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AIBU?

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Original poster

PIL dog - advice please

266 replies

MTBMummy · 28/12/2012 20:19

We're currently visiting the in laws for Xmas an their dog has just gone for me, u bent downto give him a sausage and he went for my face - punctured my eyelid and caused a blood blister and a lot of bruising - I'll be getting one of them to take me to the doctor tomorrow morning, they're very rural, and everyone has had a bit too much to drink, so cannot drive.

This in itself is bad enough, but the dog shortly after snapped at dd and hurt her hand - he did not draw blood, but obviously scared her.

My question is how do I handle this - in laws are brushing it under the carpet - I've not been able to speak to DP alone since it happened. But I just want to leave, I am worried about going to the doctor, will I have to report the dog? It's not the first time he's had a go at me, but it is the first time he's made contact.

I'm kind of scared of the dog an can't stand being around it or even have DD in the same room - and I'm normally a massive dog person.

Aside from a banging headache I'm ok, I've cleaned it up and taken some ibuprofen, it's a bit swollen and bruised but I think it'll be ok.

Any ideas on how to handle this?

OP posts:
ChristmasIsForPlutocrats · 02/01/2013 11:00

How are they going to visit on Thursday if there is no-one home?! Or is it your DH "on duty"?

Original poster
MTBMummy · 02/01/2013 11:09

DP is a SAHP, so he and DD will be there and I would have been a 2 hour commute away - plenty of time to clean up after dogs have been in the house
sorry call me a skeptic, but I really don't believe DP would stop them bringing the dogs in, which just creates a me versus them situation, which we've already had.

Before they got dogs they were baby sitting two dogs (from the breeder they got the first collie from) and arrived at our house (not having told me they were bringing dogs) and as soon as they arrived they let the dogs out the car, both of whom immediately went for our cat who went missing for 6 days. After that, when they got their dog I said I didn't want dogs at my house, but as they're so far away it was made out that I was stopping them seeing their son.

Blueberry his mom in particular is a very "strong" character, where as DP is more laid back and will do anything to avoid an argument, I used to be like this too, but realised if I didn't stand up to MiL she would over ride everything. But yes- I'm shocked that he'd risk his own daughter never mind the fact that I've already been bitten

OP posts:
ddubsgirl · 02/01/2013 11:10

op said she is working from home tomorrow so she will be in and wont let the dog in the house

ChristmasIsForPlutocrats · 02/01/2013 11:25

Good luck for tomorrow. You shouldn't be doing a huge commute if your eye is still iffy: do you drive?

Forget fear of "shit-stirring"- share as much info with your SIL as possible!

Original poster
MTBMummy · 02/01/2013 11:35

Thanks - My commute is all by public transport, if I needed to drive I wouldn't risk it, but as I just have to walk to the train station and then rely on good old public transport I didn't consider it a problem.

OP posts:
Original poster
MTBMummy · 02/01/2013 11:36

About to email SiL - will start the email by stating it's a awkward situation and I understand if she doesn't wish to be involved, do really want someone who may be able to persuade PIL's on side

OP posts:
FestiveWench · 02/01/2013 11:42

I would do the email in terms of asking her advice on how to deal with the dogs on the basis that she had more experience than you with dogs in general and with with her parents' dogs in particular.

BlueberryHill · 02/01/2013 11:49

MTBGMummy, I'm sorry you aren't getting any support, he should be the one to manage this but if he isn't you need to. The dogs and the restrictions that they place on your PIL life are not your problem, you haven't caused them, they have but they are making it out to be your problem.

I just want to shake people like this, how can they be so blind (excuse the reference, I hope your eye heals) and selfish not to see the danger that they are putting your and their DGD in.

elizaregina · 02/01/2013 11:49

mtb, you poor poor thing!

So glad your eye is ok now - and that you have put your foot down etc....

It sounds like your PILS need the behavirousit therapist - urgenlty.

Shocked at your DH attitude.

CalamityKate · 02/01/2013 11:58

Right. I speak as a hugely doggy person with 2 dogs and a husband who isn't doggy at all. Your DH is being a twat. I'm fuming on your behalf. How DARE he put his idiotic parents and their dog above your daughter?? I'm all for giving dogs a chance but in this case the risk is too high.

God I'd go nuts if he even suggested that this bloody dog came anywhere near my children. Idiot.

HansieMom · 02/01/2013 14:28

Your DP is not only an idiot, he is a weak idiot.

