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Original poster

PIL dog - advice please

266 replies

MTBMummy · 28/12/2012 20:19

We're currently visiting the in laws for Xmas an their dog has just gone for me, u bent downto give him a sausage and he went for my face - punctured my eyelid and caused a blood blister and a lot of bruising - I'll be getting one of them to take me to the doctor tomorrow morning, they're very rural, and everyone has had a bit too much to drink, so cannot drive.

This in itself is bad enough, but the dog shortly after snapped at dd and hurt her hand - he did not draw blood, but obviously scared her.

My question is how do I handle this - in laws are brushing it under the carpet - I've not been able to speak to DP alone since it happened. But I just want to leave, I am worried about going to the doctor, will I have to report the dog? It's not the first time he's had a go at me, but it is the first time he's made contact.

I'm kind of scared of the dog an can't stand being around it or even have DD in the same room - and I'm normally a massive dog person.

Aside from a banging headache I'm ok, I've cleaned it up and taken some ibuprofen, it's a bit swollen and bruised but I think it'll be ok.

Any ideas on how to handle this?

OP posts:
forgetmenots · 30/12/2012 10:44

Hope your DH is on side and will not give in to any pressure to have dd around the dogs. They should be very thankful they gave a second chance with the dogs at all, if they both have history of attacking people.

Pippinintherain · 30/12/2012 10:53

Just read all this and am [ that they're acting this way.

I'm a massive dog lover but they are treating the dogs as top of the pack which is very dangerous.

Well done on making a stand, hope your DH is supporting you?

Pippinintherain · 30/12/2012 10:53

That should be a Shock Shock

CatPussRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 30/12/2012 11:25

Well it a matter of time before someone outside the home is injured! Then they will have to put the dogs down. I'm sorry you have been put in this position by your PILs, but you have totally done the right thing.

Inertia · 30/12/2012 11:39

Am appalled but not surprised by their reaction. Nobody has to accept that dogs bite people - let's just hope that their dogs don't bite any innocent visitors or passers-by .
Glad to hear you won't be going back . Are there any other family members, particularly with children, who need to be warned about the dogs ?

Hope your eye is better soon.

ProphetOfDoom · 30/12/2012 11:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsTomHardy · 30/12/2012 11:43

I take it your DP agrees with you now??

Chottie · 30/12/2012 11:57

I just find it unbelievable that PiL put a dog before their son, DiL and GD. Please do not let them make you feel guilty, they have made that decision. I hope your eye is feeling ok today...

Safe journey home.

mrslaughan · 30/12/2012 12:50

I can't believe there attitude. They deserve to be prosecuted....
They are idiots and should be banned from owning dogs.

Alisvolatpropiis · 30/12/2012 13:02

Their attitude is disgusting. No,you do not have to accept the dog bites!

It might not deserve to be put down,it definitely deserves to be rehomed again with people who can fucking train it properly! It will end up being put down if they continue to own it. It is an inevitability. Maybe it is too late now for someone else to step in.

Dogs need to be trained,for their own well being as well as other animals and people's!

Utterly stunned that they thought you were overreacting. There aren't words. Utterly stupid,selfish people.

Hope you and DD are doing ok.

HazleNutt · 30/12/2012 14:10

Sure I can acknowledge that their dog bites. they will have to accept that me and my family will not be in the same house as that biting dog though. They're nuts if they think otherwise.

yousmell · 30/12/2012 16:53

Sorry to heart they haven't been more supportive. It's shocking to think they have two dangerous dogs and don't care about the safety of their family.

Percephone · 30/12/2012 16:58

Err dog bites DO tend to lead to infections. Unless it's a superficial graze it needs washing out and antibiotics.

TeaOneSugar · 31/12/2012 10:00

Persephone The OP has seen a doctor.

Original poster
MTBMummy · 02/01/2013 10:03

Hi All,

I just wanted to jump on and update you all and thank you all for your advice and support.

