Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think some people give up their social life once they get married?

78 replies

selectionboxoflife · 31/12/2012 19:16

I'm not judging as I know circumstances change, especially when people have children.

But sometimes it feels like once someone is married they feel they don't have to go out anymore.

I hear lots of sneery comments about I don't like going out and getting drunk, it's a phase in my life that I'm over.

Me and a few friends still enjoy getting dressed up on a Saturday and going out for a few cocktails, not getting ridiculously drunk and falling over.

Some friends I've barely seen since they moved in with their partners and get married.

Some of them would need surgery to be separated from their partner, therefore if its a girls night they will more than likely refuse.

Or I hear, I'd rather have a take away and curl up on the sofa than go out.

And on that note, I'm off out for a meal.

But seriously aibu?

OP posts:
SantasHoHoHo · 31/12/2012 19:18

YANBU. I have friends who have given up on their social life the minute they found a boyfriend let alone a husband.

EuphemiaInExcelsis · 31/12/2012 19:21

It happened to us, but because:

We moved way out of town.
As soon as we moved we were TTC so not drinking.
We had DD within a year, no babysitters, I was breastfeeding.

Then we were out of the habit.

redlac · 31/12/2012 19:22

I've always been anti social but being married and having DD gives me an excuse to be even more so.

I just can't be arsed most of the time

SleighbellsRingInYourLife · 31/12/2012 19:23

Well in my case you are right.

I got pregnant with my first on my honeymoon, so my social life has been severely curtailed since.

Not because I don't enjoy going out and getting drunk. It's just much harder than it used to be.

I'm on my 3rd baby now and I'm getting better at eking out my own time away from the house.

But I'm way off my partying heyday standards.

What worries me is that by the time I can easily end up partying all night with little advance planning, I won't want to any more :o

Original poster
selectionboxoflife · 31/12/2012 19:24

But doesn't it make you feel sad redlac

I mean having a husband and a child is so fulfilling and wonderful.

But I look back on the memories I have with friends, and the memories to come and I feel blessed to have such great friends.

OP posts:
trikken · 31/12/2012 19:24

for me its children not marriage that prevents me from having a social life as I did.

BrianButterfield · 31/12/2012 19:25

You say it's "like they don't have to go out any more". Well, you know , they don't have to! It's an optional, supposedly fun activity, so why on earth would you do it if you didn't want to? Going out with single people is horrible sometimes if they're flirting and chatting guys up - you feel like a spare part.

ILoveSaladReallyIDo · 31/12/2012 19:26

bawk at "girls night out", I never went on them anyway!, I just went out. What are you 12?

and going out got boring, it did coincide with getting married I suppose but it's nothting to do with being surgically attatched to my partner, we do lots of things apart, not "girls/boys nights out though" - pathetic childish concept they are!

HecatePropolos · 31/12/2012 19:27

I used to go out and get pissed every weekend.

I have simply outgrown it.

It was a stage in my life that I don't feel I want to be at any more. Going out, getting rat arsed, picking up some random bloke.

Been there done that.

Now I rarely drink and when I do I rarely get drunk. I am nearly 40 years old. Even if you don't count my children and husband as reasons to not get pissed up every weekend - I just don't want to be staggering about any more, making a fool of myself. (as I used to do!!). It doesn't have the appeal it used to have when I was young and stupid Grin now it just leaves me cold.

Utterlylostandneedtogo · 31/12/2012 19:27

For me it's having no one to go out with. I feel awful that dp feels obligated to invite me out with his friends so its easier to stay in.

SayMama · 31/12/2012 19:29

To be honest in a way you're right but for me I actually never ever enjoyed dressing up and going out on the town. It was always too loud and the drunks too intimidating. Getting married coincided with me realising I didn't have to pretend anymore.

So yes, I would rather stay in with a takeaway Grin but no sneery-ness from me! Do what you enjoy!

redlac · 31/12/2012 19:29

It doesn't make me feel sad no

I had a fantastic time going out when in my teens, twenties and early thirties and yes I do still enjoy the odd night out and lunch dates but if it was a toss up between figuring out something to wear, going out to for a meal and spending money I don't really have lining the pockets of some pub chain or chilling in my pjs, Chinese ordered and cheap rose wine with a film on the TV, the pjs and couch would win 99% of the time.

NinaHeart · 31/12/2012 19:31

Maybe they got married for the primary reason of not having to go on "girls nights out" any more? I would.

pregnantpause · 31/12/2012 19:34

utterly- that's how I feel. pregnancy and young babies got shot of friends I thought I had, and now when I try to make 'mum' friends (boak) they all seem to frown on alcohol, and pubs, and when I have gone out with some they want to talk about soaps, nursing a single drink and we are apparently too old to dance or have fun.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 31/12/2012 19:34

Girls night's out are crap.

I have always hated them, but it is only since I've got married and old that I feel I can avoid them without censure.

Pascha · 31/12/2012 19:36

I'm no less fond of going out for a drink and a dance with mates now than I ever was. Never did enjoy it much, my favourite bit was always getting home and sticking the kettle on and eating toast.

I like a good meal out but the rest of it leaves me cold really.

MissNJE · 31/12/2012 19:36

YANBU.

I always managed to see my friends at least 2 times a week before I moved away for a year and when I came back both were in relationships. Since then I met them twice, in a year. All they can talk about is their partner etc.

HecatePropolos · 31/12/2012 19:37

Oh, and wanted to say - you should never feel you "have" to go out, in the first place.

Pascha · 31/12/2012 19:39

Takeaway and pjs? Yes please! With friends or DH or both. Nobody delivers out here though.

wordfactory · 31/12/2012 19:42

OP I have not given up on a social life...however, no social life I want includes a Saturday night drinking cocktails with 'the girls'.

whistlestopcafe · 31/12/2012 19:43

YABU.

Some of us are just not social creatures. If I had babysitters on tap and money to burn I would choose to stay home.

InNeedOfBrandy · 31/12/2012 19:44

I don't like going clubbing, I used to honour in some well dodgey places but I never really enjoyed myself. I love dressing up and nattering in the pub all night or over a meal but getting rat arsed down town spending all my money and navigating through puke filled toilets have never really appealed.

I wish I had more friends that liked dressing up and going out for food instead of getting wasted down town, that's why I dont go out no more.

InNeedOfBrandy · 31/12/2012 19:45

Used to go out not honour**

EvenBetter · 31/12/2012 19:46

I love not going out anymore! I'm antisocial and was bored of sitting in bars by the time I was 20, living miles away from where my friends are and having a husband are the perfect excuse now! I'd rather slob out on the settee and drink my own booze.

ILoveSaladReallyIDo · 31/12/2012 19:49

I think marriage is sort of coincidence

have friends who are still single who went off going out in town around the same time I did (when I DID get married), I love seeing them for coffee or food or meals in/out, or just going somewhere clean and not too noisy where you can have a good chat! they prefer early nights and good books too now.

IMO I'd have grown apart from the ones who are still doing the same thing we did in our 20s had I not have got married and had kids, I'd be like my single friends who I am still friends with - the ones who won't be heading out into the carnage of town either tonight!