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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this was a bit mean

82 replies

lola88 · 29/12/2012 20:14

xmas eve my DNiece (5yo) spent all day practicing her charades for the family coming over that night she had the little mermaid, sleeping beauty and tangled all ready, so we start playing she's to shy to do hers but once she got into it she got up to do hers and DP guessed every bloody one without giving her a chance as in i'd told him what i taught her so he shouted it out as soon as she started her first word.

AIBU to think he should have let her finish before he guessed or at least get properly started since she practiced all day and was nervous and he was just being mean? He says he was playing by the rules (which he wasn't because he already knew) i say she's only little and he should let her have her turn then guess. He does thinks like this to his little brother (12yo) all the time i dread to think what he'll be like when DS is bigger!

I know it sounds daft but it's niggling me he found it so funny to ruin a little girls fun

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 29/12/2012 21:08

Urgh I hate that "real men" shit. What's wrong with being raised to be a "nice man"?

Keep your eye on how he goes about parenting your Ds. Nip that "real man" shit in the bud.

fluffypillow · 29/12/2012 21:08

What a twat. That was really mean.

thirdfromleft · 29/12/2012 21:08

As a man myself my first reaction was "arsehole".

Thinking more, it sounds like an insecure and childish personality. Sort of like the 4 year old who can't keep the secret you just told them. Sad really.

TerraNotSoFirma · 29/12/2012 21:15

Yeah,that's pretty mean behaviour alright.
Not something I'd expect from a grown man to be honest.

Fakebook · 29/12/2012 21:16

Why did you let him do this twice more after the first time? I would have told him to shut the fuck up. What did dn's mother think? I would have been livid if someone did this to my dd. But then no one in my family is that cruel to do that to my children. Seriously, this man is a bit fucked up in the head. Even my quite stern brother manages to play along with my dd when he comes around.

NamingOfParts · 29/12/2012 21:18

Tell him what the harm is then:

Adults are not supposed to bully children. Those who do are nasty & unpleasant and shouldnt be in contact with children at all.

This wasnt a bit mean but a lot mean.

akaemmafrost · 29/12/2012 21:19

In a similar vein I remember my first ex H charging past and pretty much pushing aside random smallish dc to get the end seats on The Pirate Ship as "they're the best!" He actually had a foot stamping tantrum when I pulled him up on it. Tbh I never really found him attractive after that. I suspect I would feel the same about your DP.

Softlysoftly · 29/12/2012 21:38

Not just mean, sorry but to do that to a child although it seems a little thing, it really quite horrible. How can you stand him?

MagicHouse · 29/12/2012 21:58

Nasty behaviour. You're letting him get away with it, and excusing him with your "she chucked cushions at him Smile " comment. But in your first post you sound more concerned and admit it niggled you. Don't brush it under the carpet, or get swept along in excusing it and agreeing it's funny, or else you'll get into the habit of ignoring other nasty little things. I would seriously tell him you didn't like it.

steppemum · 29/12/2012 22:11

I wouldn't have let my ds aged 10 do this to a 5 year old. If he did it once I would have had a quick word, reminding him that he is older and be nice to younger children, give them a chance and let them have a go, even if you know ther answer. And that is with a 10 year old. He is behaving like a child, and a nasty one at that.

In fact on boxing day we played a silly game as a family, a sort of guessing game. All the adults deliberately 'got it wrong' on a few guesses with the kids so they stayed in and had a few goes before they were guessed out. Oldest child was 12 and we still gave them a go, youngest at 5 we gave a few clues to so she had a chance. made for more fun, more family etc.

StuntGirl · 29/12/2012 22:26

Absolutely awful behaviour. It's not like he was just very clever and working it out, he was cheating. He was cheating a shy 4 year old. Did it make him feel like a big man? The twat.

I'd have pulled him up on it the first time. If he dared to do it a second time I'd have told him in no uncertain terms that he either stopped ruining the game for the children or he could stop playing. If he dared to do it again I'd ask him to leave the room.

I hope you don't let him behave like this with your own child OP.

oldpeculiar · 29/12/2012 22:46

Ok read it properly now Xmas Blush
OP why do you think he was doing it? Was he doing it to be mean, was he drunk and stupid, did he realise she had been practising all day.Or was he just trying to get a laugh out of achild in a cruel way
Did you say anything after the first time he had done it? If he continued then I would seriously be looking at him in a different way and it would be a bit of a dealbreaker for me, I'm afraid

BeckAndCallWithBoughsOfHolly · 29/12/2012 22:53

It was more than a bit mean - it was cruel and deliberate.

What were your thinking to let him do it 3 times? Have you no voice? If you don't speak up soon, he'll do lots more like this to your own DS

Devora · 29/12/2012 23:03

This is not attractive behaviour in anyone, and particularly worrying in a parent.

OP, I would be really thinking - and talking - about parenting styles with this man.

threesocksfullofchocs · 29/12/2012 23:07

yanbu
he was

BluelightsAndSirens · 29/12/2012 23:10

Ah yes that good feeling of getting one over a 5 year old Hmm

Please show him the thread just so I know he knows I think he is a total twat.

myfirstkitchen · 29/12/2012 23:34

Sounds like a psychopath with serious issues.

Also sounds like a wanker. What a horrid person.

How embarrassing for you too. If I witnessed that I'd feel sorry for you and wonder if you had the sort of life where you pick the hard skin off his feet whilst he has a beer in front of match of the day.

upstart68 · 29/12/2012 23:55

I think sometimes people without dc don't understand. e.g. we've been trying to teach our 7year old draughts and chess. they're hard games to learn. so to encourage them to continue playing - you let them win a bit, give away a few chances. And that way they want to continue playing but they learn a few tricks along the way.

My BIL comes down and is hell bent on beating her. Taking it really seriously.

i think it's misunderstanding really. your dp doesn't realise his job is to encourage. not to win.

starfishmummy · 30/12/2012 00:01

Ltb

Floggingmolly · 30/12/2012 00:01

It's not daft, he sounds like a right arse.

steppemum · 30/12/2012 00:16

I wonder if he had a competitive childhood, that no-one looked out for each other, rather it was one upmanship? In which case he needs it explaining, and you together need to think about the vlaues you want to pass on.

HildaOgden · 30/12/2012 00:22

He sounds like a total prick.Please tell me you don't have children with this person?

HildaOgden · 30/12/2012 00:25

...and btw,that 'niggle' you're feeling..it's not a niggle,it's your gut instinct letting you know it's wrong.Life has taught me (the hard way) don't ever ignore it.

Dubjackeen · 30/12/2012 00:36

More than a bit mean, imho. Please tell me all adults know that you play along in such a scenario, making plenty of wrong guesses, for the child' s sake... Confused. Sorry OP but the 'big man' stuff wouldn't wash with me. Please think carefully, is this what you want for your ds... And if it is not, please have a very serious conversation with 'D'P.

HipHopOpotomus · 30/12/2012 00:55

It's a bit twisted to take pleasure out of doing this to a 5 year old. Very mean, but also twisted.

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