My eye is healing well, and although my vision is still iffy in my right eye the swelling has gone down and a good dollop of make up has made me presentable for work. the wounds are healing well and the smaller of the two seems to almost be healed completely and the other is clean and looking good.

With regards to PiL's - well, they're due to visit us on Thursday with dogs - but have been told that the dogs will not be allowed in my house or garden and DD will not be joining them on any dog walks. I'm at work (although desperately trying to arrange to work from home so that I can supervise - more on why later)

They have admitted themselves that they can't leave the dogs with anyone else because the dogs will not walk with anyone else, and will bite other people if they try to put a lead on them, they also refuse to put the dogs in kennels because they say it's too distressing for the dogs. I can see the kennel thing, but surely the fact that they can't let anyone else look after their dogs should be a massive flashing sign that there is a problem?

DP sees my side, but admits he also see's his Parents side too - so is pretty much sitting on the fence. His view is we should let them take the dog to a behaviorist and see if that helps, but my view is that I'm not prepared to let DD and I be the guinnea pigs, if they do see this person, and follow up on all the training then I may be willing to meet them (without DD) and assess how the dog is, but this process I expect to take at least a year.

One thing DP keeps throwing back at me, is we wouldn't have our cat put down because he bites me, so why should we insist the same is done for the dog. My defence is that the cat only bites me when I'm playing with him, and he's only bitten DD twice - once when she pulled his tail and another when she tried to lift him off the couch (both ages ago when DD was coming up to 2 and was still learning how to treat animals - neither of which she would now do) and he's never drawn blood, just a warning nip - I know DP is ferd up of this cat in particular and would love to rehome him, but does he maybe have a point?

The funny thing is now that I look at the situation with a different perspective, I don't think I have ever seen that dog with a happy relaxed tail - it's always tucked between his legs, when we have visited in the passed he spends his time glued to FiL's legs and always sits under his legs tucked away from everyone else. This obviously now is a massive alarm bell and I wish I'd taken notice of it sooner.

I spoke to my sister and she shares my view - but that's to be expected, she was bitten as a child so has a slight fear of dogs. The only other person I could speak to would be SiL, who is a dog nut (has 5 currently) but does ensure all her dogs are trained incredibly well, although we'd of course never leave DD alone with any dog, but I digress. I could tell SiL, but she already has frequent clashes with her parents on how they treat their dogs and the lack of training, so if I did tell her, it would appear I'm shit stirring, which I don't want to do, but I just want someone to try and get PIL's to see that it's not me being unreasonable.

Thanks again, and sorry this has turned into a bit of an essay - just wanted to get it all out now that I've had a few days to thin about things

OP posts:
ddubsgirl · 02/01/2013 10:10

what breed is the dog?

bigbuttons · 02/01/2013 10:10

Thanks for updating. I think you are right to be worried that you il's will try and get the dogs in your house/garden. I would not be prepared to let them come with the dogs in tow unless you were there. I would say they had to wait until you could take time off work.
I think you il's are deceitful people who will, without a shadow of a doubt' bring those very dangerous animals into your house, as soon as your back is turned. I'm shocked that your dh is being so weak about this.
I would be bloody fuming and it would be a deal breaker for me.

ddubsgirl · 02/01/2013 10:13

i wouldnt have the dog in the house,at all,dogs stay at home or in a kennel-and i would be talking to sil,the dog bit you-yes your cat bites and they can be nasty as in infection-i am a dog person and own a dog-and cat isnt going to kill you-their dog is giving off massive warning signs-it can not be around any child/ren,you & dh are putting your child in harms way,could you ever forgive yourself?

PartridgeInASpicyPearTree · 02/01/2013 10:31

Well done for standing your ground on visits. I am not one of the automatic "put it down" crowd. If PILs wanted to work with the dog and rehabilitate it that would be great, but it would need extremely careful management while that work was happening to ensure it did not put anyone at risk. Unfortunately they do not seem interested in putting in the hard work to rehabilitate the dog and are burying their heads in the sand regarding the risk it poses to you and DD. This makes my blood boil and it certainly is not even doing the dog any favours. Stick to your guns and don't allow them to make you out to be the bad guy. And you DP can't honestly think a collie can be compared to a cat!

