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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hurt that OH has gone out partying without telling me?

26 replies

NotAChocolateRaisin · 01/01/2013 00:39

I have had to work throughout new years (24 hours for the last four days plus tomorrow) in London, 200 miles from home.
OH didn't pick up phone earlier (v. unusual as we always talk around 11 before bed) and had said earlier that he was just staying in for New Years. (we live together)
Have just gone on Facebook and seen that he is actually having a massive piss up with his mate and a group which will undoubtably include his ex in a city about 30 miles from where we live. He will definitely be sleeping away from home.

Now, I really don't have a problem with him going out (and he certainly doesn't need to tell me) but he lied and the ex thing is knowing at me Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
NotAChocolateRaisin · 01/01/2013 00:40

*knawing. Sorry

OP posts:
SirBoobAlot · 01/01/2013 00:41

YANBU. Hope work hasn't been too draining.

Pancakeflipper · 01/01/2013 00:43

Might be a last minute arrangement?

He must realise it being on FB would be spotted by you?

Don't contact him now. Wait until tomorrow. A drunk row is not what you need.

SantasENormaSnob · 01/01/2013 00:43

Yanbu

I would be pissed off too.

Original poster
NotAChocolateRaisin · 01/01/2013 00:43

Thanks SirBoobALot (great name)

OP posts:
CoolaYuleA · 01/01/2013 00:43

YANBU - I'd be disappointed for two reasons. One because he lied (massive no no) and two - because he was stupid enough to put it on FB.

BoneyBackJefferson · 01/01/2013 00:44

might be last minute.

Original poster
NotAChocolateRaisin · 01/01/2013 00:44

I'm not so much angry as confused and upset (and of course maddeningly jealous -not of going out but of her and his knob head of a mate)

OP posts:
Original poster
NotAChocolateRaisin · 01/01/2013 00:46

Oh shit, I hope he's thought it through - the Dog will be home alone (fireworks, walking in the morning...)

OP posts:
Binfullofgibletsonthe26th · 01/01/2013 03:09

Doesn't sound as if he has thought it through.

Are you sure you don't have any voice/emails telling you about his change of plans?

They do get delayed on NYE, don't they.

NatashaBee · 01/01/2013 03:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alisvolatpropiis · 01/01/2013 03:55

YANBU.

As a pp said - going? That's fine. Lying? That is not ok.

Also,he thought it was ok to leave your dog on it's own? Really?! Even if the dog isn't upset buy fireworks that is way too long to leave it.

WaitingForMe · 01/01/2013 04:15

It doesn't matter if it was last minute. It would have taken mere seconds to text the OP.

lottiegarbanzo · 01/01/2013 04:42

Lying is a big no and very stupid. Discuss it later tomorrow.

yousmell · 01/01/2013 07:52

The lying is the problem. Going out is not.

RE the ex. You will just have to trust him if there is nothing to it.

Inertia · 01/01/2013 09:13

Not acceptable to lie, ever.

Hope you get some straight answers from him today.

ImperialSantaKnickers · 01/01/2013 09:18

I've just received three texts, one from late yesterday afternoon and two rather tiddly ones from mates from last night, so it's not impossible his message (if he sent one) is still in the system.
But I'm Sad and Angry for the dog.
And for you too OP.

Original poster
NotAChocolateRaisin · 01/01/2013 10:14

Got through to him eventually.
Apparently it was last minute. But he managed to pack a bag, arrange for the dog to stay at his mums (where he would have to either be outside or in the kitchen the whole time because of their evil dog), take the dog to MILs and drive to Derby from Leicester which is a good hour.
I know his mate and the going out would not have been a last minute thing.

OP posts:
Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 01/01/2013 10:57

I would be really pissed off. YANBU.

An annoying question that MN often asks, but perhaps it is appropriate here - is this something that he would often do?

Did he perhaps not tell you because you would get upset about his ex being there?

Original poster
NotAChocolateRaisin · 01/01/2013 11:49

No, not something he would do often. And tbh, there's no real concern for his feelings with his ex but she has tried to steal him away on numerous occasions so you can appreciate why I'm uncomfortable with the situation.

Also, to be fair to him, it's not like him to lie. I can't think of a time he's lied intentionally.

I probably am being unreasonable

OP posts:
ChristmasNamechangeBridezilla · 01/01/2013 11:54

Yanbu, I wouldn't be happy about this either. He didn't tell you because he thought you wouldn't be best pleased and there is obviously a reason for that.

ChristmasNamechangeBridezilla · 01/01/2013 11:55

Not a sinister reason, most probably just that the ex was there and he knew you wouldn't like it (not trying to imply anything, sorry!)

Fairenuff · 01/01/2013 12:05

The two questions I would want answered are:

  1. Why did he lie (saying he was not going out when he had planned to go out)

  2. Why is he still lying to cover up the first lie (saying it was a last minute arrangement)

CSIJanner · 01/01/2013 12:47

An hour drive isn't last minute. But he may not have seen not telling you as a lie as opposed to an omission..

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 01/01/2013 12:52

OP... Sorry you're feeling like this but to clarify, a person cannot be 'stolen' from their partner, they just can't. If they're happy with their partner they don't want to be with anybody else.

If you think it wasn't as last minute as all that, do you think that the plans may not have been 'set in stone', just the idea of them in place? At least the dog was catered for, not left.

You sound miserable that you had to work, I understand that. Make arrangements to go for a night out with your partner when you have time off.