact that as a society we're not actually used to really seeing people of a healthy weight any more - I was watching Hairy Bikers get skinny or whatever its called last night, and Si was in the morbidly obese range - he just looked a little big to me, because that is what we are used to. I've been laughed at for losing weight - although I'm well into the 'overweight' BMI at 5,5 and 10 st 12. I need to lose 2 stone (ish, I'm broad) to be a healthy weight for me but to a lot of people, I 'look' normal if a little chunky, not 2 stone overweight.

So it could be that they honestly think you look fine!

ShowOfHands · 02/01/2013 18:27

I have gradually lost the baby weight over the last year and then a bit more on top (bfing and a v v active little boy, plus a long school run on foot and I've started running again now ds is older). I don't mention my weight At All to anybody. I haven't dieted, didn't express any 'goals' and don't discuss weight in general. I'm healthy, BMI of 20.9, exercise lots and eat what I like. My MIL has said to me repeatedly (apropos of sod all) "you want to stop losing weight now" or "you've gone far enough". She is also constantly offering me food. I love the bones of the woman but it's merely a projection of her own weight issues.

My Dad's gone from morbidly obese to a slim and healthy 11 stones this year. He gets it all the bloody time.

survivingwinter · 02/01/2013 20:01

I have had the Mil commenting as well! Lots of things like "you're ill because you're not eating enough" etc! I lost 2 stone last year but no one in the family has commented positively - not seen as a good thing in our food loving family. it's what you feel happy with though - I'm very small so any excess weight looks terrible.

BlueGoddess · 02/01/2013 20:27

On the other hand a friend of mine started WW and lost so much weight she really did look ill! She just said we were jealous but we were seriously concerned about her.

peaceandlovebunny · 02/01/2013 20:27

yes, people get jealous, and nervous. so if you go on a diet, they buy you chocolates or ice cream. stick to your diet.

Chottie · 02/01/2013 20:35

Yes, I think so too. People feel comfortable when xxx is bigger than them, it makes them feel better about themselves. Then xxx loses weight, looks fab and 'friends' no longer feel better about themselves.

greeneyed · 02/01/2013 20:38

YANBU I fucking hate it when my friends get thin! Inconsiderate bastards making me look even fatter!

IloveChristmasandsodoesmydog · 02/01/2013 20:45

Perhaps if people stopped thinking about themselves and comparing each others lives and lost a bit of weight themselves they'd know how bloody hard it is and would stop with the bloody comments.

Saying that I had a friend who lost an awful amount of weight, partly for health reasons, and she did lose too much and looked positively gaunt. We were quite worried about her and were quite relieved when she sorted herself out. She's still thin but she looks a lot better.

I've lost a stone recently which took about six bloody months and the comments so far have been lovely. Need to go at least another stone but its very hard going.

MadameCastafiore · 02/01/2013 20:59

People who were fat and then lose weight piss me off thinking they can comment on your weight.

I went from a 12 to a 10 a year or so ago and my once size 18 neighbour who had slimmed to a 14 had the audacity to say 'Well you're never a size 10' to me. It was really hard not to say well I've never been anywhere near a size 18, so feck you!'

She has now started piling the weight back on and I know it is mean hearted of me but I come so close to mentioning when I see her. She also asked a friend of mine if she was pregnant too, which she bloody obviously wasn't!!!!

OneSliceOfSwissCheese · 02/01/2013 21:03

I lost a couple of stone before my wedding a few years ago. I felt great and was still at the top of my BMI healthy range but the comments I got from people took the shine off a bit. I found it quite hurtful and very annoying that even people like my mum and my best friend would make comments.

CloudsAndTrees · 02/01/2013 21:05

YANBU! I'm a 10-12, depending on the shop. If any of my 12s get a little snug, I know it's time to stop eating crap, but I have very few friends that will actually support me in that. I always get told I don't need to diet, and then when I do and look better, feel better and have clothes that actually fit nicely, I get told I've gotten too thin.

It's ridiculous, when I get told I'm too thin it's because I haven't been pigging out on bread, pasta and chocolate every day for the last two months and have actually been eating healthily!

50shadesofpink · 02/01/2013 21:09

First of all hi all - I'm new! Lurked for years and finally plucked up courage to join!

People definitely get jealous when you lose weight or set out to lose weight. I lost 3 stone in 2008 and have kept it off. The comments have been ''don't lose anymore' 'you look ill' 'here, let yourself go - have a chocolate (or 2)'. People can be haters - I don't care ... I know I look good because I feel good.

whateveritakes · 02/01/2013 21:24

Yes but...slimmers get really zealous too.

It's really annoying after being mates with a fatter friend (and politely holding your tongue about the frequency she eats biscuits) to find them lecturing you about carbs, calories and the benefits of exercise. - Yes we all know you have to do more and eat less but you couldn't do it either until you were ready so bloody stop going on about it - .

There is another friend who has quietly got on with it and kept the couple of stone off for a few years. No one has been anything but positive.

TerraNotSoFirma · 02/01/2013 21:34

One ex colleague and a friend of mine both have a magnet saying 'lord, if you can't make me thin, at least make my friends fat'
I think it says a lot about them unfortunately.

Absoluteeightiesgirl · 02/01/2013 21:39

When I have been trying to lose weight there is one particular woman at work who brings in junk food that she knows I struggle with and offers it to me every time I am in the vicinity. At one point she actually left chocolate on my desk. I ted to keep my gob shut know if I am trying to shift the flab.

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