WelshMaenad · 02/01/2013 10:35

From experience - you need to say NO, the dogs don't come at all.

My PIL used to bring their grumpy, bitey, cat chasing child hating devil dog when they visited (they stay in a hotel). I will not allow it in my house/garden to protect my pets and children. They started bringing it on walks when toddler dd was in the carrier. Then they wanted to tie it next to where she was playing at an outdoor cafe and got stroppy when I told them no, put it in the car. Then we would be at hone and they'd be running to the car to check in it every five minutes giving it "oh POOR DDog, mean Mummy wont let us bring him inside!". Then one day when I was busy in the kitchen they took toddler dd out to 'meet' him in the car 'because its good for him to meet children'. At this point I snapped and said it would be good for me never to see him again and he is now kennelled for visits, which us far fairer on everyone including the dog.

They will not respect boundaries. Dog stays away or they do not come. You HAVE to be firm in this, you have to, your child's safety is at stake.

Original poster
MTBMummy · 02/01/2013 10:44

ddubsgirl - it's a collie, was bread to work with sheep but has a fear of sheep, so was about to be put down when MiL heard about it and took it home without telling FiL (fear extends to people, cars, other dogs, even those dog tug toys - I can't help but wonder what actually was done to him as a puppy) it's a shame as he is such a handsome dog, but there's definitely something not right about him

I'm definitely not one of the put it down crowd, and have in the past rescued a dog that was due to be put down for biting a child (back story was that it had been encouraged to rip apart fluffy toys, they then got a new kitten, and well, it did what it had been taught to do when they left the 2 locked in the house alone, The mother came home first and beat it, then the father beat it and fractured its back leg, then when the girl went to hit it, it bit back. I found it in a rescue centre and was told of it's fate, and told it would likely die anyway as it wouldn't eat, I asked if I could sit with it (it just looked so sad) and they let me in and within 30 minutes it was curled up on my lap and eating from my hand, needless to say he came home with me, he was a collie terrier cross, and such an amazing dog, and once we'd worked through his fear of people and not killing small furries (eventually spent every evening cuddled on the sofa with our little black cat) he was superb, never bit, growled and was probably one of the best behaved dogs I've ever owned but it was a lot of constant work with him - this was long before we had DD and he passed away 2 years ago aged 13 after I had him for 11 years.

I just don't believe PIL's will put in the work - I'm not sure if I mentioned this previously, but the other collie (yes they have 2) was sold to them with free puppy classes they took her to one, and then decided not to do anymore as the dog didn't like it - WTAF?
Oddly enough - they were some of the strictest parents to the DC's

OP posts:
Original poster
MTBMummy · 02/01/2013 10:47

And good news - I'm working from home tomorrow - so the dogs will definitely no be going anywhere near DD :-)

OP posts:
bigbuttons · 02/01/2013 10:54

Thank God for that!

ddubsgirl · 02/01/2013 10:54

collies are very hard work,they need alot of training & exercise-we use to have collies growing up,this dog needs to be in a home with no children around,the fact it has bitten more than once your pil need to really think about the harm they are causing,a collie & small child it can cause a lot of damage or worse,this isnt a small breed dog :( i would report the dog-as much as i hate to say that-something needs to be done,they are putting a pet before a granchild and as much as i love my dog,he is my baby,my kids & anyone else comes first.

BlueberryHill · 02/01/2013 10:59

Just read the bit about your DH and the cat. He has a point, if he can find cases where a domestic cat has mauled a small child and left it with seroius injuries, never mind killed a child.

Seeesh, I'm sorry to be blunt but he is being an idiot about this, what is there to see about his parents side? They have dangerous dogs and are in denial about it?