For telling 11 year old dd she can't come with us to see Les Mis?

[Picturesinthefirelight]

She turned 11 recently, still in primary school. Doesn't know about sex and stuff yet

From reading an American guide for parents website it seems the film shows fantine selling herself in a bit more detail (apparently it shows the man lowering her top, thrusting then leaving after paying)

Dd has friends at school who have been to see 12a films and indeed we have let her watch certain 12 dvd's (hairspray, Star Wars Harry potter etc)

Am I being a prude?

[Picturesinthefirelight]

It was mostly dh who told her. Just that girls bleed from their front bottom and its a sign of growing up and means they produce eggs that can grow into babies when you are grown up. That's all.

[BalthierBunansa]

"Front bottom"? Really?

[Picturesinthefirelight]

That's what she chooses to describe it. I did tell her it's proper name but front bottom to her describes where it is.

[5madthings]

Your dh told her she will bleed from.her 'front bottom' ffs.

[cantspel]

Your family sounds very strange and a bit unhealthy

[snowtunesgirl]

OP, if you want to bring it back to musicals, cough, erm, Spring Awakening anybody?

[MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel]

What happened a lot in my school was that the 12 and 13 year olds whos parents didn't tell them about sex then trusted the first 'grown up' who did talk to them about it (usually a 16/17 yo), hence a lot of them becoming parents or having abortions by the age of 14.

They just weren't equipped to handle the feelings and what was happening and could easily be talked round and were told the rights and wrongs of the situation by someone who didn't have their best interests at heart.

You are leaving your poor daughter ill equipped to cope with something that will be a massive part of her life.

[Picturesinthefirelight]

Compare the Revolting Children scene in Matilda to Spring Awajening. Definate references there I think

Only seen an amateur version of SA.

[BalthierBunansa]

I just want to say, make sure your daughter knows all the proper names for the female genitalia. My parents never told me or explained to me when I was growing up and as a result, was quite 'scared' of my sexuality and female genitals. Was 16 when I learnt (myself) all the proper names. Just saying, you don't want your daughter to end up like I did because my parents didn't want to discuss anything that might be deemed 'sexual' to me.

[Ericaequites]

I'm an American who has read the unabridged book in English, seen the stage musical, and saw the film last night. There are several graphic and explicit scenes which would not be appropriate for an eleven year old. For example, there's mention of sausages made from cat.
I was taken to see Annie Hall at six by my much older sister. The only thing I remembered from it was how babyish Diane Keaton was for being afraid of a spider on the toilet seat.

[Picturesinthefirelight]

Don't worry. Dd won't be reaching the age Wedla was without a bit more knowledge.

[IsawFoofyShmoofingSantaClaus]

Snowtunes - indeed.

Pictures - take her. Don't let this put you off. I don't think it will be half what you think it is. If the most it does is instigate a conversation then that's maybe not such a bad thing?

[cantspel]

not only are you using twee little words like front bottom but you are misinforming the girl as well.
Tell your oh that she was born with her eggs and periods are not a sign she is now producing them as they were always there.
Educate yourselves and then educate your daughter.

[WorraLorraTurkey]

My Mum would never use the word period...they were known as 'the other things'.

I swear to god if it wasn't for my older sisters I would have known nothing about sex or periods.

But that was during the 70's where an 11yr old might occasionally happen across a porn mag in the park...or being passed round by giggling friends.

This is nearly 2013 where hardcore nasty porn is at the fingertips of everyone, including children and their peers with mobile phones.

Imo it's irresponsible to not arm them with the facts of life and to at least use adult words to describe genitalia.

You may already have one very confused little girl who's too awkward to speak to you about what she's heard from her peers, because she doesn't want to make her parents feel awkward.

[BalthierBunansa]

WorraLorraTurkey Yes. Due to the fact that my parents didn't ever want to discuss anything that might be deemed as 'sexual' to me, I was very uneducated and very very scared of sex (and I didn't have older sisters to help me). I had to go through that and coming to terms that all on my own and wouldn't want to wish it on any other child. It's so so SO important that parents talk to their children about body changes, body parts, sex etc because not doing so can lead to some very sexually confused and frightened young adults. And the earlier the better.

[ChippingInLovesChristmasLights]

OP - do you have religious reasons for not talking to your DD about sex?

She needs to know a lot more than she will 'bleed from her front bottom and eggs turn into babies'. I'm sure you think you are doing the right thing keeping her 'innocent' but you aren't - you are making her vulnerable to playground bullshit.