PurpleRayne · 02/01/2013 15:19

Your OH is being a total dick. He is saying that he is prepared to risk your child being bitten. Believe him.

xkittyx · 02/01/2013 18:23

He's also a total idiot comparing that dog to your cat. It's not cats that are periodically in the news after tragically killing a child. And I say this as a lover of both dogs and cats.
That dog sounds like a serious potential threat to children.

festivelyfocussed · 02/01/2013 20:41

thanks for updating. It's good to hear that your eye is starting to heal.
Shock at your DP's attitude. I'm sure he's lovely but he's really got this one wrong. Maybe he needs directing towards news articles reporting the seriousness of attacks by family dogs on young children. Not really sure what to suggest really.
I hope you get some support from your SIL?
Well done for sticking to your guns.

ChasedByBees · 02/01/2013 21:21

Just found this thread. Hugely shocked at your DH's attitude. What an arse he's being.

Chottie · 02/01/2013 21:36

Thanks for letting us know what happened. It is really good to hear that your eye is healing.

I also think your DP is wrong too, well done for standing firm.

mrslaughan · 02/01/2013 22:04

Cats don't and can't do anywhere sort of the damage a dog will do - esp a largish dog ike a collie. Sorry your partner is and ejit - if that dog went for your DD, it could leave her with permanent life long scars, damage to her eyesight, or worse kill her...I am sorry, but there is sitting on the fence and then there is just being a spineless twat at the potential expense of his daughter. I hope you get him to read this.

myBOYSareBONKERS · 02/01/2013 22:17

I am absolutely astounded by this. Asked my DH what he would do and he, without hesitation said that the dog would not be allowed any where near us.

I have seen some horrific dog bites due to my work - most of them were unpreventable (as in your case).

Maybe you should google dog bite photos and ask your DH if he really wants to risk his family and it would be COMPLETELY his fault if any harm came to any of you

NaturalBaby · 02/01/2013 22:34

How badly does the dog have to injure you or your DD for someone to take this seriously?!? Even a small amount of blood loss in a young child can be life threatening.
If they refuse to visit without the dog then they are choosing the dog over their grandchild. What on earth are they thinking saying you should just accept the dog bites? They are putting the welfare of your child at risk.

Your DH is being a selfish idiot.

Original poster
MTBMummy · 03/01/2013 09:46

Morning All,

I will say DP is normally lovely and very good at this sort of thing, but his mom is a very erm forceful woman, and I can see why he wouldn't want to get in the middle of this - I am not however excusing his behavior in this instance, i agree he needs to man up and stand his ground for his daughter, this is the first time we've had this sort of thing, so I'm hoping with a bit of gentle nudging from his sister and I we'll get him to see how serious this actually is.

SiL is completely on board, and we both don't want MiL to have the dog PTS - but we also both query the PiL's ability to actually take advice and stick with it. We're hoping that their plans to move closer to family and more populated areas will make them realise that this is a necessity and that they can no longer just turn a blind eye (excuse the pun) at the dogs bad behavior, as we both keep stressing that if this were to happen outside the home, they wouldn't have the choice, and the dog would just be PTS. I'm hoping that approach will make them sit up and pay attention, as it's pretty obvious that the safety of their grandchild is not important. It's so sad as these are the last Grandparents my DD has.

PiL due later today, and I'm just going to stay in the study when they arrive (as they don't know I'm at home) and see if they try to bring the dogs in the house - or is that just playing games?

OP posts:
Arithmeticulous · 03/01/2013 10:18

I think you have a cunning plan the right idea about staying in the study. Can you set up CCTV hear the front door from there? As you say, it'd be interesting to see if they get the dogs out of the car, and/or get as far as the door before your DH says no tells them you are in the house.

festivelyfocussed · 03/01/2013 10:30

Just be strong with the. Greet them cheerfully (delighted to see you bla bla) and be very very clear about the dogs being shut away from humans.
This might help your DP see how it's done.

MrsTomHardy · 03/01/2013 10:35

Good idea
Stay in the study and see what happens, but if they bring the dogs in and your DP doesn't say anything then go out and confront them all guns blazing!!
It's your house and your rules!!
Good luck

bigbuttons · 03/01/2013 10:48

Please do update once they've gone. I'd really like to know how things 'went' Smile

rechargemybatteries · 03/01/2013 11:00

I am a dog lover I have two and I adore them they are spoilt rotten. But if they ever ever ever left as much as a mark never mind broke then skin or made as if they were going for someone they would be on their way to the vet for the big jag. I wouldn't allow it. I wouldn't take the chance. People first dogs second.

Although I have to say if they're collies they'll take a wild power of walking and stimulation and I would have my doubts they're getting that. And your PIL sound very blinkered and naive and I cannot believe they are putting a dog before their grandchild.

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