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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is an atrocious thing to say and not funny in anyway

103 replies

uiler · 01/01/2013 20:02

We were at a New Years Eve Party last night at my mum and her partners. I went to the toilet and asked my brother to watch my bag for me. About 20 minutes later I needed to get some money from my purse that I owed someelse there. I couldn't find it in my bag (I'd left it in the car). When I realised where it was I joked with me brother about my relief that he hadn't stolen it. My mums partner then interjected and said " (my brothers name) wouldn't have taken it, could you imagine if he got done for stealing and sent to prison he'd be tossed about in the showers like a dog toy" Shock . Some of his friends then burst into hysterics at this and mum said "you are one you aren't you".

When I told DH about this he said its not funny but after a few drinks some people say things they shouldn't. My brother is only 14 and I think no matter what saying such a thing about your partner's son is totally unacceptable.

OP posts:
cumfy · 01/01/2013 22:58

Weird.

Was she trying to insinuate that DB has criminal "tendencies" and that this may end up having very negative consequences ?

Original poster
uiler · 01/01/2013 23:00

cumfy- All I said when I realised was phew thought you might have helped yourself (brothers name).

OP posts:
rockinastocking · 01/01/2013 23:02

If someone said that about my 14yr old DS I'd be very upset.

What a berk.

cumfy · 01/01/2013 23:03

I just meant in general, not in relation to the purse, which we know was in the car.

poiler · 01/01/2013 23:11

YABU you didn't find it funny but others did. Its not a big deal is it people have different sense of humours

BlackDaisies · 01/01/2013 23:15

Vile comment. Would make me very, very wary. I'd be watching out for your brother tbh, because he sounds like a creep/ control freak, who thinks nothing of publicly humiliating a child to get a "laugh". What he said was very graphic. My ex used to make comments like this. He was a nasty piece of work, very controlling. I would behave like your mum too initially (as in put up with it), but eventually the relationship became quite an abusive one, which I am forever thankful I managed to get out of.

MonaLotte · 01/01/2013 23:18

That is inappropriate considering your brother's age.

thebody · 01/01/2013 23:23

I think all of the remarks were strange to be honest. Also why can't you leave your handbag at your mums own house.

Wierd all round.

sudaname · 01/01/2013 23:26

I think what you said to your brother was awful - joking or not - it smacks of it must have crossed your mind - especially at the moment you realised it wasnt in your bag and your reaction - then realised later and showed your 'relief'. l mean what other possible scenario was there with just your Dbro watching it, if it had gone ? He must have picked up on this.
Maybe your stepdad was trying to highlight the inappropriateness of your remark by sarcastically taking it to next level of 'ooh and he could get arrested' etc.
But l agree he went too far.
Your poor little bro is all l can say.

EchoBitch · 02/01/2013 00:55

Horrible.

misterwife · 02/01/2013 00:59

It's not exactly Frankie Boyle, is it? I mean, it's not the most appropriate thing that's ever been said, but compared to some of the stuff I heard from adults when I was 14, it's the BBC Light Programme.

BlackDaisies · 02/01/2013 01:08

It's not exactly Frankie Boyle, is it? I mean, it's not the most appropriate thing that's ever been said, but compared to some of the stuff I heard from adults when I was 14, it's the BBC Light Programme

Really? An older man joking about you being gang raped by a pack of men in the showers was like listening to the Light Programme for you at 14?

Winterwalk · 02/01/2013 01:15

I think you're all being a bit harsh on the OP for her comment of her brother. On paper it sounds weird but it's the kind for thing that many. Loving, trusting, family members might say to each other in a very clear jokey way that left no doubt that the person saying it did not actually believe it.
I asked DH a couple of days ago if he'd stolen the £20 I left on the bedside table. My exact words were 'DH, did you nic the £20 I left here?' he replied, 'nope, are you sure it's not downstairs?' I'm quite certain that at no point did he take offence or actually think I was accusing him of theft.

The little joke with her brother in no way compares with the nasty, inappropriate comment made by her mother's partner.

poiler · 02/01/2013 09:20

I can't believe how sensitive some people are being on this thread, it was a joke that the OP and her brother didn't appreciate but its not the end of the world.

SledYuleCated · 02/01/2013 09:31

Poiler, I'd personally rather have nothing to do with people who make gang rape jokes to and about a child.

JamieandtheMagiTorch · 02/01/2013 09:33

Your dms prtner sounds like a nob

AnaisB · 02/01/2013 09:35

"Sensitive" - it was a joke about child sexual abuse\rape.

GrumpySod · 02/01/2013 12:18

Most good jokes are in bad taste with someone.

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh · 02/01/2013 12:28

Generally, teenage boys are the people most likely to enjoy, share and swap tasteless jokes. I really can't see anything in that comment to start a big family row about, unless you're looking for an excuse for one.

Abra1d · 02/01/2013 12:30

I am not one of the professionally offended but if someone said something like that about my teenage son in front of me I can promise them trouble. The person making the joke was an adult, not a teenager.

trapclap · 02/01/2013 12:39

what sled said;

I'd personally rather have nothing to do with people who make gang rape jokes to and about a child

sensitive my arse
gang rape of children not a joking matter

everlong · 02/01/2013 12:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

festivelyfocussed · 02/01/2013 12:48

YANBU
Creeepy comment (at best).
Agree with trapcrap / sled.

sudaname · 02/01/2013 13:11

l dont agree we were being harsh about the purse theft comment. She had actually left her bag for her brother to guard over, then showed a bit of panic and then relief when she remembered where the money was. To then make that comment to a boy who she has already stated is a little on the quiet,shy side would make me think it must have crossed her mind if only for a split second.

It's a bit different to suggest someone has taken the opportunity whilst guarding your purse to go in it themselves and steal money out of it - from jokingly suggesting a DH/DW/DP has 'utilised' the others money left lying around in the house to pay the window cleaner or whatever l do that all the time to DH.
I still think maybe the SF was taking the mickey out of the OPs over dramatic remark to demonstrate how over dramatic it was iyswim. But l agree he overstepped the mark somewhat but today the language fourteen year olds talk among themselves is extremely graphic shall we say. l remember getting a bus regularly with one such group on board and some of the things they said to each other were very hard core and much worse than what OPs SF said,l am very openminded but would often cringe and pretend to be engrossed in reading or staring out the window.
Also my SS had a very good looking friend when they were young teens and if ever he disappeared in the loos in town or whatever my SS tells me they all used to make remarks about 'we were worried about you mate,good looking lad an all that' and so on.

Abra1d · 02/01/2013 13:23

The post was not about the joke thieving. Why would the OP joking that her brother might have stolen her bag be at all a natural segue into another adult implying as a joke that the same child, a quiet, sensitive boy, it sounds like, could be a paedophile's target?

Not the same kind of joke at all.

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