It's only a movie, it doesn't cost the earth - just go first then decide if it's suitable for her or not

[WorraLorraTurkey]

Exactly Baltheir I found myself (during my later teen years..18-19) saying 'yes' to sleeping with one or two boyfriends purely because I was too embarrassed to say "Hold on a moment...let's slow down I'm not quite ready yet".

I didn't have the confidence because I was so embarrassed about sex and talking about it.

I promised myself that sex would never be a taboo issue with my 3 kids and it never has been. I used to watch wildlife programmes with them when they were only 4 or 5yrs old and they'd 'get' how animals reproduced.

Explaining how humans do the same thing was just a tiny step and one they took in their stride.

[LadyBeagleBaublesandBells]

Worra, your posts are so reminiscent of my parents idea of SexEd.
And yes, I also slept with blokes because I didn't know how to say no.
I've made sure with ds that he'll never be the person I was.

[snowtunesgirl]

How much is a "a bit more knowledge"? And Wendla is 14 in Spring Awakening. That really isn't that far off.

I'm afraid I have to agree that it's irresponsible not to inform an 11 year old about sex these days. It is extremely easy to be misinformed from other sources. When I was 12, there were girls in my class who were already having sex. Just because you're not telling her about it, it doesn't mean it's not happening.

I also have to wonder if you have sheltered your DD if she truly believed in Santa up until last week.

[icovetthee]

I think at 11 she should be able to handle it. Like everyone else has said, I would imagine she already knows about sex and if she doesn't, she should. The sex scene will not be graphic and at 11 if my daughter asked for clarification, I would give it to her.

The film looks to be good and she's seen the stage show. Either watch it before you take her to vet it as it's entirely up to you or take her and let her indulge in her musical theatre side.

[KitchenandJumble]

I am planning to see the film tomorrow (in the US), so I can give a more informed opinion then. Very much looking forward to it! From what I've seen and read so far, I wouldn't think the film should be too much for an 11-year-old, especially if she is already familiar with the stage version.

BTW, what on earth does she think is going on in the scenes with the prostitutes if she knows nothing about sex? The lyrics are about as clear as they could be: "Poor men, rich men, leaders of the land/See them with their trousers off they're never quite as grand/All it takes is money in your hand," etc.

I cannot imagine leaving an 11-year-old completely in the dark about sex. Honestly, I never thought that any reasonably informed parent would delegate teaching about this important subject to the schools. It has nothing to do with whether or not a child is going through puberty and/or having sexual feelings of his/her own, as a poster suggested above. It is about being aware of the very basic facts of life. I can't imagine any child reaching the age of 11 without asking questions about reproduction. And I see no reason to be coy about the mechanics involved. I knew the basic information as a very young child, by age 4 or so, certainly before starting school.

My mother wasn't very good at discussing anything beyond biology, bless her. So we didn't have any real discussions about the emotional side of things. But ideally, both the basic facts and the emotional element of sexuality should be part of an ongoing conversation between parents and children, IMO, with the emotional stuff being raised later and the factual info earlier.

[piprabbit]

Assuming that one or more of the girls that the OPs DD is allowed to socialise with (but never unsupervised ) has an older sibling, it is almost certain that the girls will be talking about sex with each other. It maybe in the toilets during a rehearsal, it might be while you think they are playing with Sylvanian Families in their bedrooms, it might be in the school playground.
Children with older siblings introduced the subject of sex to their classmates in yr2 in my DDs school .

[JessieMcJessie]

I've seen it. Sorry Hearts, I thought Hugh Jackman was bloody awful. The relentless close -up filming makes you dizzy, it is definitely a very different experience from the stage musical (which is fair enough). The level of detail in the scabs, sores, pus, phlegm, spit and shit is pretty nauseating too. I can't quite think how the prostitution scene would have affected me at 11- there's no full on nudity- but the whole film is something of a harrowing experience (OK, not Schindler's List-harrowing, but certainly more than Oliver!, even taking the bludgeoning of Nancy into account). If you do take her, please let us know what both of you thought.

[RedHelenB]

I'm gobsmacked that an 11 year old has never been without adult supervision!!!

[mrsjay]

you havn't told her about sex at 11 and leaving it up to the school and they havn't covered it yet at her school are you in the UK because my dds got the full works in primary ,
I can imagine the scene is very quick and she wont see anything if it is ok for a 12 yr old it would be fine for an 11 year old imo but it really is up to you if you dont want her to go then dont take her